Looking forward to dying.

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Re: Looking forward to dying.

Postby Vivien » Thu Oct 22, 2020 3:59 am

Hi Brent,
I mostly understand it intellectually, with some lived experience.
OK. You have to be very careful with this. And also very honest with yourself.
Whatever you FEEL to be true, that is your truth in that moment, and not what you THINK to be true.
Whatever you think to be true is always just a belief.
I cannot see consciousness being an I. There is just space where thoughts occur, and the seeing of the thoughts makes it feel like a individual self is seeing them.

I have the thought "Vivien can't see THESE thoughts, so I must be separate than her". Is there any reason this awareness doesn't have access to the thoughts you hear?
So you have a belief that I am awareness, and I as awareness am inside the body. And each body had their own awareness, so you wonder how it’s possible that you cannot know what is going on in the body called Vivien.

But what if all of this is just a false assumption?
What if every single body is EMPTY of a self? Empty of an I? Empty of an awareness?

What holds the "Brent" story together? If Brent is an illusion, is awareness the one 'fabric' that binds all of my experiences like a transparent web?
The problem is that you are thinking. You are trying to grasp this intellectually.
But thinking is a total dead-end.
You cannot think or believe yourself into seeing that there is no inherent self.
This has to be an experiential recognition, otherwise you are just replacing one belief with another.

You’ve gathered lots of intellectual knowledge about this topic over the years.
And now this knowledge is blinding you to actually look and see what is here now.
You take these knowledge as facts of reality, thus you miss looking at your immediate experience.
But this will never work. It’s not possible.
Not necessarily a SELF, but a localization of separateness.
This awareness here is separate from my friend's in Michigan. Separate from yours.
You might not see it, but this is separateness is not an experience, it’s just a thought imagination.
Not saying this is true of course, there's just a clear gap between what I know from experience and logic to be true, vs what my experience is right now.
Yes. But I’m going to be honest with you. It doesn’t matter what you think you know to be true, since logic has no place in this inquiry.

Logic is actually in the way of discovering things for yourself.

You have to totally let go of thinking and everything you know about this topic.
Like becoming a newborn baby who has no intellectual knowledge whatsoever.
Otherwise, you will look at your concepts, and not your immediate experience.

I do one-on-one skype session. If you are interested, we can have a session on how to put aside thoughts and just look. I’m sending you a private message about this, so you can decide if you are interested.

The most profound discoveries arise from questioning the obvious.

Website: https://www.viviennovak.com/

Blog: https://fadingveiling.com/

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