Happy to help

[Waves392]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
What our species refers to as "I", does not really exist and cannot be found upon investigation, or even by simple looking. No one can locate the "I". It is useful to refer to the physical organism and its patterns for the sake of communication. It's just another thought, but one with which many of us are identified as themselves.

What are you looking for at LU?
I'm looking to offer my assistance as a guide and to deepen in my own experience of the no-self. I am open to any new wonderful way I can look at it via conversation, and to help others look at it as directly as possible to make them realize the absence of self.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect to be guided on how to guide others, and to gain new perspectives necessary for both guiding others and enhancing my own experience. I am also eager to discover any gaps in my understanding from conversations with guides, so I can do my best when it's my turn to guide others.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have undertaken a variety of spiritual practices since 2010, which made me come across books from all areas referred to as "spiritual". In the beginning of 2019, traumatic events from a seemingly supernatural romantic connection made me question the validity of my self, which was identified with my feelings. Due to narrowly escaping with my life on a train track because I didn't care about my life, I became angry and decided to find out the truth about me, the truth that resided higher than simply being a victim of unrequited love.

I quickly reread Jed McKenna and started off on a spiritual autolysis journal. I wrote for months and the inquiry about truth later moved to my head, where I'd question everything. I also read Anthony De Mello, and did deprogramming. A year later, I had moved into an intellectual understanding of no-self, and it trickled down into my experience and made me increasingly comfortable. Gateless Gatecrashers was the final point on seeing how obvious the whole thing is, and for that Ilona, Elena, and the gatecrashers have my gratitude. :)

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

[MichaelD]

Hi Waves,

My name is Michael and I am very happy to assist you.

That was a very unusual introduction!

Because of that I will dispense with the usual preliminaries, except that could you please learn to use the quote function and can you kindly click on the spanner at the bottom of the page to set email notifications. Thanks.

You state:

A year later, I had moved into an intellectual understanding of no-self, and it trickled down into my experience and made me increasingly comfortable.

Could you elaborate please.

Are you saying you passed the Gate?

How does that feel?

How has it changed 'ordinary life'; family, friends, work relationships etc?

Do you think there has been a definite shift?

Looking forward to reading your reply,

Michael

[Waves392]

Hey Michael,
Thank you for taking time to reply. You can call me Aaqib.

Could you elaborate please

Obsessive seeking dropped after intellectual understanding via logical arguments in my head. Afterwards I was able just to rest and do nothing else. Although I sensed there was more to come in terms of realization.

Are you saying you passed the Gate?

Later on, I came across Ilona's books. They were very easy, relaxing reads, and directly showed me the "I" just isn't there. This lead to a certain shift that changed everything on a fundamental level of perspective. Although I feel stupid in saying that because literally nothing has changed. I think I have passed the gate, but you are welcome to tell me otherwise.

How does that feel?

Like I'm persistently charged with electricity. I remember a childhood event, in a fast food place, standing in a kids game zone, crying and screaming after another boy pelted me with those colorful plastic balls. I feel like I should have been laughing instead. What did he hit? I was never there. :)

How has it changed 'ordinary life'; family, friends, work relationships etc?

I'm more inclined to just listen, or relieve others from understanding myself. I don't feel a need to be understood. Although I definitely have more appreciation both spending time with people and myself. I wasn't very interested in working, but now I am open to finding work that suits me, or even to just work for myself.

Do you think there has been a definite shift?

I think so.

Looking forward to hear what you think about all this, and ready to answer any questions you may have,

Aaqib

[MichaelD]

Hi Aaqib,

Thanks, lovely.

Later on, I came across Ilona's books. They were very easy, relaxing reads, and directly showed me the "I" just isn't there. This lead to a certain shift that changed everything on a fundamental level of perspective. Although I feel stupid in saying that because literally nothing has changed. I think I have passed the gate, but you are welcome to tell me otherwise.

Yes, the 'everything has changed but nothing has changed' rings true for many - including myself.

I feel like I should have been laughing instead. What did he hit? I was never there. :)

Exactly - it is not just that there is no self now but as you say there never has been....

How has it changed 'ordinary life'; family, friends, work relationships etc?

I'm more inclined to just listen, or relieve others from understanding myself. I don't feel a need to be understood. Although I definitely have more appreciation both spending time with people and myself. I wasn't very interested in working, but now I am open to finding work that suits me, or even to just work for myself.

This all seems fine and probably better than before?

Do you think there has been a definite shift?

I think so.

The shift can be anywhere in the range from 'Big Bang' with all the fireworks or gentle and even gradual over a few days.

It sounds as if for you it has been at the more gentle end of the spectrum.

However, it is usually clear that it has happenned - there is a certain non-reversibility to it that somehow seems apparrent.

There as an alarm bell ringing at "I think so" but as I am trying to explore that could also be because for you realisation was gentle.

When were you reading 'Gatecrashers'?

How long have you been with this new perspective?

Michael

[Waves392]

Hi Michael,

Thanks for replying.

This all seems fine and probably better than before?

That could be said, yes.

There as an alarm bell ringing at "I think so" but as I am trying to explore that could also be because for you realisation was gentle.

Likely a gentle realization. Nothing sticks for long now, although for as little time as they last, things are felt intensely. Thoughts and feelings come and stay and go away wherever they came from, and I don't feel a need to latch onto any particular narrative.

When were you reading 'Gatecrashers'?

5 days ago.

How long have you been with this new perspective?

Around 5 days. It's been rock solid, especially during sleep, where dreams are largely interrupted by permanent being.

Looking forward to hear from you again.

Aaqib

[MichaelD]

Hi Aaqib,

Thanks.

Overall that all seems fine. :-)

How long have you been with this new perspective?

Around 5 days. It's been rock solid, especially during sleep, where dreams are largely interrupted by permanent being.

"It's been rock solid" sounds great!

What would you say is the biggest difference in how things are experienced?

..."where dreams are largely interrupted by permanent being".

This I don't understand at all. Could you explain please.


Do you have any remaining doubts, or confusions, in relation to seeing no self?

Michael

[Waves392]

Hi Michael,

Thank you for your reply.

What would you say is the biggest difference in how things are experienced?

I can't attach to any state, it ends up leaving. I feel some hilarious relief when negative states dissipate, not that I expected them to leave, but they do. Oh well :) I can't be a sad little boy as I always was but who cares. I'm neither ecstatic nor sad, just amused at the flow of things. That is my major observation so far.

..."where dreams are largely interrupted by permanent being":
This I don't understand at all. Could you explain please.

Fair enough, I myself thought you'd require some explanation on this one, but I didn't want you to read a super long reply initially.
When I'm having dreams, I now know very explicitly they are devoid of substance, and I break dream character to go back into deep sleep. Naturally, the dream(s) resume, but each time I am a little bit more unable to take them seriously. Quite funny :) but it can be an unusual experience. My lack of identity asserts itself most powerfully in sleep, apparently.

Do you have any remaining doubts, or confusions, in relation to seeing no self?

No doubts or confusions, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm feeling quite excited, albeit in a calm manner, to see where this leads. Anything can change. And most exciting to see myself change. Pardon me if it's too big of an assumption, it seems now I can be happy in even the worst of conditions.

Please don't hesitate to ask more questions.

Aaqib

[MichaelD]

Hi Aaqib,


Paraphrasing you are stating that states don't stick, a sense of wellbeing is present even in adverse conditions, and it seems like a (sometimes humerous) flow, that you are enjoyng it.

Sounds good to me :-)


LU has a set of questions that help to give a summing up of what you have seen and might help clear up any remaining confusion.

Would you have a go at answering them? If any issues arise we can explore them......

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Take your time and answer as fully as possible, that really helps.

You can answer them any way that suits you, one at a time, in pairs, or all at once, whatever is best for you.

If you have seen them before be sure to answer from experience rather than intelectual understanting or memory.

Enjoy the process,

Michael.

[Waves392]

Hello Michael,

Thank you for your patience.

I've taken my time to answer this as fully as possible.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, in no place, shape, form, or time, it was, is, and will be.

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

It arises in thoughts of "I have to do something about something", like a manager drawing up an action plan in response to thoughts and feelings. It's like an acquired reflex, but far easier to see through it now. It's just another thought that can't really do anything by itself.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It feels like a breath of fresh air to see this, interesting to see it uncoil like a previously tightly choking, albeit non-existent, boa. The difference from the start of dialogue till now is being able to feel more free of having to be any particular way.
From the past few days, states both mental and physical have dissipated much faster than usual.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

A quote from Gateless gatecrashers, there's no "feeler", only "feeling", no "thinker", only "thinking". I instantly saw it.

5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

Decision, intention, free will, choice and control are narratives constructed to explain how things happened. Life makes things happen, not the thoughts that say how it happened. It just keeps happening without any input from any sense of self. I don't exist as a separate self so I'm not responsible for anything. I adjusted the pillow beneath my head to make it more comfortable, but only after I did that, does the thought "I did that". For all I know for sure, it just happened. No "I" came to tell me it did that until it was already done. :)

Nothing to add for now, but I am looking forward to more questions from you.

Aaqib

[MichaelD]

Hi Aaquib,

Thanks for your post. I have further questions for you.


I will present our conversation to senior guides. This is the process of confirmation.

If they have any further pointers or questions I will get back to you with them. If the other guides are happy then you will be invited to a couple of closed fb groups (Unleashed and Aftercare17) where you can explore your new perspective with other folk.

There are also other post gate ways to dialogue and explore and of course when / if you are happy to you can also guide others. At the beginning you expressed an interest in guiding so you can follow that up when confirmation is complete.

If you are confirmed you may be informed by email or PM so keep a look out, and on this forum too as I will get back to you either with further questions or to keep you updated.

All best wishes,

Michael

[MichaelD]

Hi Aaqib,

I am very happy to say that there are no further questions from me or other guides. Consider yourself a Gated being!

You have really been so lovely and easy to work with - so a big thank you for that.

We are done here but as I said before keep an eye out here, on PM, and email, for invites from admins. To join the closed post awakening groups you will need to be on Facebook.

If you want to friend me on fb you are welcome. My name is Kevin Michael Donovan.

All best wishes,

Michael.

[Waves392]

Hello Michael,

Thank you for the confirmation. I was looking for this thread to reply to you, but I found it had been moved to the archives.

You're welcome. I'll add you on Facebook where I'm Aaqib Chowdhury.

Thanks a ton again to you and other guides,

Aaqib

[MichaelD]

Hi Aaqib,

No worries. Brilliant it has all gone so smoothly and swiftly.

You said you might be interested in guiding. You could mention it when you are invited to 'Unleashed', or you could ask Ilona.
Or I could mention it to Ilona for you? There is absolutely no pressure though, and it maybe a good idea to settle in to your new perspective for a while.

Warm regards,

Michael

[Waves392]

Hope you're well, Michael,

I think you mentioning it to Ilona is fine, no objections.

I have found Kevin Donovan (Kevin Michael) on Facebook by searching your full name and have sent a request. I hope it is you. You can correct me if I'm mistaken in that case.

Thanks for replying,

Aaqib

[MichaelD]

Hi,

Your request hasn't come through yet....

Is Aaqib Chowdhury your full name?

Michael