Page 1 of 3

Seeking a guide

Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2020 12:14 pm
by Thomas123
LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I understand that the sense of self is basically a bunch of thoughts. I have had this basic understanding for quite some time, but feel like there is more to look at.

What are you looking for at LU?
A conversation that points me to questions which can shed light to my current situation, sense of there being something wrong with me, and the nagging experience of feeling unsafe. I have not been able to put my finger on where this sense of unsafety is coming from. I know it has to do with relationships, but I have not been able to see it clearly. I am not entirely sure what I expect to change from this. I simply want to get a clearer experience of reality whatever that might turn out to be. My sense of self is obviously a big part of this experience and I want to question it along with all other thoughts and beliefs.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Challenging questions and pointers to look at places that are currently in a blind spot for me. I have tools to look at thoughts and concepts. What I am looking for is guidance on how to bring more of those concepts to the surface so that I can have an honest look at them. Specifically thoughts and assumptions regarding a separate self.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
Followed the teachings of numerous spiritual teachers, attended The School for The Work of Byron Katie, and I am also a certified facilitator of The Kiloby Inquiries.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2020 3:08 pm
by Dion
Hi Thomas,
My name is Dion.
I'd like to guide you here, if that's ok with you.
I noticed in your introduction, you said you want,
A conversation that points me to questions which can shed light to my current situation, sense of there being something wrong with me, and the nagging experience of feeling unsafe.
What is it you hope will happen here, Thomas? Ideally, what kind of outcome are you looking for?

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Wed Aug 19, 2020 5:41 pm
by Thomas123
Hi Dion!

Thanks for offering to be my guide. I would love to take you up on your offer.

Here is a little background in order for me to clearly answer your questions.

I broke up from a relationship a little over two weeks ago. During the relationship I often had anxiety, especially when I needed to be alone and didn't feel there was a secure connection and attachment between me and my partner. This sense of anxiety has now changed somewhat, but it is still there in a slightly different form. I am no longer afraid of the relationship ending or my partner leaving me (as this has already happened), but the sense of being alone and incomplete is still here. I have a feeling this anxiety is somehow tied to not only feeling unsafe but also to my sense of self.

Since the breakup I have noticed there are now two types of anxiety and feelings of unsafety. The first one is when I am alone, the anxiety seemingly coming out of nowhere. The second one is when I think about connecting again with someone else. Being in a relationship or even simply being physically intimate with someone brings up a sense of me being unsafe.
What is it you hope will happen here, Thomas? Ideally, what kind of outcome are you looking for?
I hope that sense of feeling unsafe goes away and is replaced by an ability to relax, feel safe to go out there and live my life to the fullest. Having the courage to connect authentically with everyone and be at ease with my own emotions.

I used to have a really hard time experiencing and allowing my emotions to be here. Now, I am quite capable of doing that and I am no longer afraid of emotions. Having said that, I am not sure whether the anxiety is being experienced in a way that is allowing it to shift into something else.

In short, I want that anxiety and fear to go away in one way or another. If I need to experience the fear and anxiety for that to happen, bring it on! In another words, I want freedom from the chains this anxiety seems to be putting on me.

P.S. If I write too much, let me know and I will try to be more concise.

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2020 2:34 pm
by Dion
Hi Thomas,
Thank you for your reply.
In this forum, you'll examine the veracity of the idea of the existence of "I".
It's not concerned with self-improvement. It's not about controlling or managing reality. It's about seeing reality for what it really is.
Tell me, can you devote yourself single-pointedly, whole-heartedly and absolutely honestly to this?
As for fear and anxiety.. I hear you Thomas. That's a tough road to walk.
How does that manifest, Thomas? Where? When? Can you describe the ins and out of these feelings?

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2020 8:55 pm
by Thomas123
Tell me, can you devote yourself single-pointedly, whole-heartedly and absolutely honestly to this?
Yes, absolutely.
How does that manifest, Thomas? Where? When?
This is pretty difficult to explain. I might wake up in the morning feeling anxious, have a sense of something being wrong and feeling generally unsafe.

Where? Anywhere.
When? When I am alone.
Can you describe the ins and out of these feelings?
I am not sure what to respond here. The feelings seem to be connected to issues regarding attachment to other people. Also they have something to do with being alone. The feeling and anxiety is just there. I don't know how else to describe it.

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 11:14 am
by Dion
Hi Thomas.
Please take a little time to sit alone and look closely. What it is that feels aloneness? There is a sensation of various feelings. Is there a feeler?
Also, is it ok to feel those sensations, or is there resistance?

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 5:04 pm
by Thomas123
I'm going to take a moment to sit with these questions some more. I find it worthwhile to spend some more time on these. I'll get back to you tomorrow. Thanks!

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2020 1:29 pm
by Dion
Nice, Thomas.
I'm looking forward to hearing from you tomorrow.

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2020 6:52 pm
by Thomas123
Hi Dion!

I had the wonkiest experience of my life yesterday. As I was looking into this, I felt like "no there is no feeler". There didn't seem to be resistance and neither was there any sense of separation. The reason why there didn't seem to be any separation because everything seemed to be "my experience". If I thought about another person, he or she seemed to simply be part of my experience. I was connected to my experience so, somehow, I was also connected to them. I seemed to love everybody, because they were simply reflecting back my own experience. It was like I wasn't really loving them, but rather I was loving "this", which at the moment was equal to my experience.

Today I have felt very confused.

Today there is resistance and there is also a sense of there being someone or something feeling the emotions. Hence there is also the separation.

If I answer your question now, the answer is "yes", there is a feeler. And yes, there is also resistance. As to what is feeling the aloneness, I have absolutely no clue whatsoever.

I am happy to look more into this. This is where I am right now.

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2020 2:51 pm
by Dion
Hi Thomas.
Seems you did some good looking.
You said,
there is a sense of someone feeling the emotions."
Who or what is this someone? You have a sense of a someone else? Another being? Please look closely again at what this something or someone is.

Is that someone or something being felt, or is it feeling the emotions? Are there two things going on?

Also, Thomas, you mentioned resistance. What is resisting? Resistance to what? From where does this resistance arise? Look closely.

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2020 4:44 pm
by Thomas123
I am again going to need some time with this. I'll get back to you again.

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2020 5:24 pm
by Thomas123
Who or what is this someone?
All I can say is, it really seems the one that is experiencing this is me. It is not another being. There is just the experience and I am experiencing it.
Is that someone or something being felt, or is it feeling the emotions?
No, I don't feel that someone. It is just me feeling the emotions.

As for the resistance, I need to get back to you on that. I need to look at it some more.

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2020 10:17 am
by Thomas123
What is resisting? Resistance to what?
It seems to me like there is an instinctive part of my mind which tenses up and resists feeling emotions.
From where does this resistance arise?
It arises from feeling unsafe.

This is somewhat confusing as even though some part of me seems to be resisting feeling emotions, there is apparently something else that is feeling unsafe which is also an emotion. It, therefore, seems like there is one part of me which reacts and another part which registers the experience (the feeling of unsafety, the tightening up, etc.).

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2020 10:02 pm
by Dion
Hi Thomas.
Nice to hear from you.
there is apparently something else that is feeling unsafe
Look closely at this feeling. Look behind it. Not imagining reasons why you feel it, but rather looking for the thing that requires safety. What is being protecfed by this feeling? Look deeply and ask within, what needs protecting?
Conversely, is the current moment, here and now, safe? Are there any immediate threats to your life, wellbeing and safety? You need not exercise any imagination here. Just look at what is, right here, now.

Re: Seeking a guide

Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2020 9:34 am
by Dion
Hi Thomas,
How’s it going?
Are you ok?
Are you still there?

Dion