Hi, I'm so sorry, the email went into my junk so I didn't see it! yes, totally up for this, thank you so much for your time. I will try to post every day and be as honest as I can.
That’s all right. The good thing is that you’ve eventually found the emails.
I would like to ask you to learn to use the quotation function, so our conversation will be easier to read later for both of us.
So here is the link to a video how to quote:
Thank you for getting through these questions about expectations. It’s important, because every expectation is in a way of seeing what is here, right now.
Every expectation is a ‘hindrance’ in realizing what IS. Expectations result in comparison. Comparison between what is happening, and the imagined expectation. Thus what has been seen can be thrown out or ignored, since it doesn’t match the expected outcome.
I'm am looking for clarity of mind and to understand my mind better.
What if you don’t have a mind? What if there is no you to have a mind? What if there are only thoughts appearing to no one and owned by no one? Just free-floating effortlessly on their own?
I want to be able to see things more broadly instead of being stuck in the story I always tell myself.
This is based on the assumption that there is a real you, a real self outside the story. But what if there isn’t? What if all there is the I/me the thought-story itself?
What if being stuck in the story is just a part of the story?
I hope that I can observe my day-to-day experience with a sense of calm, for the waters to still.
Seeing through the self is not about getting into a state of an observer. Since an observer would still be the illusionary self, just now seemingly being detached from life, and just observing everything from a safe distance, where nothing can touch me. But this is still an illusion.
What if there is no observer whatsoever? What if life doesn’t happen to anyone? Just life happening but to no one?
I spend almost all day, every day, in my head going over conversations, imagining conversations, arguments, petty disagreements, vaguely aware of how pointless it is.
I hear you. This is the ‘normal’, everyday human condition. This is how it is for almost everybody.
But the freedom doesn’t lie in trying to get rid of these internal movies, but to see that they are not real, and not happening to anyone.
hope that seeing there is is no self will make me a less selfish person as I'm prone to selfish behavior self-centered thinking. I want to be a better person, generally.
Dear Chris, this inquiry is not about self-improvement. It’s about seeing that there is NO self at all.
This won’t change your behaviour. You won't become a better person. This is not about self-improvement.
If you are after self-improvement, then this inquiry might not be for you.
This inquiry is about ti see that the one who supposedly has behaviour is missing from the picture. It’s not there. It’s just IMAGINED to be there. There cannot be a better person if there is no person.
I want to be able to rise above this stuff so I can live more freely and fully.
But this is impossible. You cannot rise above this, since there is no you! There is no self, no I, no me, who could rise above anything.
Freedom doesn’t come from trying to rise above, rather to see that the you who you believe yourself to be is simply doesn’t exist.
When there is suffering or any unpleasant emotion, it’s not just because there is a belief in a self. Suffering happens when certain stimuli poke or touch our ‘wounds inside’. Those wounds are not a person/self. The self is just an added on narrative.
And the personality stays almost completely intact when the self is seen through. All the conditionings from childhood, all the traumas, all the gathered emotional pains won’t dissolve in an instant just because the self is seen through. These most likely will stay, however, they are much more accessible and easier to work with after seeing through the illusion. This is just the first step, just the beginning, and not the end. The falling away of conditioning can last at the end of the organism.
Happiness or peace is a state, and no states are permanent, they are all subject to change. Seeing through the separate individual is not about not having any ‘bad’ or uncomfortable feelings any more. Rather it’s about seeing that emotions don’t belong to anything. They are free floating without being tied to or anchored to anything.
Many seekers believe that seeing through the separate individual is a completely different state that they are currently having, with some special qualities (happiness, bliss, constant peace or whatever). However, this is not the case. Seeing through the illusion that there is a separate entity (self) is not a state. When it is SEEN it, the knowledge becomes factual.
Many seekers have the impression that seeing there is no self is a state to ‘abide in’. It's not.
The image I have is the famous metaphor of the ocean, with thoughts and sensory experience being like waves; there is no center of attention, just the flow of experience.
This is a nice image, but that’s all. It’s quite popular to depict things with the ocean metaphor, but a metaphor is just that. A thought metaphor.
The thing is, that cannot know in advance how it will be. Why? Because all expectations come on behalf of a separate self, who is always in a search for peace, happiness, lack of fear and suffering. We simply cannot imagine it, since we cannot step outside form the separate self’s perspective. We can only imagine within the dream of me. The illusionary me is simply unable to imagine how it would be if it were discovered to be just a fictional character, and not a reality. It can only imagine what it wants for itself.
Please ponder on my comments to see your expectations from a different perspective. Because what I can say for sure, it won’t be how you imagine it to be. Since it cannot be known in advance. It’s never how one imagines it to be.
So it would be the best, if you could drop all your expectations, and just to be a clean slate.
Please, put all the books and videos aside, we are going to be focusing on what you see, rather than what you have learned. Can we agree on this?
Before starting, please read my above comments carefully a few more times and tell me what comes up by reading the comments about the expectations.
Is there any resistance to any of it?
This inquiry is about to see experientially:
There is no separate self at all in reality. No agent that is in charge, no manager, no watcher, no owner of life; all there is is life flowing freely as one movement.
Is this what you want? Is this what you want to see experientially? Or are you rather after self-improvement?
It's not a problem if you are after self-improvement, but then this inquiry is not for you. So please really ponder on this post and what it is that you really want.