Seeking Peace

[Sara2]

I have seen those types of pictures. I actually saw one the other day and had that experience of not being able to unsee! That's a great example. I haven't had that experience with reality yet...or at least not a permanent one. I feel like this temporary experiences have always been on the mind level. With looking at that picture, the mind/thinking really does not have anything to do with the seeing. I can't think my way into seeing or unseeing.

I noticed when watching without sound I was more invested in what was happening in the moment. Just watching. With the commentary, I started learning stories about different players and teams. I started to feel more invested in outcomes. I felt the players emotions based on what the narrator was saying. It certainly changed my experience of watching the game because I was thinking more about what was happening then watching what was happening.

Is the commentary on the soccer game a necessity for the play to happen?

No, not at all.

And in the same way, is the inner narration of thought a necessity for the play of life to happen?

No, life just unfolds...the narration appears and shares its opinion on events based on past/future memories or decides it likes something and not something else. It does not actually influence the events, just thoughts and feelings about them.

I apologize for the delay. This is usually due to my work schedule. I worked the past three nights in a row. I did the exercise yesterday afternoon, but just didn't have the time to write back. I also probably overthink what I want to write and it takes me longer then it needs to. I really try to spend time in each exercise before replying. I'm also 7 months pregnant and I've never felt so scatter brained in my life and my time management has been terrible the past few weeks. I will do my best to make the time to respond more quickly. This is something that is important to me and I really appreciate you taking the time to work with me. My sister just got home from her third hospitalization since the accident. I have been trying to help with her care as well. She seems to be doing better. Thanks for asking.

I will say that fear does come up a bit with some of this, because I'm about to have a baby and this fear/thought comes in that if I'm "awake" I might not be a good mom or something? I've noticed this fear before whenever I have big life events coming up. It's like that "ego" part really wants to take over and drive the bus and I notice I don't spend as much time in meditation or spiritual practice. It feels frustrating that that happens and I don't want to do that. Any suggestions on how to work with that would be appreciated!



Sara

[Anastacia42]

Oh, Sara, that *is* a lot going on. If you told me you were pregnant, in addition to the night shifts and your sister needing support, I had forgotten. Considering all of that, you're doing very well to keep up! I'm glad you're spending time with each one. I'll stop wondering about it and just let you show up when you can, but know that momentum and consistency can really help.

As far as your fears, you decide whether this is the time to do this or not. It can up-end your world a bit. Have you read "Gateless Gatecrashers" or "Liberation Unleashed?" Or any of Jed McKenna's books? Or anything that describes what it's like? I'll take a look at your registration form again. Maybe you mentioned something there.

With looking at that picture, the mind/thinking really does not have anything to do with the seeing. I can't think my way into seeing or unseeing.

Exactly right.

I felt the players emotions based on what the narrator was saying.

I have to ask about this one: you felt the player's emotions? Really? Or did your mind tell a story about the players and their emotions? Or you believed a story the narrator told about the player's emotions?

I was thinking more about what was happening then watching what was happening.

Yes. Thinking takes us right out of our present moment's experience and into some fantasy story of past or future.

Which way do you think you would be more effective? Thinking about what is happening or being present to what is happening? This applies to your question about mothering, as well. The commentary is *not* necessary, as you said.

Here is a simple exercise

Fruit Exercise

Have a piece of fruit handy, or something that you like to eat.

For the first couple of minutes imagine you are eating the fruit.....feel the sensations of chewing, the taste, the texture, the fragrance, hear the crunching sound that the chewing makes. Really enjoy the imaginary piece of fruit as much as you can.

Then for the next couple of minutes actually bite the fruit and see the difference.

Experience the fruit with curiosity and dive into the sensations of chewing, swallowing, the sounds and the taste. Really enjoy the experience of actually eating the piece of fruit.

Then for another minute or so describe the taste and smell in as much detail as possible.

Write about it here. What was the experience like?

After you have done this, tell me what you noticed when you compared these three experiences, writing about each of the 3:

1. Imaginary fruit

2. Real fruit

3. Description

Have fun with this and relax.

Loving,

[Sara2]

Stacy,

Thanks, yeah it is a lot. It would be easier if growing a human didn't seem to require so much sleep! Especially lately. Sometimes I fall asleep on the couch right after dinner, and don't get to this or multiple other things I meant to do. Anyways, I have read some of Gateless Gatecrashers and Liberation Unleashed. I enjoyed what I read. I'll revisit those. Jed Mckenna I have heard of, but have not read any of his stuff. Do you recommend any specific book of his? The teachers, outside of my small local network, that I have read/listened to most are Joan Tollifson, Rupert Spira, Adyiashanti, Eckhart Tolle and a few others here and there. Byron Katie too, of course. I gravitate towards different teachers at different times in my life I've noticed.

I have to ask about this one: you felt the player's emotions? Really? Or did your mind tell a story about the players and their emotions? Or you believed a story the narrator told about the player's emotions?

I believed a story, yes. The narrator would tell me what they were thinking/feeling and I'd believe it.

Which way do you think you would be more effective? Thinking about what is happening or being present to what is happening? This applies to your question about mothering, as well. The commentary is *not* necessary, as you said.

Mmmm yes, being present. The commentary does not change whats happening, it just tells me how I should feel about. "I like this" or "I don't like this", mainly.


Fruit Exercise:

Write about it here. What was the experience like?

Imagining the piece of fruit, which was pineapple, I thought about the smell, how sweet it would taste and how juicy it would be. I imagined the grainy texture of pineapple and how it comes apart when I chew it. By this point I am very ready to eat the real thing. I'm craving it quite a bit. With the real piece of pineapple everything is more vibrant. The taste, the juiciness, the coldness and texture, much more satisfying. The sound of chewing it is different then what I imagined too.

After you have done this, tell me what you noticed when you compared these three experiences, writing about each of the 3:

1. Imaginary fruit

I noticed when imagining the fruit, I went to memory of eating pineapple in the past.

2. Real fruit

Eating the real fruit, I was observing the sensations in the body. I was paying attention. It was actually the most delicious piece ( or 3) that i've had in a while.

3. Description

Describing it the imaginary fruit and the "real" fruit eating experience sound pretty similar. I am again, describing a memory. I'm comparing memories.

[Anastacia42]

Thanks, Sara.

I've never grown a human being. I opted out of that experience. So, good luck to you! :)

Describing it the imaginary fruit and the "real" fruit eating experience sound pretty similar. I am again, describing a memory. I'm comparing memories.

Hmm. Are you saying that describing the pineapple and eating the pineapple are "similar?" This asked you to compare an in-the-moment Actual Experience with describing, right?

What is the AE of eating the pineapple?


Here, you seem to have noticed a difference:

With the real piece of pineapple everything is more vibrant. The taste, the juiciness, the coldness and texture, much more satisfying. The sound of chewing it is different then what I imagined too.

You may know what you mean when you reply, but I need you to write it out very very clearly, if you can, please, so that I can tell what you understand and experience.

Loving,

[Sara2]

Hi Stacy,

I felt like I was struggling to describe my experience here...

Hmm. Are you saying that describing the pineapple and eating the pineapple are "similar?" This asked you to compare an in-the-moment Actual Experience with describing, right?

No, I’m saying describing after the eating of the pineapple feels/sounds similar, because it’s thought when it’s no longer AE.
Maybe I didn’t understand what was being asked here in the third part.

What is the AE of eating the pineapple?

The actual experience is alive. My 5 senses are being used! The imaginary fruit is just a picture in my head. A picture of me eating it and thoughts about what the experience would be like, but it isn’t the experience because I’m not using any of my senses. Even remembering a past time eating pineapple can’t predict what the the actual experience will be like now. Thought vs reality is what I see as the difference.

You may know what you mean when you reply, but I need you to write it out very very clearly, if you can, please, so that I can tell what you understand and experience.

Hoping the above is more clear. I struggle a bit with expressing this stuff with writing.

[Anastacia42]

Hi Sara,

Yes, thank you. You're doing fine. Keep LOOKING.

Try this:

Explore ‘Sense of Self’

Let’s say that you have lost your keys and you swear that you left them in your coat. You go to look and check all the pockets - the keys are not there. You swear they must be as that was the last place you remember them. You have a vivid memory of putting them there after you left the house. But when you check they are not there. At this point you can keep believing that the keys are in your pocket, or you can admit you were mistaken.

This is just like that. You may see clearly that the self is an illusion but still feel a sense of self - just like the keys. But feeling something to be true and seeing that it is or is not is different. This is why we may find ourselves coming back to your expectations at the start and at the end.

Now, I’d like to ask you to explore this SENSE of self very-very thoroughly. Not by thinking about it, but by FEELING it. Keep the focus of attention on the sense of self and inquire:

Does the sense of self have a location?

Does the sense of self have a shape or a size?

Does the sense of self say or communicate anything?

If the answer is yes, how does the sense do this exactly?

Does the sense of self have any characteristics or attributes?

What is the sense of self ‘made of’? An image? Sound? Taste? Smell? Sensation? Thought?

What is found?

Loving,

[Sara2]

Just finished another 3 nights of work. Working on this!

[Anastacia42]

Great, Sara. Take your time. Just check in when you can.

[Anastacia42]

Hi Sara,

I never answered this. Yes, Spiritual Emlightemnent: The Damnedest Thing.

Jed Mckenna I have heard of, but have not read any of his stuff. Do you recommend any specific book of his?

.

Hope all is well.

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

Sorry about the typo.

[Anastacia42]

Hi Sara,

When is your baby due?

Loving,