KNOCKING

[GMC1966]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That there is no separate I or doer. Never has been and never will be. The I is made up of conditioning, thought and memory and reinforced by our “story” and society.

What are you looking for at LU?
Like trying to work out and achieve results on one’s own is difficult because we tend to baby ourselves, the same is true when questioning one’s closely held beliefs. It’s beneficial to have an “outside” perspective on the matter.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect a conversation with one who has seen through the deception of a separate self and has a clear view of reality, having realized the error for themselves. I expect some questions to be asked that I might not ask myself.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I’ve been knowingly seeking for at least ten years, first through yoga and then as a Buddhist and lots of meditation. I’ve recently been reading lots of nonduality and watching videos related to the same on YouTube.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[Lubo]

HI GMC1966,
Wellcome in LU. Thank you for waiting.

My name is Lubo and I can join you in this inquiry, if it is OK for you?
What name you prefer to call you?

let's see this:

That there is no separate I or doer. Never has been and never will be. The I is made up of conditioning, thought and memory and reinforced by our “story” and society.

Where is the I now, can you point the exact place?
What I do and how? Is there two things I +doing? Give me an example from your own experience.

Best,
lubo

[GMC1966]

Hi Lubo

Thanks for replying. My name is Gina.

You asked where is the I right now. That’s a little foggy. There is Sitting, typing, drinking coffee, observing, thinking, etc. when I read your question is there an I+doing, I feel like it’s a character that I’ve known as “me” for 54 years doing stuff and I’m watching. Saying that out loud sounds CRAZY, but that’s what it feels like.

Thanks for reading this....

Gina

[Lubo]

Hi Gina,

Nice to meet you :)

You are doing very well. Yes, the I is foggy, nice said.

There is Sitting, typing, drinking coffee, observing, thinking,

Awesome. Exactly, the life, the reality is a verb.

I read your question

Can you see how the "I" sneaks in?
Of course, we use ordinary words to understand each other. There is no need to stop using I, me, you in this conversation, but rather to find where these words point to.

I feel like it’s a character that I’ve known as “me”

What if this character is a just imagination like Santa, Tooth Fairy?
Is it possible these characters to exists in reality?

for 54 years doing stuff

And of course Santa brings the gift to all children in the whole world every Christmas, for many years.

What if there is no you and never was? There is no free will, no manager of life. Life is happening by itself, for no one.

Gina, please read my comments few times and write me what comes up. All reactions, feelings, everything that is coming is very important.

Saying that out loud sounds CRAZY, but that’s what it feels like.

Thank you very much for the honesty. Keep this way.

Love to you,
lubo

[GMC1966]

Lubo

Thanks for the reply. Yes, the “I” worms its way into everything, that’s for sure. The Santa Claus analogy helps a lot. In the brain or whatever, in thoughts, I see that the I is a lie. Lately, Whenever I feel something (usually unpleasant) I always remind myself: who would feel angry? Who is there to be sad or frustrated? And then it’s like, “Oh, yeah, there is no ‘I.,” When there is happiness, that never comes up. The I just takes credit for that happiness quietly!

For some reason I feel that, now that I know there’s really no I, the I should just go away and never come back! I see that the I is a thought believed in, just like all other thoughts, and seems to be weakening, but then the mind comes in and says, “That’s just because you haven’t had to interact in the world with people for over a year because of COVID!” Thats a thought too!

When you ask questions and I contemplate them, I’ve noticed a lot of irritation and weirdness arising. Like when you asked me if there is I+doing, as I really considered it, agitation really set in and all of a sudden everything was bothersome. I changed my clothes ten times, moved the furniture, couldn’t sit still. I felt like I was quietly watching all this insanity occurring, without intervening. It took a while for that to pass.

You said what if there is no me and never was; what if there is no doer or manager of life and never has been; what if life is just happening by itself for no one and how does that make me feel. At first it feels like: How can everybody be so wrong? How could I not know this? But then that reaction just seems like fear of not being accepted and to not be able to relate with others. But then I remember that if there is no I, that means there is no other. It also, at the same time, feels like a HUGE relief. It feels like taking the weight of the world off my shoulders. To think that I am not the doer and never have been and that there is no “me” and then “everyone else” is freedom from all guilt, shame, conflict, separation, as well as pride and arrogance.

The seed is planted, but it is also apparent that there is no doer here to make it bear fruit! Hmmmmm......

[Lubo]

Hi Gina,
Sorry for the delay. I wrote you the same days ago but i found now that it is disappear.

So here it is fresh fresh :)
You are amazing, there is so much opens and clarity.

There also some strong emotions:

When you ask questions and I contemplate them, I’ve noticed a lot of irritation and weirdness arising. Like when you asked me if there is I+doing, as I really considered it, agitation really set in and all of a sudden everything was bothersome. I changed my clothes ten times, moved the furniture, couldn’t sit still. I felt like I was quietly watching all this insanity occurring, without intervening. It took a while for that to pass.

Is there something left? Fear or other?

The dream character can't figure out what the reality will be without "me" and start creating scary scenarios, but this is not true. There is no I even now. You can notice that noting is change, there are sounds, colours, the family is here...

The seed is planted, but it is also apparent that there is no doer here to make it bear fruit! Hmmmmm......

What is going on now? Where is the I? Is there a doubt?

Much Love,
lubo

[Lubo]

Hi Gina,

What is going on?
Are you still with me?

Love
lubo

[GMC1966]

Hi Lubo

I’m still with you! I’m glad to hear from you.

You asked if there is any fear here. Sometimes fear arises, but there is just watching it. You are right. The mind keeps spinning these crazy scenarios, but if the thoughts aren’t analyzed and believed in, they just seem to fade away.

One thing that arises a lot is this “waiting” feeling, like waiting for some “proof” that, yes, liberation is happening and one day, POOF!, the “I” thought will be gone for good and blah blah blah....whatever. Just typing these words, I know that that is seeking behavior and it is all for the illusory “me.”

It seems I want “you” to tell “me” that everything is going well or right on track. But again, saying that out loud, it is obvious that I’m thinking I’m a “me” and that you are a separate “you” who will tell me, “You’re doing great and it will happen soon!,” which is not truth. That’s seeking again.

Are these old habits that will fall away? There “I” go again!

Gina

[Lubo]

Hey Gina,
I'm glad you're here :)

You asked if there is any fear here. Sometimes fear arises, but there is just watching it. You are right. The mind keeps spinning these crazy scenarios, but if the thoughts aren’t analysed and believed in, they just seem to fade away.

Nice.
Are there scare scenarios which are looping? Write them here, please.
Can you notice what is there behind the fear, is there someone who needs to be protect?

One thing that arises a lot is this “waiting” feeling, like waiting for some “proof” that, yes, liberation is happening and one day, POOF!, the “I” thought will be gone for good and blah blah blah....whatever. Just typing these words, I know that that is seeking behavior and it is all for the illusory “me.”

This is very important topic. Thank you.
There is no I even the I thought is here. There no need I thought to disappear. The freedom is to see that the I is just a thought that is not questioned
and there is nobody who can choose one or other thought.
Тhere is no need for Santa's story to stop appearing, it is here every Christmas, but the belief that there is an old man living in Lapland is gone.
So, the story of imaginary character "Me" will still appear from time to time, but for nobody.
The I thought is just the divine joke :)

And, there is no need to tell you this : "Yes, everything is going well! You are on the right track. You are almost cooked." because everything is already done.

Are these old habits that will fall away?

Put all the habits you want to fall away here:
- ...

Waiting your reply.
Much love
lubo

[GMC1966]

Hi! The scary scenarios that mind keeps putting out there are these:
“You think you are liberated because you feel so free and peaceful a lot more than before, but that is just because you aren’t out dealing with lots of people and working every day.”
“Your kids and family are really going to think you are crazy and you will have no one to relate to. There will be complete isolation.”
“This idea of ‘no I’ seems logical and right at this time, but wait until there’s a tragedy in the family, like a death or you may get cancer, then we will see how long this ‘no I’ lasts!”
Those are some of the things that are on repeat.
You asked me to notice what’s behind the fear and if there is anyone there to protect. What’s behind the fear is a feeling that this revelation, this freedom is too big, too wonderful, too mind-blowing to be true and there’s a feeling of unworthiness ..... a really big feeling of unworthiness. I also see that there is no one here to feel unworthy or scared.
The main old habit that I would like to fall away is this slipping back into the “me,” that contracted feeling. What you said helps a lot: The freedom is knowing that the “I” is a story, just like Santa. There is no one to ban the “I” thought or the “Santa” thought from the world! In fact, the more there is resistance to the thought, the more it appears.
Thank you so much for all you do. Your pointers are so straightforward and helpful. I just can’t thank you enough.

Gina

[Lubo]

Hi Gina,
Thank you for the replay.
I see that this looping thoughts sounds very seriously. It seems that they are here to protect someone.
Can you see that they do their job very well, tirelessly?
They are faithful watch dogs. Can you meet them now?
If Yes:
Thank them, hug them, caress them. Do it literally, with the thoughts-dogs.
Notice that everything is safe right now.
The body is not threatened by anything, the family is fine.
And ask the dogs, since they are here and there is no danger at the moment, do they want to rest?
They can stay as long as they want or go to rest outside.
Let them do what they want.

And now can you notice - is there someone behind this protective mechanism?
Someone or something that needs to be protected?

You asked me to notice what’s behind the fear and if there is anyone there to protect. What’s behind the fear is a feeling that this revelation, this freedom is too big, too wonderful, too mind-blowing to be true and there’s a feeling of unworthiness ..... a really big feeling of unworthiness. I also see that there is no one here to feel unworthy or scared.

Wonderful. Let's see this unworthiness. Why is it here, what important message does it carry?
What must happen to feel fulfill?
Can you ask this feeling, what was it before it became unworthy?
Once the message is heard, does this "feeling" want to return, to become what it is?

In fact, the more there is resistance to the thought, the more it appears.

Notice that thoughts stick to resistance.
But where the resistance stick?

Thank you so much for all you do. Your pointers are so straightforward and helpful. I just can’t thank you enough.

Your are more then welcome.

Much love,
lubo

[GMC1966]

Hi. I’m starting to see that behind these looping thoughts is really nothing. They are a habitual loop of thoughts that have gone unquestioned. I’ve always just changed the subject or agreed with them or pushed them away. As I notice them and give them my attention, I see they are empty thoughts that I’ve believed since I was a kid. I’m starting to understand not to take them seriously....just notice them and know that they are appearing for no one!

The thoughts do stick to resistance, but resistance has nothing to stick to unless it is believed and looped again and again as truth. It is sinking in that when I continually remember that everything is coming and going for NO ONE, that nothing has ever been personal because there’s never been a separate “I,” the thoughts just go back into nothing.

I’m also seeing that I’ve built up so many expectations over the years about what realization means and that they are just veils. I’ve mentioned before that I have so many “ideas” of what needs to happen before I am really free. You asked what needs to happen for me to be fulfilled. I keep thinking that when I really know the truth in my heart that the world will look completely different, that everything will stop looking separate and I will be like”Oh my God! How did I not see this before!” I think I need to drop all expectations and see what’s happening right now. I already feel huge relief and every day things become more clear. It really is a dream, this “me” idea.

Thanks for reading this

Gina

[Lubo]

HI Gina,
Wow, you are on the Gate.

I’m starting to see that behind these looping thoughts is really nothing. They are a habitual loop of thoughts that have gone unquestioned. I’ve always just changed the subject or agreed with them or pushed them away. As I notice them and give them my attention, I see they are empty thoughts that I’ve believed since I was a kid. I’m starting to understand not to take them seriously....just notice them and know that they are appearing for no one!

Wonderful! Can you notice, that thoughts are coming by them self?
Is there a thinker? Creator of thoughts?
Thoughts create the story about character Gina who lives life, but what is really happen Gina or life?
How things are: here are the Life and Gina or just life?
Is the life knows that there is Gina ?

The thoughts do stick to resistance, but resistance has nothing to stick to unless it is believed and looped again and again as truth. It is sinking in that when I continually remember that everything is coming and going for NO ONE, that nothing has ever been personal because there’s never been a separate “I,” the thoughts just go back into nothing

Wow! There are no words. Wonderful :)
Now just grab the true. Is there a me, Gina?

I will be like”Oh my God! How did I not see this before! I think I need to drop all expectations and see what’s happening right now”

Yes, drop all expectations and notice, What is to find that Gina don't exist?
Use own words, see fresh what reality is.

I already feel huge relief and every day things become more clear. It really is a dream, this “me” idea.

LoL :), the wave of relief got here also. Thank you.

Love to you,
lubo

[GMC1966]

Hi Lubo

I do see that thoughts appear and disappear on their own. Seems like there’s no “thinker” of thoughts. When you think there is an “I” there, it seems like the “I” is creating these thoughts and that they must be attended to. But now that I’m starting to notice what’s happening, it is seen that from the moment this body wakes up, the thoughts start appearing and disappearing.

It’s all about not becoming attached and keeping the distance so I don’t get tricked and all involved in this “story” that they are spinning. Life is happening whether this “I” is thinking or not. Gina could drop dead right now and life would not even blink. Life just is...with or without the stories.

It’s not just thoughts that appear and disappear, but feelings and moods. It’s harder for me to stand back from those and remember they are just happening. I’m all into the mood and feeling sad or defeated or whatever really deeply, but then I remind myself they are just like clouds, coming and going.

It’s really obvious none of these things are what I am, but, at the same time, I still get caught up in my story or moods or thoughts a lot. I suppose that all takes time to lessen or fall away. I just keep looking and remembering there is no Gina and there never has been. There’s a character called Gina that is experienced, just like the trees and my pets and cars and clouds. There’s still a feeling of attachment to this character more than to the other objects that are experienced though.

When I see that Gina doesn’t exist, there’s just what’s happening and it feels way less intense and a lot fresher. I flip-flop a lot between the no-Gina and Gina experience. Is it always just a constant remembering thing or will this “story” fade away?

Thanks!

Gina

[Lubo]

Hi Gina,
Thank you for this beautiful answer.

it is seen that from the moment this body wakes up, the thoughts start appearing and disappearing.

What are thoughts?

Gina could drop dead right now and life would not even blink. Life just is...with or without the stories.

Is life knows that there is Gina?
Does Gina exist?

...but feelings and moods. It’s harder for me to stand back from those...

Who or what has a power to stand back from life happening?

I flip-flop...

What is this that flip-flop-ing?
What is Gina?

Much Love to you,
l.