Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

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Know1
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Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

Postby Know1 » Sun Jun 21, 2020 6:41 pm

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again. How can something that was so simple and seemingly absolute

What are you looking for at LU?
Simply to be able to pass through this existence free from the clouded seeing of ego that seems to tint every facet of my life. To be abiding in a state where it simply isn't there and my actions are pure and unadulterated coming from love and free from judgement and fear.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
To have pointed out the simplest thing I am missing/overlooking/avoiding /covering up what is my true pure being free from the nearly invisible infuence of my ego, which simply holds me back from the full capabilities of this form in this moment.
I am hoping for guidance in rediscovering and firming up the realisations of non-seperation I have glimpsed and forgotten/covered over and the simplicity of flowing with existence.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
On my 46th birthday, I decided I would spend the next three months seeing if there was anything in the idea of "Enlightenment" that would help me with a feeling of dissatisfaction I had with what is really, a nearly perfect life.

I tried everything for the next three months, meditating up to eight hours a day. When my self allotted time to see if there was anything in this enlightenment thing was nearing its end date, I decided to give it one last go before giving this whole thing up. I went on a weekend retreat and gave up all the striving because up to this point, and I now realise I was running at full speed on the path of unenlightenment. On this weekend retreat were people who have been seeking and studying for decades, yet none of them seemed to have anything under control. So I was feeling a little discouraged, thinking this was another waste of time. So I just gave up. I surrendered. I can remember thinking if I die now, big deal. I think this was the key, and I gave in to what is 100%. And all that I can say about what I experienced are only from what I describe as the fragrance that was left when I returned somehow from the state. I can't explain it, and it overwhelms me, now my only wish is for everyone to have the opportunity to experience this.

There was nothing, but everything. What I thought must have been an instant was a couple of hours. The feelings, emotions and certainties directly after quickly faded, I have not had the same experience again. Although I haven't experienced this absolute bliss, I am at peace with it. What still lingers for me is a calm knowing and a total perspective shift in my life that, in an instant, seemed to rewrite my whole life history from a new vantage point. I never knew there was anything beyond the thinking (monkey) mind. I now feel that nothing new was discovered, but it can now be seen for the first time. And that my awareness of being aware makes me laugh and smile, because it was always there and how could have been so ignorant of the key to everything.

This experience has changed everything in my life, and I am now trying to find the most effective and beneficial way of helping others with this knowledge. And to abide in awareness free from the influence of ego.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

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Someone help me please! I will do anything!

Postby Know1 » Sun Jun 21, 2020 10:45 pm

I need help - There is something I am missing - I can't think of anything I wouldn't be willing to do if I knew that any instructions that were given were coming from a being that exists in a realised liberated state free from ego.

I am so grateful and feel very lucky to have stumbled onto this site, I hope I am not the dumb dumb that simply never gets this and what looks like the only blemish on the seemingly amazing results of helping people lose themselves.

I am thinking about handing in my resignation tomorrow which would give me three weeks where I could concentrate absolutely 100% on whatever is required without any distractions or other commitments.

Again please, if your everyday state is one free from the invisible pervasive control of the self/ego and you have some spare time day or night, any guidance you could offer would be greatly and forever appreciated.

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Why I am Know 1

Postby Know1 » Sun Jun 21, 2020 11:37 pm

I am adding as much as I can here pre-emptively to help and waste as little of anyone's time as possible.

I would say that I have always tried to live my life to the best of my abilities, always trying to better myself. I had thought I had lived a full and interesting life having experienced most of what life had to offer.

When I had a glimpse of awareness beyond the thinking mind, I was blown away I simply couldn't contain my excitement and wish for no-one else to go through this existence without at least being aware of the possibility of such a different state of being. So before I could even slightly articulate what I experienced I started my self styled preaching tour. Accosting just about everyone who even gave the slightest hint of interest in basically anything. I managed to get the local Mormons to always seem to cross to the other side of the street when they saw me ahead of them. Jehova Witnesses unluckily for them have little stands which are a little harder to get away from, I approached Catholics, sat in on Quaker meeting. I even travelled to India with the express intention of asking some questions to the Dalai lama.

Once I started to realise that although I am quite lovable, people were starting to avoid me. I determined to work out three questions that I thought would give me the key in what to do. These were:

How to know who truly to help?
How to know the best way to help?
How to know if the help I am prepared to give will actually be of help in the long term.

So I wasn't able to find anyone who could even help find a way to answer these questions. So I simply decided I would simply serve, whatever was asked and whatever was in my means, wherever I sensed a need.

What I found is that this was not ultimately useful for either party, people appreciated the assistance but I found that they seemed to become dependant on my assistance. After several months of doing this, I feel that what all of the people I help valued the most was the love and attention, and that anything I could do practically was simply an excuse to have someone acknowledge them. Although I am absolutely committed to seeing everything through, I guess my ego felt this was not the most effective use of my time to ultimately help them the greatest number of people in the most effective way in the limited time in this lifetime.

I have the feeling now that the only way that I can honestly work with these questions is simply to be free from self/ego and then from this place let action happen, whatever is asked of me.

For it is only my ego judging the worth and worthiness of my actions, and the feeling of doing more or helping better is simply not allowing me to be 100% with what is happening in that actual moment.

Sorry, I don't know how this got so off track, but as everything is one them I guess it's all connected.

Anyway, after realising the futility of chasing every single human being down to grab them by their arms, look them directly in the eyes and scream at them "Wake up!, there is something you are not seeing, and that something is everything but only one thing and also it's not a thing"
I thought I would work out a way to have seekers automatically identify themselves to me. So, I actually got the paperwork filled out to change my name by deed poll to change my name to Know 1 with the hope it would arise curiosity in people and give me an in.

At this moment I just laugh at my own desperation/enthusiasm, I was simply doing the best I could at the time.

Now there is simply the wish to live as an example as a beacon of abiding non-dual awareness and leave other beings in peace,

unless they give me the slightest indications, then I will come down on them like a tone of bricks. Because this is it.


Again I obviously need help. I am a terrible writer and always come across as a bit of a lunatic, I promise you if we were to talk in realtime I would sound almost normal.

It is very exciting to have found this. I hope to hear from ONE soon.

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I hope this makes thinks a little clearer

Postby Know1 » Mon Jun 22, 2020 12:04 am

Reading through my initial entry, I haven't really explained where I am at with the whole self thing.

I have had a couple of experiences while meditating while on a retreat where there was a witness/awareness/seeing and action then out of nowhere a voice (ego?) said things like "you're a good person, look how caring you are", and they seemed other, I was able to release back into the state free from that felt pure, until the voice intruded again, I notice it also brought judgement. What seemed so incredible was there was nothing I noticed until it appeared, but then it was like there was a hard line of it not being there and it being there that couldn't be noted until this voice appeared.

This happened a few time over a couple of days, and ever since that time, all I have is the knowledge of the possibility but not the experience.

The realisation of a true non-dual experience never appealed to me for everything in duality is so extraordinarily interesting, and these tiny glimpses of non attached witnessing seem like the ultimate way of "being in the world but not of it".

I don't know how I messed it all up; it was there; it was clear beyond any shadow of a doubt. Yet somehow I have piled all my crap on top to completely cover over it.

Someone give a shovel (tool), so I can uncover the true being my ego has buried.

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Know 1 - Stuck in a dull acceptance

Postby Know1 » Wed Jun 24, 2020 10:30 pm

There is always witnessing mainly visual seeing for me; I can't find any origin, yet none of it feels separate.

Looking deeper for the self, ends in a dull acceptance, a kind of recognition with a slight level of annoyance, of there being nothing to find. But I can't get past this. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

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Books that might help re-ignite the flame of undeterrable will in me

Postby Know1 » Mon Jun 29, 2020 10:28 am

There is a determination or force of will, which I feel is a little lacking at the moment when compared to my actions on the path a few months ago.

There is a general feeling of peace and that everything will be ok, but when I look at that, I can't tell if it is true or it's my ego.

I have an idea and was just wondering if anyone thought that it might be worthwhile or not.

I will dedicate myself more to this matter and will simplify my life around this, and I currently don't feel anything with the pointers in the LU app. In the past when I fully immerse myself in a subject, reading and studying as much as I can, there comes to a point where the interest overtakes me, and it seems to become part of me.

Anyone books on this subject people have found useful and might help re-ignite the flame of undeterrable will in me that would be much appreciated.

Thanks

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Re: Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

Postby Anastacia42 » Fri Jul 03, 2020 12:15 am

Hi,

My name is Stacy and I can be your guide if you like, and if you will make an agreement about your length and frequency of posting and having some patience?

We guides are volunteers. Responding to numerous long posts is not something I can agree to. Maybe someone else can, but that might defeat your purpose here. This is not a forum for discussion. It is a forum for guiding and replying to guidance and exercises that will be given.

Your job is just to LOOK where you are pointed and post what is SEEN.

There is an excellent article under Resources that may give you more of a sense of what is helpful here and what is not.

http://www.liberationunleashed.com/reso ... ar-seeker/

So, if you will agree to answer exercises as clearly and concisely as you can and avoid all philosophizing, we can proceed. If not, that's fine, we can find someone else to guide you. None of this is personal.

If you would like to continue with me as your guide, please read the following and answer the questions given in blue.

If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and just confirm to me that you have read it. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Some housekeeping guidelines:

1. Post at least once a day, or every second day. If you need more time, or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know please.

2. There is no one judging answers given, so please be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.

3. This exploration is based on Actual Experience (AE) -

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (body Sensations, not emotions. Emotions are body sensations plus a story we call content of thought)
Tasting
Touching
Thought Arising (but not the content of thought - that is a made up story)


Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress. This is not a self-improvement process. There is no ‘self’ to improve.

4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily meditation practice, it is fine to continue that but is not necessary for this exploration.

Technology is not perfect and sometimes there is a glitch which can wipe out your responses. It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. Always save a copy of what you have done, it will save time in the long run!

To begin with, so that we both become aware of what your expectations are about this exploration. In your own words (not from actual experience, but just honest answers), could you please answer the 4 following questions:

How will life change?

How will you change?

What will be different?

What is missing?


Throughout this exploration I would like you to answer all questions that I have written in blue text. My questions will be in blue.
Please answer questions individually, remembering to use the Quote Function to highlight the question being answered. Please review the Video at the top of this Gate forum for instructions on the Quote Function.
Agreed?

Much love,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Re: Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

Postby Know1 » Mon Jul 06, 2020 9:49 am

Thank you so much for offering to guide me through this.

I apologise for the slow response, I was unable to login for the past few days.

I have gone over everything you ask me to read, here are my answers to the questions you asked
How will life change?
I expect to feel more directly in the flow of life, free from the current constant internal self-dialogue battles in regards to every decision.
How will you change?
I will be more relaxed, peaceful and honest in just being. I will no longer have to think about this. I will know it experientially.
What will be different?
I feel there will be honesty with life and people, with an abiding peace with what is. A lack of need to make every moment/thing better. Hopefully, a more real experience of existence free from the corrupting and judgemental ego. Apart from that, I don't know what will change.
What is missing?
Something, I don't know what, but it feels so small, I feel close. I don't know how to look, some sort of perceptual shift that I am not aware of.
I am sure it is something so simple that I am messing up. My inquiry seems to end in a dull nothing, and there are no insightful realisations there is just nothing. Everything seems evident in logic, but this has not helped me move into an experiential level of knowing. So, I don't know what is missing, but I know there is something.

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Re: Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

Postby Anastacia42 » Mon Jul 06, 2020 7:43 pm

Hi,

What would you like for me to call you? And what time zone are you in, please?

Yes, our site was having trouble over the weekend and was down off and on. It seems to be fixed now.

What comes up when is read that there is no self, never has been and never will be? That self is a made up story?


Please keep your answers brief and concise. Don't go into storytelling. See below on how to answer:

Colored Socks

There is a big difference between knowing that there is nothing to give up and seeing that there is nothing to give up.

Here is an example to illustrate the difference:

If I ask you what color socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to come up with an answer:

• You can think about it, you can think back to this morning and try to remember putting your socks on, and you can probably tell me what color you think they are.

• Alternatively, you can take a quick look at your socks and tell me what color they actually are!

Hopefully you would agree that you can only be 100% certain by looking.

For the purpose of seeing this "no self" idea, it is very important that you are clear about this difference.

Knowing is about knowledge which is all in the mind and we are not interested in that

We are only interested in looking at and seeing what is actually going on in your present moment-to-moment experience. We are only interested in your Direct Experience in the moment..

Direct or Actual Experience is

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (Sensation, not emotion. Emotion is Sensation plus made-up thoughts & labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content - that is made up, a story)


Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.

Much love,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Re: Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

Postby Know1 » Mon Jul 06, 2020 8:52 pm

What would you like for me to call you? And what time zone are you in, please?
Know 1 or David
I'm in the U.K. on GMT 0.
What comes up when is read that there is no self, never has been and never will be? That self is a made-up story?
Reading this here is agreement and a peaceful acceptance, then when I look deeper a little disappointment with the fact that there isn't any strong feeling in reaction to something so profound. I worry that I might have overexposed and desensitised myself to simple teachings and thoughts (lost the beginners mind). Then my very next thing is to dismiss the message and feel like I am talking to myself and asking why doesn't this move you? What's wrong with you? Maybe there is a little weak feeling of frustration, mixed with disappointment. I feel like I am trying to teach/show the self something as if it is separate something - and maybe it will get it and leave me alone. It feels distinct, immature, and a little thick, then there is another part of me that wants to help it. Yet apart from the continuous narration of everything that is done or seen, I can't find an origin for even one of these multiple layers of thought. Yet there is the experience of the persistence vocalisation of thoughts that I can't separate from.

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Re: Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

Postby Anastacia42 » Tue Jul 07, 2020 1:32 am

Hi David,

Thank you.

That's a lot of monkey mind there, isn't it?

Did you understand the "Colored Socks" way of looking? Yes or no will be enough.


Let's try this. The point is to learn the difference between Thought Arising. which us real, something that just happens, and the content of thought or stories. which are made up & have to be taught.

Direct Experience - Labeling Daily Activities

Here's an exercise that I would like you to try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities simply color/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought.

So for example, when having breakfast, become aware of:

Seeing a cup, simply= image/color
Smelling coffee, simply = smell
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought

Just break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with a list exactly like the one above.

Post several of your own observations in a list exactly like the one above, please.

Refer to the green list of Actual/Direct Experience in the prior post if that helps.

Much love,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Re: Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

Postby Know1 » Tue Jul 07, 2020 9:29 pm

Did you understand the "Colored Socks" way of looking? Yes or no will be enough.
Yes.
Post several of your observations in a list exactly like the one above, please.
I can be with an open awareness free from the need either to place my direct attention on any single thing or mentally label with my mind.

I am comfortable with my thoughts arising from seemingly nowhere. This has never given me a problem.

I am getting better at catching myself, adding a story to either the mental labelling or the random thoughts which appear.

Throughout the day while labelling activities, it felt like I was making a story to explain what was experienced. So in the moment, I had to came back from the experiencing to look for a label that would most accurately put words to the senses.

Anyway here they are

Seeing - Narrow path with hedges on both sides
Hearing - Wind through the hedges and distant cars
Feeling - Contrast of temperature. My body feels warm there is a slight cooling breeze on my right side
Tasting - no taste
Smelling - Warm plants and a slight whiff of someone's lunch cooking
Thoughts - Of just trying to label these sensations


Seeing - Feilds of green with a dark grey sky
Hearing - wind whistling by my ears from behind
Feeling - Wind which matches what I am hearing, feels like a single sensation
Tasting - Of country, straw and dirt
Smelling - Matching the taste, hot straw bales
Thoughts - Of just labelling


Seeing - Track through a hedgerow
Hearing - Wind and a distant tractor
Feeling - A very gentle breeze not hot or cold
Tasting - Dirt
Smelling - Dirt and a rotting dead animal somewhere
Thoughts - About what I should be doing


Seeing - Flowers, cottages, hedges
Hearing - Pidgeons cooing
Feeling - slight ache at the bottom of my feet
Tasting - peas
Smelling - fresh, clean air with a hint of rain
Thoughts - of trying to name experiences that were being sensed without labelling

Seeing - shadows, trees, fence and a pile of dirt
Hearing - children playing and birds
Feeling - wind on my arms
Tasting - chocolate
Smelling - the slight smell of grease
Thoughts - watch out

Seeing - Glowing screen
Hearing - computer fan, cars outside
Feeling - relaxed with sore feet
Tasting - chewing gum
Smelling - wood
Thoughts - what am I writing

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Re: Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

Postby Anastacia42 » Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:01 pm

Thank you, you've got this.

Again, and I may have said this already, you're in what we sometimes call "got it - lost it."

The truth is that you haven't lost anything. You're just becoming aware of some of the thought baggage that is not yet questioned or seen through. It can take years to inquire and let go of all of this. Patience is required. Desperate searching is a future oriented thing that will keep you from the now in which all resides. I think you "know" this, but can't keep from the desperate searching that is holding you back.

Considering how to help you best, I have some questions that will help me see if any part of our basic guidance here is unclear to you. I also have an exercise that may help.

First, the exercise:

Sports Exercise

Please note that you will have to check the link when using this exercise, to make sure it is still viable, as sometimes they are removed from Youtube.

The following link is a 7 minute clip of a soccer game. If you prefer another sport…please feel free to find one to do this exercise with.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yy5pL-myDzw

1. Watch one minute with the sound turned OFF, watching ‘people’ messing about with a round thing on a field, up and down, up and down. Let it sink in, the whole experience.

2. Once the first minute is completed, now watch another whole minute with the commentary turned ON.

Notice the differences. Notice how the commentator (thought) offers lots of know-how, even advice. It seems to feel as though they can influence, somehow, what is going on, as though one outcome is much preferred to the opposite outcome.

The commentary may seem to heighten any supporter feelings which are there, and call for an identification with
one team or other, and with the importance of the game itself.

3. Now turn the volume OFF AGAIN and just watch the action with NO audible commentary, the shapes moving around on the screen etc. Again notice all the differences in what is appearing as experience.

4. Now turn the volume ON again and ignore what you think you know thought is talking about, and just notice it as sound.

What did you find when doing this exercise?

Is the commentary on the soccer game a necessity for the play to happen?

And in the same way, is the inner narration of thought a necessity for the play of life to happen?


Please keep your answers brief and concise. We don't need long paragraphs of philosophy here. Just Direct Experience, as explained in the first couple of posts I offered.


Much love,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Re: Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

Postby Know1 » Wed Jul 08, 2020 8:34 pm

What did you find when doing this exercise?
I prefered watching without the sound as I found the commentary distracting and less enjoyable, taking me out from the flow of the action.

Is the commentary on the soccer game a necessity for the play to happen?

No



And in the same way, is the inner narration of thought a necessity for the play of life to happen?

No, I understand this. However, it arrises on its own and is more often in my conscious awareness than any of my other senses. It also tends to diminish and corrupt the other sensory experiences by adding a vocal overlay.

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Re: Know 1 - I have had glimpses but somehow have managed to cover them over again

Postby Anastacia42 » Wed Jul 08, 2020 9:33 pm

Hi Know 1,

Yes, I know you "know" all of this. Sometimes seeing it in an exercise like that can help relax us about it, distance us from it somewhat.

Okay, here are some questions. Again, concise but complete answers. Be sure to answer each and every part of # 5 very clearly, but again, keep it brief.


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days. (In your case, please report from a recent or impactful experience.)

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe 1) decision, 2) intention, 3) free will, 4) choice and 5) control.

a) What makes things happen? b) How does it work? c) What are you responsible for?

Z) Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?


Your answers to these should help as to what may be helpful next.

Much love,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris


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