Who am I?

[Levina]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That there is no seperate entity somewhere in the body that is me. I understand there are feelings,thoughts,sensations,sensory perceptions happening by themselves....no me attached to it,except for the deepgrained belief that I am doing this. I understand that everything is one.....nondual,no seperate things.

What are you looking for at LU?
To let go of the deepseated conditionings,beliefs of unworthyness, and that I am de doer/controller of Life. A deep longing to trust and surrender to whats happening moment to moment, without the resistance,or trying to make it better,or do something( spiritual practise) about it.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
To challenge and letting go of the beliefs of unworthyness, and that I am the doer/controller. Also the emotions like anger,sadness, and depression that are attached to it. Letting go of the core belief that I don't want to be here, a big No to Life. letting go of the trying to be perfect. This also includes a "perfect" spiritual person.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
Have been with a lot of teachers and done various spiritual practises. I started as a disciple of Osho 40 years ago, and after he left the body I started listening to nondual Advaita teachers. I've been having fybromyalgie for the past 20 years, the pain and discomforts I'm expierencing with this are also helping to let go of the illusion that I'm in charge. The attachment to certain thoughts is more persistent though. I usually device my own meditations and pointers, they work for a while, and then they don't. Lately I started again with laughing meditation every morning, and when the no, or the resistance thought comes up during the day I just laugh.....

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 10

[Lubo]

Hi Levina,

Welcome to Liberation Unleashed.
My name is Lubo and I can join you in this journey, if you are OK?
What name you prefer to call you?

I read your intro and I am familiar with this long searching, conditionings and unworthiness.
Let's look closely here:
Where are you without this searching, conditionings and unworthiness?

Love to you
lubo

[Levina]

Thank's for the reply Lubo.....the name Levina will do.

[Levina]

Just here, ticking in a reply....keeping very close to what's here, moment to moment.....still a kind of doing,or remembering, but that's it too..

[Lubo]

Hi Levina,
Thank you for the replay.

...still a kind of doing,or remembering,..

Notice the potential of freedom that reality is?
Is there real doing and remembering or they are just concepts?

Love
lubo

[Levina]

the doing is when i get caught in thoughts, is to say: thoughts....or it's nothing....or this is it..

[Lubo]

the doing is when i get caught in thoughts,

Does the freedom limited by thoughts?
Is there a small, limited, no free part of reality named I or there is freedom already?

[Levina]

Freedom is here already....there have been insights, and understanding...but apparently the belief of a doer and a center is very ingrained....literally feeling centered in the 3rd eye, heart or belly has become a refuge, a holding on...so I am at the point, in my life that all the "doing to be" work temporarily, and a seeing there is no point in it ha,ha;...indeed no point, but still holding on to points. There have been expierences of falling, and I know how scared the system is......

[Lubo]

Yes :)

Freedom is here already

So beautiful <3

Freedom is here already....there have been insights, and understanding...but apparently the belief of a doer and a center is very ingrained....literally feeling centered in the 3rd eye, heart or belly has become a refuge, a holding on...so I am at the point, in my life that all the "doing to be" work temporarily, and a seeing there is no point in it ha,ha;...indeed no point, but still holding on to points. There have been expierences of falling, and I know how scared the system is......

Yes, like falling. Bring love to the scared system.
And notice is there an I? Was there ever?

ALL LOVE is here already,
lubo

[Levina]

To be honest I don't really know......that's scary.....but yes loving and having compassion for this me, that's so scared of letting go of so called control, and not knowing. Inguiry for me at least is o.k, but a subtle way of staying in the saddle...i.o.w as long as i am inguiring I'm all right,still a kind of safety net. I realize now that even the mention of love and compassion moves me to tears, a kind of surrender. I do cry a lot, and that's always the melting.

[Levina]

Yes :)

Freedom is here already

So beautiful <3

Freedom is here already....there have been insights, and understanding...but apparently the belief of a doer and a center is very ingrained....literally feeling centered in the 3rd eye, heart or belly has become a refuge, a holding on...so I am at the point, in my life that all the "doing to be" work temporarily, and a seeing there is no point in it ha,ha;...indeed no point, but still holding on to points. There have been expierences of falling, and I know how scared the system is......

Yes, like falling. Bring love to the scared system.
And notice is there an I? Was there ever?

ALL LOVE is here already,
lubo

[Levina]

Somehow I submitted 4 times, sorry, don't know how to delete them....very symbolic ha,ha

[Lubo]

No delete option😁
So free.
Notice freedom.
And let the Locked Feelings come out and merge with freedom.

[Levina]

Then freedom must include everything, nothing denied......feelings, thoughts, so what? No judgement,no guilt, no shame, and even that is o'k......I know that, but I have'nt totally realised that....there is the clinch, or belief:

I don't know who I am.....and that's a failure, after being a seeker for 40 years....wrong again..

The spiritual belief on top of that is: I don't have to know who I am, I have to drop all understandings and knowings.

The insight is that I'm literary sick of understanding, and that the understanding cannot undo the understanding.....so give me a whack Lubo.......this mind is too clever by half..

[Levina]

Sorry Lubo, I realised I've been playing around a bit.

I would like to enquire step by step into the belief that I am the doer. And not answer with a spiritual overlay from what I heard or even what I have expierenced myself. Thank you