Thank you for your full and helpful response. Fantastic... Yes it all makes perfect sense, and I will write a fairly full response back, hopefully to help you relax further into this process, so that you can let go of those final threads.
You could, of course, continue your organic method, but something has brought you here! I totally understand about your experience, and if you continue and trust the process, you will see this all in a much clearer light. So maybe it is time to snip that final thread and let the fabric can fall...... because it won’t drop like a brick....rather will fly like silk gracefully in the breeze, to wherever it needs to be next. : - )
Cutting that final thread is the point when awakening deepens, when in Buddhist terms you enter ‘the stream of the dharma’, and can only float towards deeper awakening.
But I remember being in the process, experiencing the fear too – feeling that I was hanging over a void, holding on to my ‘separate self’ by my finger nails. Then it dawned on me that I was now fearful of the VERY thing I’d been working towards. So I decided to trust in the wisdom of the Universe that had brought me here, and I let go (and have never ever regretted it). So yes absolutely you might feel you are about to fall or you are falling. .....Chogyam Trupnga Rinpoche said about insight practice:
“The bad news is you're falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is, there's no ground.”
To me that letting go, opened me to the passion of being in service to others, in a much deeper way than before – I feel that the direct pointing is the biggest gift to offer anyone and the biggest benefit to the Universe. I wouldn’t be guiding if I didn’t find this true in experience.
It is worth me repeating you are only losing BELIEFS in things that have NEVER existed. You are not going to disappear in a puff of smoke and you will still be able to function normally. The world may look totally different to you afterwards, however other people will NOT notice the difference! (Well they may notice you’re more relaxed but that’s about it!)
Maybe my fear is the speed of this process on LU
It is true that this process can work fast..... Why suffer longer than necessary? To add another metaphor.... I do like a metaphor....if you’re in an airplane which loses oxygen, you have to put your own mask on before you can help others, the quicker you can get that mask on the better able you are to help all the others in your reach.
Thanks for sharing your resistances – exactly as I asked. But of course all of these are thoughts (our Maras again). So let’s use some direct pointing to address them.
Let’s address your sentence, quoted above. Someone once told me that FEAR stood for False Evidence Appearing Real .... so can you find fear in direct experience? What is fear?
I’m noticing that taking these steps further with LU is pushing me beyond my organic process
Where exactly is the resistant part of me?
the fearful resistant part of me that could be feeling ir seeing like a step too far?
Where is the ‘me’ that could be resistant....in your big toe? behind your eyes?
What is “difficult” in direct experience?
Perhaps also it feels too difficult.... or something
It’s certainly fearing that it might be unknown and partly my attachment to the little bit of sense of self I’ve got remaining.
You never had a self to have a sense of, it was only ever an idea ... You have nothing to lose. The words ‘sense’ & ‘feeling’ always indicates a thought (sometimes an interpretation of a body sensation, but not necessarily a correct interpretation.)
where is this ‘little bit of sense of self’ in DE, can you find it? (please look)
It’s as if for all these years I’ve been snipping away at the weave, thread by thread and that’s been fine because when another thread goes I know there are still some more to hang on to but now I feel there are so few threads left and I don’t know what I’d be like to cut the final tiny thread. Cutting the final thread is going to be very different from cutting the others - if none are left then what?! It’s unknown.
This is purely a fearful thought, understandable, but when you think about it.... every ‘next moment’ is unknown.
E.g. In February I had my year planned, my business was expanding to a second location, I had booked two holidays etc but then on 23rd March I came home from work to find those were all ideas. What happened was none of those ideas.... All around me was anxiety as most of the planet was realising what happened next was totally unknown.
what is known with 100% certainty in DE?
You have been safely cutting those threads to date, with each one just seeing clearer, why would this be any different? Metaphorically speaking, cutting this last thread, is just freeing this beautiful piece of silk from the restricted loom.
When you cut threads of fabric the fabric is still in your hands. The fabric in your hand just adjusts its shape each cut you make a cut.
You want control.... you have NEVER had control. : - )
Do you still believe that you control anything?
I’m assuming it’s into a permanent state of DE and letting go of all thought and body.
Yes & no – for some of us the permanent state of DE etc only lasts for a temporary period (for me 2 months of bliss) then there are other delusions to work on... (the illusions of ill will & desire, form & formlessness, beingness, restlessness & ignorance). ... and when it’s time I can help you. For now, just be assured that once let go, once you cut the last threads in the belief in a separate self, there will still be a V functioning perfectly in the world, but from a place of growing peace and contentment, not attached to outcomes & false views but feeling equanimity, love etc.
Don’t worry about the final letting go right now. I think you will relax into this a bit more as we look deeper, tomorrow we’ll look at the body. But I’ll let you absorb this and check out the above first questions first.
Pretty much everyone experiences some fear. Without it, I might suspect people aren’t looking deeply or truthfully enough. You are being courageous on this path, and doing very well.