Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

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CUTTaRUGG
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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby CUTTaRUGG » Fri Aug 21, 2020 9:16 pm

The pattern, you speak of, I'm going to assume you mean my "getting frustrated at not being able to control my sleep and health".

This is something that is happening and my mind does. It gets angry, but being that my mind is part of everything, it is just happening, correct? My mind wants to be the doer but it is just happening.

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Ilona
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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby Ilona » Sun Aug 23, 2020 1:42 pm

Correct, the mind wants to be the doer. And it’s not the doer. So what’s to do then?
There is an alternative. The mind can be relaxed, clear, open, curious, wandering, noticing, learning, creating, simply put, enjoying life instead.

It would be silly to try to control weather, as it’s clear- it’s not listening to my commands and preferences. And it seems that emotional weather, energies that are present is somehow in the hands of me, the puppet master. But is that true?

Is it ok, that all comes and goes? Including unpleasant, including pleasant, should it be different?

Love.

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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby CUTTaRUGG » Sun Sep 06, 2020 12:25 am

The site was down when I last tried to post. Sorry for the delay


My ego wants to control my emotional weather. It believes that having control over my surroundings and life is how we avoid getting eaten by tigers. But I met a Mountain Lion last week and it didn't eat me, maybe it's ok to just observe? (But then ego says "if you were trained (in control) then you could have fought off the mountain lion if she had attacked") and ego isn't wrong. It's about how much I'm attached to being in this body and living a long life.

All comes and goes, good and bad and both are totally fine and part of the experience of being here, taking notes for God on ITS experiment with this Sun and Earth.

Life comes and goes but does taking the steps to train for mountain lion attacks mean I'm trying to "control"?

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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby Ilona » Sun Sep 06, 2020 7:22 am

Wanting to control, trying to control and actual control. Let’s look at this. What are you in control of right now? What is not happening on Automatic?
What do you want to control?
What are you trying to control?
What is behind the wanting and trying to control? What deeper problem does this solve?

Love.

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CUTTaRUGG
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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby CUTTaRUGG » Sun Sep 13, 2020 6:24 pm

I want to control my health. I want to control my safety. An example is, I have a story that if I keep wanting to control my health in mind then I will make better choices for my health.

I'm starting to see that wanting to control is not controlling. When I was driving the other day I noticed that I could release control and I would continue to drive safely. Basically, this is taking the conscious mind out of the equation of decision making. Clearly, I can pilot a car without thinking about it consciously. Clearly, I can jump out of the way of a train without thinking about it consciously. Can the same be said for whether or not I should eat that second piece of chocolate cake at 11:00 p.m.? Or does conscious controlling choice put me in a better place of health?

I get that I believe I control my life. I believe I can control walking into the kitchen, but an earthquake or heart attack might stop me from making it to the kitchen. Am I really in control? Not really.

It's very relaxing and relieving to Release control. I'm experiencing this for the first time . But my ego wants to know where we draw the line? Does it make sense to give control back to the universe around the second piece of cake? How can I tell the difference between releasing control and having wounded parts of me jump up and take control of the moment and my decision? A wounded part that believes I'm not "whole" unless I eat that piece of cake could be very sneaky in disguising itself as being in flow with the universe. How do you discern being a natural flow and being at the whim of my subconscious wondered child parts?

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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby Ilona » Mon Sep 14, 2020 4:59 pm

It’s all natural flow, including wounded parts and all.

It’s a bit like this: if you fall over with a bicycle and hurt your leg and someone is passing by and by accident touches the wound, it hurts and there is an immediate reaction. What would happen in such situation? Can you see this it’s not the passers by fault, that it hurts. The wound is already there, anyone even lightly touching will bring up the pain. And untill that wound heals you protect it, not allowing anyone to come near. But things happen and you experience wounds. And that great, because they come to heal. And they can heal when you recognise them, when you give them attention and allow painful feelings to pass, to unfold.

Can you look and tell me, can anything be outside of the flow of life? Is there anything separate, independent, that can flow against or besides life?
How do you see that?

Love.

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CUTTaRUGG
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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby CUTTaRUGG » Mon Sep 14, 2020 5:27 pm

I have a story that our ego is outside of the natural flow of life. Like it's some sort of man-made control mechanism that's meant to save our lives and maximize reproduction but it's not in tune with the Universal flow. Otherwise, wouldn't we just be in flow while being controlled by the ego?

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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby Ilona » Mon Sep 14, 2020 5:52 pm

Interesting story. But is it more than a story? Does it have a proof of that? Man made control sounds like there is someone here pulling the stings and makes life go one what or another. Is that true? Where is this ego, that is manipulating life? Can you pin point it? What is ego in control of right now?

Here are some questions for you.
Let’s dig deeper.

Love.

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CUTTaRUGG
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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby CUTTaRUGG » Mon Sep 14, 2020 6:04 pm

The ego is in the mind/body. It believes it's in charge of my survival. It makes me suffer my feelings. It makes me feel upset with my life. It makes me think that I'm a person with stories that need to be learned to survive.

Isn't the whole point of "No Self" to realize that I'm not the person with stories? I get that I'm really the energy of my soul behind the stories/body with the ego program creating illusion of "person". But I haven't been able to internalize this "knowing".

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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby Ilona » Wed Sep 16, 2020 9:52 am

ego is in the mind/body. It believes it's in charge of my survival. It makes me suffer my feelings. It makes me feel upset with my life. It makes me think that I'm a person with stories that need to be learned to survive.
Good news, there is no ego, as a controller, that can do any such things. There is no one here in charge of what is happening. To see this, find ego. What do you find? Poinpoint it and see what is there?

What is ego? Is ego an entity in charge?
Is there me and ego and ego is like a wild monkey that does what it wants? Find out what is really going on by looking right here right now and noticing what arises.

The point is no self is to see that there is no person at all in actuality. It’s a made up story about a person. And that you are not a story or can be defined by a story. You are here, with and without the story. So what are you without the story?

Love.

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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby CUTTaRUGG » Wed Sep 16, 2020 8:11 pm

I am the energy that has been moving since the beginning of time and can never die. My energy has manifested in stars, planets, space dust, rocks, single cell e coli, dinosaurs, salamanders, birds, apes, other human beings and currently, this body/mind complex. I'm a unique group of frequency vibrations that are an expression of the divine creator sharing my/our experience along our ever evolving creation. That feels true, but is that a story too?

I find Ego as the story teller & story seller. It creates the "person", which is a group of stories. Where does it exist? In the mind & body, stored as conscious and subconscious stories/beliefs in energy/tissue. The Ego is only in charge if my Self allows it to sell me its stories/fears/beliefs. Getting it to stop running like a wild monkey seems to be a process of dissolving my belief in it's reality.

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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby Ilona » Thu Sep 17, 2020 6:42 am

Thank you for reply.
I am the energy that has been moving since the beginning of time and can never die. My energy has manifested in stars, planets, space dust, rocks, single cell e coli, dinosaurs, salamanders, birds, apes, other human beings and currently, this body/mind complex. I'm a unique group of frequency vibrations that are an expression of the divine creator sharing my/our experience along our ever evolving creation. That feels true, but is that a story too?
Very nice story. :) and sure, it feels true. But it’s a soap bubble. It’s like a drop of water would say, I am the ocean, I am the fish and I am the expression of divine water. No. The drop is water temporarily taken a shape of a drop.
I find Ego as the story teller & story seller. It creates the "person", which is a group of stories. Where does it exist? In the mind & body, stored as conscious and subconscious stories/beliefs in energy/tissue. The Ego is only in charge if my Self allows it to sell me its stories/fears/beliefs. Getting it to stop running like a wild monkey seems to be a process of dissolving my belief in it's reality.
So you have your Self and ego, as in two forces?
There is voice in the head, that keeps talking, in other words, there are thoughts coming one after another. Is that voice ego? And that ego creates a person? Then what is a person?

Is the person here now reading these words? How do you know?
Perhaps there is no ego, no person as an entity in charge of what is happening? It’s all life flowing freely as thoughts, as stories, as images, as beliefs, as experience.
Is ego something outside of life making life dance by its will?

Look deeper.

Love.

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CUTTaRUGG
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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby CUTTaRUGG » Thu Sep 17, 2020 8:22 pm

1) You say the water is temporarily taking shape as a drop. Am I not the creator's energy temporarily taking shape as a human? If not, what manifests as the water or me?

2) My understanding is that the voices in my head are Ego, trying to survive & maximize reproduction. The Ego creates the stories that are the "person". I get that I am not those stories, nor the ego. A person cannot read words as a person is an illusion. My consciousness can read words though, no?

But are you saying that I'm not the consciousness? Some would refer to it as "Self" or the Hindu's call it the "I am". I presume these are all ways of saying my "soul" or the "energy that was never created nor can be destroyed" or the "creator's energy" in me exploring this universe.
Perhaps there is no ego, no person as an entity in charge of what is happening? It’s all life flowing freely as thoughts, as stories, as images, as beliefs, as experience.
Is ego something outside of life making life dance by its will?
I'm not sure what to do with this set of statements. If there's no ego, then what causes me to suffer? Just my current state of life flowing? And at some point, when I don't feed my concept of "ego" then I'm not suffering and life is just flowing as that set of stories/beliefs/experience? This kind of makes sense but I'm fuzzy here

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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby Ilona » Tue Sep 22, 2020 6:59 am

Thank you for reply and sorry for the delay with the answer.
You say the water is temporarily taking shape as a drop. Am I not the creator's energy temporarily taking shape as a human? If not, what manifests as the water or me?
You can say that. The creating energy is expressing as this shape. That energy is aliveness, sense of being, sense of being aware.
If there's no ego, then what causes me to suffer? Just my current state of life flowing? And at some point, when I don't feed my concept of "ego" then I'm not suffering and life is just flowing as that set of stories/beliefs/experience? This kind of makes sense but I'm fuzzy here

Life is flowing as all kinds of experiences and not all of them are pleasant nor should they be pleasant. The idea that there is ego that is causing me to suffer is saying that there is me and someone else here. That this me has or owns an ego. This me is fighting with the ego. But it’s all a grand illusion. There is no such entity as ego, living inside and making you suffer. Suffering is resistance to what is happening, to what is. That resistance shows up with a narrative about a me, about an ego about suffering. Resistance is a reaction that flows naturally and freely. Can you see that?

What is here without resistance?
Does this that is here now need to be fixed?
Or is it ok for all to be as it is?

Love.

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Re: Fed up with seeking so... Seeking Guide... Ironic

Postby CUTTaRUGG » Sun Oct 11, 2020 6:37 pm

That resistance shows up with a narrative about a me, about an ego about suffering. Resistance is a reaction that flows naturally and freely.
So you're saying that resistance to the story of me and ego is also naturally flowing life? Everything is naturally flowing life then? Even my resistance to the resistance with this conversation?

Is that to say there is no illusion? That all just is as it is? Nothing to be figured out or correctly aligned? Just accepted?


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