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Sunshine
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri May 01, 2020 10:54 am

Hello there!

Postby Sunshine » Fri May 01, 2020 10:58 am

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
You see your thoughts but are not attached to them. It's like you are looking out of your body for the first time.

What are you looking for at LU?
A man who awakened 3 years ago told me about LU. Since I just "woke up" he suggested I get in touch with you for further guidance. I know I can't lose it. However since I am not around people & certainly never been in a meditation group I probably need some support. I don't know what else to say here.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Just reassurance from others that have experienced this awakening to help by giving me pointers, I guess. It's all new for me. It would be nice to have a guide m now that I'm out & detached it would be have someone else who understands this.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have been in bible study off & on for years. I am 67 years old. November 2017 my fiance jumped off The Skyway Bridge killing himself. I went into a black depression and had a heart attack and panic attacks. I was totally alone without any family or friends for 3 years. I thought God was punishing me for cohabitating with Billy. I was further tormented with the thoughts that Billy was burning in hell. I felt demons attacking me. I started listening to christian teachings on my tablet 16h non-stop a day. I couldn't eat or sleep & lost 70lbs. I was so worried that I wasn't "saved". I had a repentance pillow & I was on my knees confessing sins all the time. I had to be hospitalized twice. I finally found a church that would counsel me. I went for a year but I got worse. This past January I started to listen to people who had NDE's and started believing that there wasn't a hell. This got me questioning 30 years of a very rigid faulty belief system. I left church for good!
I started watching Eckhart Tolle and Michael Singer on YouTube videos. I started doing a little meditation. I continued to watch non stop teachings from anyone who experienced this awakening. With this virus quarantine I didn't go anywhere. I wouldn't have anyway because I have no friends. So I kept watching, praying & asking. I started noticing things around me that I never noticed before ie; trees, plants & birds. Everything began to look brighter and the colors were more vibrant. I still was very anxious (smoking a pack of cigs a day )and waking up very depressed though. Well yesterday when I woke from sleep I didn't resist the depression . I just said "well you're not me" & it left. When I got up I didnt feel anxious I just started seeing & experiencing things like I was looking out for the first time. My long painful story was just that, a story. It's hard to explain. I just feel free.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?'
10

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Seamist
Posts: 2074
Joined: Wed Aug 16, 2017 3:21 am
Location: Shropshire, UK

Re: Hello there!

Postby Seamist » Fri May 01, 2020 1:11 pm

Hi Sunshine
You say that you have experienced an awakening - can you tell me more about that? That'll help me to know what might be most helpful for you at this point.
I look forward to reading your response
Sioned


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