Inutero trauma keeping me stuck in illusion. Is there anything that can help this?

[SophieGoLove]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I am One. I am infinite consciousness and there is nothing outside of this. All activity of the bodymind is an illusion - felt to be real, albeit an illusion.

What are you looking for at LU?
Support and guidance in finding new perspective/s on a recurring pattern of instability in all areas of my life.
I know I am awareness and I also experience deeply layered conditioning that holds me hypnotised in the bodymind.
My mum had a car crash when she was 7 months pregnant with me. I’ve not been able to hold down a home, job, money, friendships or relationships my whole adult life, after childhood triggers started manifesting this energy.
A nonduality teacher suggested I look into this. I’m totally open to what conversation may be had. I just want freedom, whether conditioning changes or not, I’m open to explore this directing to you. I’m not attached to there being ‘healing’ or anything from this. Interested to hear if someone can help me to see this in a new way.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I’ve no idea what may happen; I may come away with a whole new conception/perception/experience of life.
I’m here to have blind spots pointed out and to have all and any blocks brought to the light. I wish for truth.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I was on the progressive path for 12 years until end of 2019. I’d lived with bulimia for 20 years. Throughout that time I explored spirituality and self-help, attending workshops, learning many different meditation techniques, looking at shadows, Tantra, constellations, shamanic healing and everything to do with a separate self.
A few ‘experiences’ happened end of 2019 and my life was redirected inwards and onto the direct path. The bulimia disappeared, and conditioning started surfacing like a beautiful fireworks display. Within this display I’ve had glimpses and clear seeing of the madness/illusion of the mind and it’s behaviour. I now ‘practice’ self-inquiry and surrender.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[SophieGoLove]

I know the title of my thread isn’t the truth.
The story appeared, I was directed here and now I’m ready to ‘rip off the illusion’.
As I read through posts each day I sign in, even without being ‘in’ the process with a guide myself I sense subtleties stirring. Newness rising.
Grateful for all the seekers and all the guides here.
I’ll be bursting through the gate when you arrive dear guide 🙏

[Anastacia42]

Good morning,

I'm replying and offering to guide you because you recognize that title "isn't the truth." Good. That does not need to be in your way. It's a lie.

My name is Stacy and I can be your guide, if you would like.

One thing I want to make very clear up front is that with me, you must post every day. If you know yourself and your schedule are such that you cannot do this, tell me, "no," and someone else can guide you, please.

Yes, if once in a while you must post later, please post a note telling me when you will return.

If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and just confirm to me that you have read it. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Some housekeeping guidelines:

1. Post at least once a day, or every second day. If you need more time, or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know please.

2. There is no one judging answers given, so please be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.

3. This exploration is based on actual experience (AE) - smell, taste, sound, sensation, color and observed thoughts. Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress. This is not a self-improvement process. There is no ‘self’ to improve.

4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily meditation practice, it is fine to continue that but is not necessary for this exploration.

Technology is not perfect and sometimes there is a glitch which can wipe out your responses. It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. Always save a copy of what you have done, it will save time in the long run!

To begin with, so that we both become aware of what your expectations are about this exploration. In your own words (not from actual experience, but just honest answers), could you please answer the 4 following questions:

How will life change?
How will you change?
What will be different?
What is missing?

Throughout this exploration I would like you to answer all questions that I have written in blue text. Please answer all questions even if I miss using the blue text.

Please answer questions individually, remembering to use the quote function to highlight the question being answered.

Below is a link to the video with instructions on using the Quote Function. Please watch it. Use the PREVIEW button to make sure your text looks right before you hit "SUBMIT."

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

What would you like for me to call you? What time zone are you in, please?

Loving,

[SophieGoLove]

Dear Stacy,

Thanks so much for connecting and offering your guidance.
Currently I don’t feel I can meet you in this requirement, so it’s a no at this time.
With Love,
Sophie

[Anastacia42]

The request to post every day? Most of us will make that request, but not all guides do that. It is because it is helpful to keep up momentum.

Do you want me to offer your thread to other guides who don't require daily posts?

Thank you,

[SophieGoLove]

Thank you, that would be great.
I fully understand momentum and separate-self Sophie would’ve lapped up this ‘challenge’. I’m 100% in for this process and at the same time need being-space to allow discussions and questions to penetrate.

(I’ve just left my partner, moved house and town and have a lot of newness to adjust to. Today, in this moment, the posting everyday feels out of my truth; there’s a lot of silence/feeling full of experience and I’ve not much energy and mental space for expressing and discussing.)

As things settle I may well be available daily to post and embrace the process more intensely.
Xx

[SophieGoLove]

Hi Stacy,
Things have become clearer this evening,
If you’re still available to guide me I’d like to dive in.
There is a feeling/thought of it potentially ‘being too much’ but I have the time to dedicate to it.
I may not be able to answer a question immediately but I can at least respond in some way until I have an answer?
Sophie x

[Anastacia42]

Hi Sophie,

Yes, I just need to know you're still out there. This is for me, as well as your continuity. I'm a fast-paced think first person and honestly, I don't like to wait around. I've come to accept this about myself.

OK

So, please go back and read the initial post and answer the 4 questions in blue using the Quote function for the question and replying underneath, not in quotes.

Confirm you've read the Disclaimers and What LU is Not, please. Etc.

You can always change your mind and ask for someone else.

Loving,

[SophieGoLove]

Ok. Great.
There is a feeling to ask for a different guide.
Thanks for this and for directness.
Xx

[Anastacia42]

That's fine. I will post your request again.

[vinceschubert]

Hi Sophie, vince here. i will ride along with you for a while.
Reply whenever you feel inclined.
Let's start with what you think 'liberation' or 'being awake' actually is?

vince

[SophieGoLove]

Hi Vince,
Thanks so much for being my guide for a while.

Let's start with what you think 'liberation' or 'being awake' actually is?

Knowing I’m the knowing of experience and not the character and body-mind I’ve identified with. Knowing that all ‘experience’ in itself is the knowing that I am.
Being with This and knowing everything is a part of this, everything is a movement of presence/awareness/knowing…?

Sophie

[SophieGoLove]

I also understand that anything I may ‘think’ isn’t liberation ….

[vinceschubert]

Goor morning Sophie,

Knowing I’m the knowing of experience

Ok, digging deeper, tell me how do you know (ha) when you know? How is it not a certain flavor of belief?

I also understand that anything I may ‘think’ isn’t liberation ….

Why is knowing not thinking? What differentiates them?

vince

[SophieGoLove]

Hi Vince,

Thanks for the questions.

Tell me how do you know (ha) when you know? How is it not a certain flavor of belief?

Is 'ha' - having awareness?
There are words going around in my mind....how to express...

It's like the canvas that everything else is painted onto...?

Beliefs, ideas and thoughts appear in this awareness which sees them, holds them....there is awareness of beliefs..

There's also what could be described as a switch in inner-perspective, so the mind isn't at the forefront of experience which is what it feels like when I'm identified with thought and not being awareness as the knowing.

Why is knowing not thinking? What differentiates them?

Thinking happens in knowing, but is also not separate to the knowing, it's all happening in this same hereness...
(Although I'd been conditioned to identify with thought and the mind so most of the time thoughts can feel separate to knowing.)
Knowing is a stillness, here, presence, all things being experienced in this.
Thinking is past or future, planning, ruminating.

Sophie