Feeling stuck and looking for some assistance.

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SeeEye
Posts: 246
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2012 7:02 pm

Re: Feeling stuck and looking for some assistance.

Postby SeeEye » Tue Jun 09, 2020 9:07 pm

The following questions are always asked at the end. Feel free to copy paste some parts from your previous message if you like. Answer at once or however you like.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

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Wolflarsen
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun May 24, 2020 11:32 am

Re: Feeling stuck and looking for some assistance.

Postby Wolflarsen » Fri Jun 12, 2020 12:58 pm

Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
There is no separate “Self/me/I” at any time and there never was. What I took to be a separate self was a story. An illusion built up and strengthened over the course of my life through constant reinforcement and a misplacement of attention. “Sean” is basically a name tag for “my” body and personality. I adopted this identity and mistook it for what I am. Everything that happened in Seans life, all the stories about himself (positive and negative) and his problems and likes/dislikes are made of thought. Thoughts that appear in awareness, just like any appearance - sight, smell, taste, feelings, emotions etc. They all appear in the same “space” and that space is what I am. It is open and detached from the comings and goings that appear to/in it. Without the Sean story nothing would change, the story and it’s consequences would disappear, but the awareness with which reality is experienced and known would remain unchanged. When i actually look for a self, all i find is a sort of empty space.
Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
When I was born I came into the world just experiencing what is and somewhere along the way I became identified with the idea that I was a separate thing. Once I learned language and started to label things as this and that, the separation became further embedded and the feeling of “me” (my body) here, and other objects over ‘there” increased. This was reinforced further by family and society in general as i grew and continued to make my way through the world. I got so far from my true self (awareness) that I forgot what i really was. Before long I had manufactured a whole history and story about my life and all that had happened, day in and day out reinforcing it all with thoughts about these things - which are themselves only thoughts.

The separate self works by claiming ownership of what is experienced as awareness, so instead of seeing, hearing, thoughts appearing..there is I see, I hear, my thoughts appear. To be free of the separate self is to know that I am not all of these things and that I am what experiences them,. There is no need to claim them as mine. They are just happening. To nobody. There is nobody to claim them.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels very liberating to see no self. I feel a lightness about things, like a weight was lifted. I’m aware these are cliches but its true. A lot of what has been bothering me in my life just doesn’t seem to have that much power now. Problems don’t disappear but they don’t see like such a big deal, and when they do just recognising that they are not arising to anyone takes the sting out of them. I found myself a little rattled after initially experiencing no self, due to certain expectations I had. I worried that as the initial experience waned, that I was “losing” the realisation so to speak . However, i’ve found that as time has gone on, that feeling has stabilised and become just a quiet groundedness. I also feel that I can see through a lot of the bullshit habits and notions I had about things prior to all this. I can feel a slow letting go of things I was doing to prop up my ego and make me feel better about myself artificially. It’s early days but the signs are really encouraging.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
I’m not sure I can pinpoint the exact moment. I think it was a steady build up. I think your advice to drop expectations was big. I was focusing on and looking out for things i had read but when you said to drop all that and focus on my direct experience things began to change. One night I woke up at 5am and suddenly saw what no self was on a different level than i had previously, this felt like the first big “Realisation”, which was quickly followed by one or two more and that seemed to cement it all for me.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decision happens, same with intention. These are response to stimuli that just take place, without a cause, no doer doing them. They are thoughts that appear like any other thoughts. The reason we think that we are responsible for them is because we immediately claim them to be “my decision/intention” but this occurs after they appear in experience. If I decide to have a coffee there is no one in control that decides to decide to have a coffee. The thought to have a coffee appears and the self claims the thought as its own. No one making any decisions. There is the illusion of a decision being made, which ties into free will, you think you have a choice between blue and red but where did the thought to choose blue come from? who decided to choose blue? It just appears. There is no control. We simply witness what is happening and only think we have control, free will, make decisions etc because we think we are the body and the mind and not that which is aware of these things. Ultimately, I am responsible for nothing, because I am just here, now experiencing things unfold as they unfold. I don’t have a choice.

This is something I find difficult to get my head around, I know that all the above are illusions but the feeling of being the decision maker is hard to shake sometimes. I know i’m not but it can still at times feel like I am.

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SeeEye
Posts: 246
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2012 7:02 pm

Re: Feeling stuck and looking for some assistance.

Postby SeeEye » Sat Jun 13, 2020 4:30 pm

Would you like to talk about your current experience, what's next, practice?

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Wolflarsen
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun May 24, 2020 11:32 am

Re: Feeling stuck and looking for some assistance.

Postby Wolflarsen » Sat Jun 13, 2020 4:48 pm

Yeah i'll continue to let all of this sink in and practise self enquiry. I'm trying to let go of any expectations and take a relaxed approach. I really feel there has been a shift in perception so I guess I'll see how that goes. Is there anything you recommend i do from your experience?

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SeeEye
Posts: 246
Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2012 7:02 pm

Re: Feeling stuck and looking for some assistance.

Postby SeeEye » Thu Jun 18, 2020 4:11 pm

Hi,

The reviewers verified your seeing, I think an admin will send you a message, there are some groups on facebook if you are interested. If you don't receive anything and want to participate send me a PM.

If you want to continue reading, I recommend you review Gary Weber's blogspot. He is a direct path person, and he quotes research, topics of interest and some dialogues with people who have continued on towards the thoughtless space.

Usually at this point it is helpful to continue self-inquiry and to work on letting go of attachments. These are ego programs, external solutions to problems (having money, a career, certain relationship, status) that we really can't control but rely on in some way.

Glad I could be part of your journey.

Cal

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Wolflarsen
Posts: 21
Joined: Sun May 24, 2020 11:32 am

Re: Feeling stuck and looking for some assistance.

Postby Wolflarsen » Thu Jun 18, 2020 8:06 pm

Thanks again Cal, really appreciate all the help.

Take care

Sean


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