Awareness

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Bananafish
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Wed Jun 10, 2020 7:01 am

And it is true that when I think about how we are all one consciousness and that there is no real inherent "me", it does help with the suffering. Honestly, anything that helps right now is very much needed. I feel as if I'm barely hanging on.


If I'm truly honest and direct, I would have to say, any of such ideas will
make you an addict for soothing slogans, which will never satisfy you completely.


What I suffer from the most is realizing my mistakes from the past and the fact that they will forever be a part of "my story."


What makes you believe about that "forever" part?
Also, why shouldn't mistakes included in the story?
I'm available for Skype or Zoom face to face conversation. Drop me a line and we could arrange
the date.
Email: swinganova@hotmail.co.jp
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Caylirae
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Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Wed Jun 10, 2020 9:15 am

Then how do I do any of this? What do I do? I don't want to be an addict. I had had some hope coming in to this that I could finally break free from this pain and experience freedom. Now I feel like my soul is absolutely crushed. I just need help in finding the truth. What am I doing wrong?

Don't people seek because of their suffering? I don't understand. I was lead here for a reason, I feel. The forever part is that desperate part of me that hurts so bad and feels like theres no light at the end of the tunnel.

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Bananafish
Posts: 3631
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2014 3:29 pm
Location: Japan
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Wed Jun 10, 2020 10:17 am

Then how do I do any of this? What do I do? I don't want to be an addict. I had had some hope coming in to this that I could finally break free from this pain and experience freedom. Now I feel like my soul is absolutely crushed. I just need help in finding the truth. What am I doing wrong?


Please note that I don't intend to abandon you, but there seems to be a fundamental
misunderstanding in what I could offer here. Seeing truth doesn't mean that you "break free" of
any kind of pain. Do you think that you first have to break free from something to be free?


Seeing truth is seeing truth; everything that may come with it is a byproduct, and there is no
promise that something will happen which you expect truth to bring. That is a subtle way of
selfish, manipulatory thought, in which you hope that something called truth will bring only
what you wish to bring.


At least, that is my own experience; I was forced to confront one of the worst pains ever,
which appeared after I first went through this process. As I look back on the process,
that was what I needed the most, and I could do that because I knew what was true.


If you expect that your pains will disappear after the successful completion of
our conversation, I would have to say that may well not happen.


Don't people seek because of their suffering? I don't understand. I was lead here for a reason, I feel. The forever part is that desperate part of me that hurts so bad and feels like theres no light at the end of the tunnel.


Yes. And are you trying to get rid of those feelings?
Please tell what you want to do with them, not what is said to be right to do with them.



Having said that, I would be very glad if I could be your help in a way
you truly need to be helped.
I'm available for Skype or Zoom face to face conversation. Drop me a line and we could arrange
the date.
Email: swinganova@hotmail.co.jp
Website: https://en.modernkoanproject.com

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Caylirae
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Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Wed Jun 10, 2020 1:59 pm

Ok, I understand. And thank you for wanting to help.
I am working through feelings of pain with a licensed therapist. There has been some ease of suffering with that help. I know that trying to get rid of anything will most likely just perpetuate that which I wish to get rid of.

I would like your help in being pointed towards the truth and offering more clarity in this process I am going through. I sometimes feel like a scared child who doesn't know anything and is lost in a sea of doubt. Which would make sense for the manipulation and selfishness. I do sense a lot of fear, just in general and being in reality. I only wish to know truth.

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Bananafish
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Thu Jun 11, 2020 7:23 am

Sorry, I am not very sure what you mea as "truth."

The truth is that you are scared, isn't it? You have to look into it very deeply,
without searching for truth something outside it.


The thing I would point here is simple:

1. There is no such entity you've thought yourself to be.
2. This doesn't promise that your fear will disappear.


and if you try to eradicate this fear by knowing truth, that "truth"
would always be a crooked one, and it is no use continuing this dialogue
if that motive is kept, as it would most certainly come in the way of
seeing what is truth.


So, please know that, as there is no such entity as "self," there is no concrete thing
called "truth."


Am I making myself clear?
I'm available for Skype or Zoom face to face conversation. Drop me a line and we could arrange
the date.
Email: swinganova@hotmail.co.jp
Website: https://en.modernkoanproject.com

Bananafish
Posts: 3631
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2014 3:29 pm
Location: Japan
Contact:

Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Thu Jun 11, 2020 7:24 am

Sorry, lots of typos and mistakes going on; hope it makes sense.
I'm available for Skype or Zoom face to face conversation. Drop me a line and we could arrange
the date.
Email: swinganova@hotmail.co.jp
Website: https://en.modernkoanproject.com

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Caylirae
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Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 4:39 am

Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Thu Jun 11, 2020 3:15 pm

Ok, yes I understand.

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Bananafish
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Thu Jun 11, 2020 10:12 pm

Thank you. :)

How is self felt now? What is the feeling that you exist here in this world?
I'm available for Skype or Zoom face to face conversation. Drop me a line and we could arrange
the date.
Email: swinganova@hotmail.co.jp
Website: https://en.modernkoanproject.com

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Caylirae
Posts: 70
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 4:39 am

Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Thu Jun 11, 2020 11:58 pm


Thank you. :)

How is self felt now? What is the feeling that you exist here in this world?
When that question is asked, I sit with myself and ask the question. When I ask, it feels as though there is just a general sense of being. This sitting and being and asking the question is just happening. "I" don't feel any particular way. I know that I exist in this world, but also that all of this is a mystery. It's all just happening. And it feels that way too. Just being is what comes up at the moment.

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Bananafish
Posts: 3631
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2014 3:29 pm
Location: Japan
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Fri Jun 12, 2020 10:33 pm

Hi. :)

How does it feel to know as you described I the previous post?
I'm available for Skype or Zoom face to face conversation. Drop me a line and we could arrange
the date.
Email: swinganova@hotmail.co.jp
Website: https://en.modernkoanproject.com

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Caylirae
Posts: 70
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 4:39 am

Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Sat Jun 13, 2020 4:22 pm

Hi. :)

How does it feel to know as you described I the previous post?
Hi and thank you for still being here with me.

This question confuses me a bit. Is there a way to re-word it? I do apologize. This gets very mindboggling most of the time Image

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Bananafish
Posts: 3631
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2014 3:29 pm
Location: Japan
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Sat Jun 13, 2020 11:52 pm

Hi. :) No, I just asked how you were feeling.
How do you feel now?
I'm available for Skype or Zoom face to face conversation. Drop me a line and we could arrange
the date.
Email: swinganova@hotmail.co.jp
Website: https://en.modernkoanproject.com

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Caylirae
Posts: 70
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 4:39 am

Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Sun Jun 14, 2020 4:01 pm

Hi. :) No, I just asked how you were feeling.
How do you feel now?
I feel ok. I feel a slight shift in perspective lately. Like a feeling of not taking things as personally? If that makes since. Which is a good feeling.

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Bananafish
Posts: 3631
Joined: Mon Dec 08, 2014 3:29 pm
Location: Japan
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Re: Awareness

Postby Bananafish » Sun Jun 14, 2020 10:32 pm

Good to hear that. :)


How is the sense of being you (self) felt now?
I'm available for Skype or Zoom face to face conversation. Drop me a line and we could arrange
the date.
Email: swinganova@hotmail.co.jp
Website: https://en.modernkoanproject.com

User avatar
Caylirae
Posts: 70
Joined: Thu May 21, 2020 4:39 am

Re: Awareness

Postby Caylirae » Mon Jun 15, 2020 4:07 am

Good to hear that. :)


How is the sense of being you (self) felt now?
In this moment, self feels relaxed and present. There has been a feeling of grace and forgiveness that has also been coming up, which is nice. I have been doing a lot more self inquiry and questioning everything. In this process, it seems that I always come to the same conclusion-silence, or nothingness. Things just are the way they are. I have these feelings, but then I dig and dig and keep inquiring. I know acceptance is key here.

But who is here to do the accepting? Who is acknowledging that acceptance needs to be made? And then I become still. And sometimes in that stillness, there are uncomfortable feelings and uncertainties, but the "me" part is getting more acquainted with passing through these feelings. Because I'm not taking them as personally anymore? Does that make sense?

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