Sorry for the extended period of silence, I will try to give you notice if there is a time again where I will be unable to respond for an extended period. I predict I should be able to respond every other day for a while ahead.
To sum up what have you learned about time from your own experience?
That everything is mostly remembered as a narrative, accessible through pictures that are in memory or imagination, and there is a "sense" of time, such as different memories come up based on how long ago is trying to be remembered or predicted, such as a day vs a week. That the breaking up of moments or the experience of time can be handy, but also arbitrary. Objective time is experienced subjectively, as in an hour by the clock can feel or seem different based on a few variables. Also that right now is contantly going on and that doesn't seem particularily special or anything and that time mostly makes sense when talking about the past as a memory or the future as a prediction.
As for the debt. Find that feeling, how does it feel to be in debt? Where is that feeling? Is it ok for it to be here?
I am rather used to it, it doesn't provide much of a feeling unless I am considering what my options are in a given situation and the debt I have is relevant, in those cases I can feel a tightness of belly and tenseness of shoulders, and something akin to being trapped. The trapped feeling doesn't have a location of being felt, it's kind of like an unpleasant thought. I guess it's okay to be here, though I think I am missing the point of this particular quesiton.
What comes up when you focus on that feeling?
thoughts that I will always be in debt and never escape, that my hopes and aspirations for building wealth for myself are just imaginations that will never come to fruition. Some fear around a story of poverty relating to a self that doesnt exist.
When was the very first time you felt this?
Hard to say with much certainty, I think it was when we opened our second center and it did not have near as much inital interest as the first and the bills started piling up and were much larger than before and there was a thoughts of futility and having made a poor decision and spending a lot of future money to do it. Though the awareness wasn't there in the same way, I was just stressed out to crazy town and the situation of desparation has certainly changed in a better direction, at least currently, and so what I am feeling about it now is probably different than then, although that may be more about intensity, is kind of hard to say cause comparrison is against memory.
