Clearing

[seifenblase]

Dear Dion, hope it will work this time.
Gratefully,
Marina

[Dion]

That's great, Marina :) Thank you.
I've written the Concluding Questions below.

Just write your answer after each question. Take as long as you like. Also, there's no word limit, so feel free to fully describe your experience.
Dion :)

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the last few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

[seifenblase]

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

There is no separate entity in any shape or form and never was.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience.
Describe it fully as you see it now.

I, self, me, are words describing ideas, exactly same the "separate entity" just an idea.
This idea , once taken as true became foundation of the perception, the veil camouflaging direct experience. Illusion begins with the initial "thought" and "believe in the thought" "This is all me " or "about me, mine" an idea of "I" , as a persona, "an entity", as "a living form" involved in the action. When being looked at, it gives no "ping" back, no attachment outside of just a narrative of other ideas. Idea which was telling it self that its real.
In direct experience is seen that everything what is there is - beingness, things happening outside of any description and within this, are thoughts full of stories. A sensation is experienced, through thoughts begins the description " sensation provoked by the massage pad attached to the chair". Other thoughts will call it pleasant and so on ...when looking only at sensation its just the experience of a sensation where thoughts are clearly a mental tool for interaction.



3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the last few days.
It feels exactly how it feels in the moment, everything is spontaneous, the body feels open to what ever experience is next to come. The old "me "would've plan and allocate time to write the most eloquent and "right answer" experiencing constant pressure, matching ideas, some sort of expectations, search for the "right". Now, the answer is being given in the moment as it unfolds. In between distractions with other things, requesting in the moment attention. Thoughts appearing, fingers taping, text appearing on the screen, story is being told. Action being interrupted. No one is looking for the right or eloquent answer. Everything comes naturally, pressure gone. It is what it is, and what is, is just being witnessed.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?
There was some kind of mental tiredness experienced, described as such. It felt like going in circles in thoughts, feeling of being fouled. It came as picture of a donkey moving in circles trying to grab the carrot hanging on a stick attached to its head. It was a constant run in circles, for a treat.
the last it was that moment when was realised that mind is in search of something out there, but is looking only inside itself. Nonsense of such exercise was what shifted attention on what else is there and there it was, the space beyond mind's reach untouched by the thoughts. Pure presence, "beingness", witnessing itself . There was no more emotional response to appearing thoughts. They seemed like some kind of a radio buzz, happening for no one and being about no one. Thoughts talking with thoughts...that's where all the questions lost sense ...


5) a) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Decision, intention, free will, choice and control are all ideas on which illusion of separate self found its base. Every action unfolds in the moment, thoughts claiming the source of the action. Its like now, there is an idea of getting it done and claiming it does. Action begins and than everything shifts towards crying child. No priorities, just things happening in the moment. It is done how it's done. No one there to be responsible for the fact that answering stopped. No one there to begin or end the answer. It ends by itself...


6) Anything to add?
It will all be just words , ideas describing something out of other idea of importance or "specialness".
Maybe a link to a nice song would do ;)
Gratitude, is how mind calls what is felt now.
Thank you