Fantastic answers re the getting up & making the bed exercises. Well ‘looked’.
I just lifted my arm and scratched my neck and then my head. As I did that I watched it. It was as if my arm was another being. `Another creature crawling around my neck and head. It didn't seem to be any attachment to my body. I had no control of it and it had a mind (or action) of its own
Brilliant!.... the fact you have no control will become more and more clear, the more that you look in direct experience, rather than listen to thought content.
it feels harder to 'get' it when its a whole body rather than a limb.
It will get easier with practice, you might notice that thought believes the controller is inside your head, and therefore if your head moves it must be in control....is this what you think?.....and is it what you find?
Dear Taran, on trying to answer your questions here I feel quite nervous and upset and it feels important to point this out to you.
Sorry to hear you that you are nervous and upset, especially when you’re doing so well.
because I feel as if I have lost touch with what I 'had' in terms of awareness and understanding or recognition
Firstly, you only THINK you have lost touch, it is still there under your fears. Secondly, you will get to a point where you can’t lose touch with it (this may take a little work in further fetters, but you will certainly feel a deeper sense of that awareness at the end of the LU process). I guess you could consider it a bit like a game of snakes and ladders.
This process seemed to be so clear and flowing up. I was reading your messages, doing the exercises, writing my experience, and then posting that back to you quickly whilst it was fresh - like a first impression if you like... and then I was repeating the exercise continuously throughout the day, bedding in the experience, 'playing' with it and exploring it and being curious and watching it. Sort of letting it settle in me whilst at the same time checking it out again and again to be sure I hadn't got it wrong.
I’m sorry that I misunderstood this, and thought you weren’t doing the exercises more than once.
It all seemed to be very clear and easy and automatic and known...
however now I am feeling less flowing and rather jolty. Its as if I have lost my nerve somehow.
So you had a good level of awareness, and this process is asking you to look deeper, but it will come up with resistances (remember I said to point out those- so well done for sharing), and they will appear to be due to other causes.... parts of our mind don’t want to see the truth, and will find any excuse to go ‘but’ and usually this happens just when we are doing REALLY WELL.
You ARE doing really well!
I was doing this process in a way that felt right to me. I felt at ease with it and comfortable. I felt as if it was simply confirming what I already knew. Yet I was paying full attention because I needed to know I know it (if you see what I mean)
Sadly now I seem to have lost that ease and flow. Not sure if any of this will seem relevant to you but I am sharing it just in case.
So I have a couple of questions for you please...
Does it matter how one approaches this process?
Yes it does matter, however what you described above sounds perfect.
Looking all throughout your day with curiosity is super. Better than it feeling forced. I wonder if, since I unfortunately checked that you were looking more than just to complete the exercise, it has felt more forced – more trying to get it right? My apologies.
If you want to return to an immediate answer, and then just let me know the next day (or later the same day) if anything else is seen in your further practicing that's fine.
The main thing is to keep looking, keep curious and keep in direct experience (rather than listening to past thoughts and expectations).
Is feeling my confidence sureness and ease with it all has been knocked - part of the process
Sorry to hear your confidence, sureness and ease feel knocked – you are doing GREAT. And yes absolutely feeling shaken is part of the process....as described above the resistances will start rearing their heads now. This is what is the story of the Buddha under the bodhi tree is about, when Mara brings in all the things he can to distract the Buddha.
Trust me dear friend, I will get you to a deeper, stronger level of awareness if you stick with me in this process.