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Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Mon Sep 14, 2020 5:17 pm
by Ilona
So wonderful to read your words.
Let all this settle in for a few days and write to me, we will talk some more. For now, enjoy!

Love.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Thu Sep 17, 2020 3:33 pm
by BigDaddaOmac
Greetings Ilona, I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what to say. I was riding down a busy road on my bike crying so hard with all the pain I had ever experienced, caused, witnessed, imagined, just sobbing, wailing it was exquisite suffering then a switch and I was laughing hysterically, insanely, utterly free, mentally soaring through spacious blue sky. Then back to the agony, crying so hard, then back again etc.

Then interacting with other humans. No plan (so hard to trust at first, getting easier though) no thought of what to say, just wait until the appropriate time, insert appropriate verbal and emotional response...observe, wait. Be still, do nothing. Listen for silence. Be here now. Passages from the tao te ching keep popping up in my head. Whenever there is an 'I' thought then relentlessly, ruthlessly pursue it- 'who am'I'?, 'WHO AM I?"

Effortless action. Impeccable timing. My thoughts tumble and play and they, when recognised, become part of the eternal tapestry, a one moment forever playing out in divine accordance.

My wife and I have had incredible breakthroughs in our relationship. She was almost destroyed by trying to 'catch' me. I kept silently loving her. She eventually broke down and we talked openly and honestly about our lives, fears, dreams. It is like a fresh love, new and exciting...so precious!

The love of my Guru, do I have to let that go? Is that not true if it led me here???

Things have settled down a bit now. Not having as many peak experiences, more a background awareness of the shift.

While I was in the thick of this transition a book arrived that I ordered when reading 'Buddha on the Bull'. Jed McKenna's 'Spiritual Enlightenment-the damndest thing'. I know I agreed not to read any books about this kind of stuff but the synchronicity was overwhelming so I went with it. I apologise for going back on my word with you. The book is good. Helping me strip things back.

Thanks as always,
much love,
Oly.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Sat Sep 19, 2020 2:33 pm
by Ilona
Hi Oly

Thanks for update. What you describe sounds wonderful. Crumbling down and meeting life freshly, is delicious. Nice that the shifting experience is settling in.
The love of my Guru, do I have to let that go? Is that not true if it led me here???


Hm, well, you can’t tell love not to flow. It’s burns through all conditions. Heart loves and it can include everything. Guru too. Letting go is loving without conditions.

As for jed McKenna book, it’s a good book and it may help to untangle a lot. If it’s already here, what can we do. Write to me what you have learned from it.

Love.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Mon Sep 21, 2020 3:01 pm
by BigDaddaOmac
Hi Ilona, things have settled into a new 'normal' of everyday, understated miraculousness. It cracks me up sometimes as 'I' play my role with half an eye on the perfection and the other on being what I am required to be in each moment. It is so freeing to exist simply knowing that what is 'is' and there is no need to struggle to control or 'be' any other way than what is. I find myself kind of like a puppet. When nothing is required of me I am so content to sit and 'be' and then when there is duty or obligation I eagerly jump to my puppet feel and dance the dance with creation.

A few things that resonated from Jed's book are:

the idea of 'further'. Constantly going deeper, stripping things back, searching for 'truth'. 'Further' has now become part of my programming when I get attached to concepts along with 'who am I?".

Also the idea of being spiritually or mystically minded meaning that you know longer run with the herd or 'mainstream' but at the end of the day you are still running in the same direction definitely applied to how I used to view my identity as a spiritual 'seeker' and how that made me feel superior to normal, boring people.

The fact that all the beliefs and concepts that we carry are what keep us from entering the gateless gate.

Jed's interpretation of Platos' theatre made me think about how many people get stuck half realising the truth and then spread those half truths in religions and cults which leads others to only half 'wake up'.

Similarly Jed's distinction between 'Zen that sells books' and 'real Zen' made me realise how I had used my searching in spiritual practices to make my being trapped in illusion a little more comfortable rather than using spiritual practice to burn through these comforting illusions to discover truth.

I am curious about your opinion on Jed's assertion that there are only ever about 50 enlightened people on the planet at the same time. May I ask whether you consider yourself 'enlightened'?

As always a million, million thanks,
love Oly.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2020 9:14 am
by Ilona
Wonderful to read you, oly, I can feel freshness of seeing in your words.
As for Jed. I am eternally grateful for the guy who wrote the books as reading them was a turning point for me. This book does the job of getting started. But in his own words, kill the Buddha.
I am curious about your opinion on Jed's assertion that there are only ever about 50 enlightened people on the planet at the same time. May I ask whether you consider yourself 'enlightened'?
That’s a big fat unquestioned belief.
Jed is a fictional character, so is ilona. How can a fictional character get enlightened? See, your question is asking if I am considering myself enlightened does not have a answer that would make sense to the mind. Seeing that there is no one here to get enlightened you can’t say I am enlightened, it does not make sense. And there is another problem with this question. There is “i” asking “you” if “you” sees that there is no one here. Like asking a character in a night dream if he knows that he is in a dream. Makes no difference, it’s still a dream.
——————
Is there any doubt? Or is everything clear and obvious?
What questions are still looking for answers?


Love

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Tue Sep 22, 2020 1:54 pm
by BigDaddaOmac
Hi Ilona, I don't have doubt but I have times where I seem to forget the truth for a short while, usually at the end of the night when tired and the kids are shitting me a bit. Or a daydream catches me and pulls me into a stronger sense of self. Almost immediately when I sense any dissatisfaction, resentment or escapism I question 'who am I?' or 'what is experiencing these negative feelings'. I can then remember that I don't exist. No worries!

Things have really settled down in terms of major revelations but the sense of flow makes everything seem clear and obvious. When acting from moment to moment everything seems to be revealed in perfect timing and synchronicity. Again I can quickly notice when I lose this state and am able to return to it with applied awareness.

I have questions about karma, reincarnation, how did my sense of 'I' end up as it is. Is there any free will in awakening or is it just a matter of being ripe, the timing being right? Can I and should I encourage others to undertake this process?

Thanks so much,
love,
Oly.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Thu Sep 24, 2020 7:05 am
by Ilona
Hi Oly,
Thanks for reply. It sounds that things are settling in.
I can then remember that I don't exist. No worries!
Well, you exist. Are you aware right now?
“I don’t exist” is that true?
It’s easy to fall into a trap of denial. Can you see?
The I that you thought you are is not real. But you are here, not as an imagined entity.

Look into this and write what feels true.
have questions about karma, reincarnation, how did my sense of 'I' end up as it is. Is there any free will in awakening or is it just a matter of being ripe, the timing being right? Can I and should I encourage others to undertake this process?
Good questions. What are your answers?

Love.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Fri Sep 25, 2020 1:38 pm
by BigDaddaOmac
Hi Ilona, I had an experience today where I had some computer troubles and my wife became frustrated with me because I often forget my passwords. Things became tense. I was desperately asking myself 'who am I?' and 'what is me?' and I intellectually still thought that there was no 'self' running the show but the fact remains there were some pretty shit feelings in me at that time. There was an element of doubt and fear during this experience that maybe I had not entirely embodied the truth of no-self.

I received your book 'Liberation Unleashed' which I ordered when I first heard of Liberation Unleashed. So amazing that you ended up as my guide. I am forever grateful. Should I read that or leave it for now?

So with karma I think actions have reactions, cause and effect. But I don't know if we get punished for misdeeds. I mean if we are just playing out our humanness then there is nothing to be punished, morality doesn't apply because we are simply following the unfolding of our essence. I also think that suffering can be a gift in that it provokes us to search for meaning, purpose and truth in the universe. So if we think that you get suffering as a punishment for bad actions then you are really being given more incentive to search for liberation, which is beneficial, not a punishment. Maybe an example of bad karma being manifested is leading a hum-drum, mediocre, mundane and safe existence without the suffering necessary as a catalyst to question the nature of human existence.

With reincarnation I think our life force has to go somewhere when we die. I think it is likely that the imprint from a deceased human could manifest in another human suit. I think it is possible to be incarnated in hell or heaven realms but these are due to the perspective of the experiencer rather than a geographical location.

I think reincarnation explains how innate senses of self exist. My two daughters were very different from the moment they were born, very different characters. I think I was born a certain way, a certain blueprint to 'me' existed. But then as I tried to navigate life the truth of that authentic being became lost in socialisation and worrying about 'acting' the right way depending on the circumstances.

I think karma plays a part in the timing of awakening. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I think a certain amount of dissatisfaction with life has to be present to really commit to searching for answers. But then I think of all the billions of people who feel secure in their spiritual path and how that path might mitigate their suppressed fear of the meaningless of their lives. I think of myself and how I searched so hard and so relentlessly, this method, that teaching, the latest book. I actually think I was addicted to the spirituality section of my local second hand book store. The owner always looked at me kind of pityingly. I found Liberation Unleashed when I was looking up a phrase I'd recently read 'rest in the original mind' in a Buddhist forum. The thread got onto no-self and I was tired and I was about to go to bed but there was one commenter who was kind of abrasive and was challenging everyone and I was intrigued as to how it would turn out. His final post was a link to 'Liberation Unleashed'. I hesitated. I was tired. I thought 'I should go to bed'. But I clicked it. Was that karma? Fate? Destiny? The universe impartially unfolding? I think I was ripe.

Now should I go around telling everyone that they do not exist and nor do I? I don't want to end up in a psyche ward again! But I think I can navigate conversations in such a way to gauge if the person I am with has strong spiritual beliefs that they like to talk about and then ask some questions about their assumptions. Not in a jerk way, just to see if they seem interested in the concept. If they are ripe.

Ilona I really feel blessed for what you have revealed to me,
thanks a million,
Oly.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2020 7:41 am
by Ilona
Thank you for reply!
I intellectually still thought that there was no 'self' running the show but the fact remains there were some pretty shit feelings in me at that time. There was an element of doubt and fear during this experience that maybe I had not entirely embodied the truth of no-self.
Is there an expectation, that frustration and shitty feeling should no longer happen because of the truth of no self? No self means that everything is a happening, everything is happening by itself, it’s not like there was a self and no there isn’t. All feelings show up by themselves. Including shitty feelings, frustration and the rest. What you feel has nothing to do with no-self. No self does not replace a self as a doer. It’s seeing that what is here now is not me, mine or myself. No self means zero. There is no no-self. So all feelings come and go. You are not looking to stop shitty feelings from coming, but there is freedom to feel all as it comes.

Can you see that while answering your questions about karma and reincarnation, all the answers come from thinking. “I think”
But really, do you know? The right answer is I don’t know!

There is no need to go and tell everyone that there is no self. People have to be ready for this message, otherwise you can trigger a big fear and rejection. Just like you had at the beginning of our conversation. It’s ok that people are on their own paths and that can be respected. Those that are ready for this will find the message and look. Those that are not, don’t need it. All can be met with love and kindness.

Love

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Fri Oct 02, 2020 1:27 pm
by BigDaddaOmac
Hi Ilona, I don't really have much to say. I get your observation about all the things that 'I think...' are really unknowns. It seems the habit of me wanting to try to figure everything out is still quite strong. I suspect that this will shift with time as I am getting better at just being, trusting in not knowing and acting without a lot of premeditation.

I am noticing that I am more greedy. Part of me trusting in things unfolding means that I find myself eating more sweets like a little kid without guilt or shame. It's like my senses are more alive. I feel much more sexual. My Buddhist friend was appalled when I shared this with him, he described it as 'intoxication'. I am coming to believe that what is happening, is happening and that is exactly what must be happening. So if I am chowing down on candy or experiencing sexual energy then that is ok. What do you think?

Thank you as always,
love,
oly.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Sun Oct 04, 2020 7:22 am
by Ilona
Hi Oly,
Thank you for sharing. You can see the patterns as they come. You can see how more sugar is consumed. And how do you feel about that? Are you free to eat it or is there something that makes you eat it? It can be both. It can be eating candy for the pure enjoyment of it or it can be that eating candy solves a problem. It can be a solution to a deeper problem that is hidden and covered up sugaring up. Which is it?
Same with the sexual desire, is it free and joyful or is it here to solve a deeper problem?
Whatever is happening is here to be seen and it’s all right. It’s how you feel about it and what you learn from these patterns that matters.

So let’s see. Being totally honest with yourself, what is going on?

Love.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2020 7:10 am
by BigDaddaOmac
Hi Ilona, I hope this finds you well. The more I observe it the more I see the pattern of consuming sugar or getting lost in sexual energy where those experiences are sought to avoid restlessness, irritability or discontent. If I really look I notice negative feelings underlying the urge to alter my state through these experiences. Should I let these negative feelings be or explore them?

My life has really been flowing quite effortlessly since this process began but today my wife and I had a fight and I noticed all these really strong defensive, avoidant thought patterns coming up. Very familiar feelings that occur during conflict with my wife. There was the thought 'these thoughts are just thoughts' and I remembered your observation that negative experiences would still occur even with realisation of 'no-self'. What struck me was the difference between my recent effortlessly flowing life experience compared to feeling really stuck in a tricky situation that I felt I had to put effort into navigating. Is there a way to challenge 'I', "me 'mine' thought patterns when they creep back?

Thanks as always,
love,
Oly.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Tue Oct 06, 2020 7:41 am
by Ilona
Well yes. All the old unconscious patterns have to come up to be seen so that they are no longer unconscious. These instances can be welcomed and seen as the next thing to examine. The defensiveness and Avoidance included. Look at this period as a clean up mission and the more allowing towards challenging emotions you can be, the smoother the ride. It does not mean that intense situations are no longer intense, but that intensity is ok too.

Use you best teachers that are the closest people to learn about your patterns. When it hurts, it hurts from inside, no one on the outside are causing it, only showing the hurt, so that you can give it attention.

You can also explore what are the states underneath cravings. What are the parts that are not allowed, not welcome. This requires real honesty with yourself, looking at how you truly feel, what does that feeling want, what would satisfy it.

I can only give you direction, it’s your own playground and exploration park.

Feel free to share your process or keep it private. But it helps to write down what you are learning.

It’s sweet to hear that life has been flowing effortless. Is getting into a fight part of the flow?
What do you mean by flowing effortlessly? And what does it mean to put effort?

With love.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Fri Oct 09, 2020 12:37 pm
by BigDaddaOmac
Hi Ilona, I have had a bit of a bad run recently. I have felt very tired, a bit down and have noticed some negative self talk, anxiety and escapist daydreams creeping back into my mind. This is very conspicuous as these mind patterns have been absent since this process kicked off. I get frustrated with this as I can so clearly remember that state of ease and flow that I have talked about previously. I use the 'Enlightened Quotes' app alot and it helps to trigger a rememberance of 'no-self'. I am beginning to think that maybe I didn't have as significant a breakthrough of 'no-self' as I thought at the time as I am experiencing a lot of doubt now. But having said that I am still living a life that has more awareness and presence and experience as a result of what I have been through with this process. I love being stuck in traffic and watching the energy of all the cars waiting their turn at the intersection while the clouds float past and the birds fly etc. I am confused.

Getting into a fight with my wife was part of the flow, must have been, because it happened. I lost the feeling of support that came from being one with that flow when I resisted and resented the conditions of the experience.

Flowing effortlessly is how I describe what I experience when 'I' don't have a fixed agenda about how circumstances should turn out, I am content in each moment trusting that the future moments will take care of themselves. I am still aware that certain things have to happen like I have to fulfill my responsibilities at work within a certain time frame but I sort of drift through the workday and everything seems to fall into place in perfect timing.

To put effort means to try and control reality or use force on it, to feel fear about something and react to that fear with a need to dominate or use power over it.

Looking forward to your perspective,
lots of love,
Oly.

Re: Not all who wander are lost

Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2020 2:37 pm
by Ilona
Hi Oly,
Thank you for sharing where you are!
Well, let’s welcome doubt. What does it say? What THIS should look like?
What is incomplete?

If it here already, then it’s the best to meet it and see what it says.
My last video may help to figure out where you are. https://youtu.be/uaLwaQEQZdM

To put effort means to try and control reality or use force on it, to feel fear about something and react to that fear with a need to dominate or use power over it.
This is good. Ok, what is that can control reality and use force?
What is that tries to control?

Have a wonderful day.
Love