I'm so exited about you guiding me! :) Thank you so much!
You are welcome :)
Thank you for getting through these questions about expectations. It’s important, because every expectation is in a way of seeing what is here, right now.
Every expectation is a ‘hindrance’ in realizing what IS. Expectations result in comparison. Comparison between what is happening, and the imagined expectation. Thus what has been seen can be thrown out or ignored, since it doesn’t match the expected outcome.
But saying that I must confess I secretly hope that some big realization will change my whole worldview, like it did with so many of the spiritual teachers I listen to, like Eckhart Tolle for example. His book "the power of now" was my first spiritual stuff I came across in my lifetime, previous to that I thought all those "spiritual" people are wasting their time searching for unicorns, but after that book I became one of those people. And since his awakening was very brutal, happened over a single night, maybe I made this as my goal and I'm still expecting the same thing to happen to me, even though I have realized it probably never will, not in the same way at least.
This is a big one! :) The thing is that what happened to Eckhart T. is very-very rare. One in a million, or less. So if you expect something like that than you are just setting yourself up for a big disappointment. For most of us it’s a gradual process. It would be very good if you could let go of this expectations. It’s just in a way to recognize what is here now, in the simplicity of the immediate experience.
In the past I would say peace, but now I'm not so sure. I mean I realized that in peace there is no evolution, no progress. Especially spiritually. So now I can say I want spiritual progress, I want truth! Even if it doesn't mean peace.
Peace is a state, and no states are permanent, they are all subject to change. Seeing through the separate individual is not about not having any ‘bad’ or uncomfortable feelings any more. Rather it’s about seeing that emotions don’t belong to anything. They are free floating without being tied to or anchored to anything.
Many seekers believe that seeing through the separate individual is a completely different state that they are currently having, with some special qualities (happiness, bliss, constant peace or whatever). However, this is not the case. Seeing through the illusion that there is a separate entity (self) is not a state. When it is SEEN it, the knowledge becomes factual. Many seekers have the impression that seeing there is no self is a state to ‘abide in’. It's not.
The thing is that it cannot be know in advance how it will be. Why? Because all expectations come on behalf of a separate self, who is always in a search for peace, happiness, lack of fear and suffering. We simply cannot imagine it, since we cannot step outside from the separate self’s perspective. We can only imagine it within the dream of me. The illusionary me is simply unable to imagine how it would be if it were discovered to be just a fictional character and not a reality. It can only imagine what it wants for itself.
Please ponder on my comments to see your expectations from a different perspective. Because what I can say for sure, it won’t be how you imagine it to be. Since it cannot be known in advance. It’s never how one imagines it to be.
So it would be the best, if you could drop all your expectations, and just to be a clean slate.
Please, put all the books and videos aside, we are going to be focusing on what you see, rather than what you have learned. Can we agree on this?
And when I try not to be a self intentionally soon after I see that its actually "Me" trying not to be "Me" and its very frustrating.
Exactly! It’s good to see this. :)
So what is this me that is trying to not to be a self?
Where is this me, here now in this moment?
As you go about your everyday life, how does the self/I/me show up?
Don’t go to the story about the me, rather look at the me itself.
What is it like? What is it made of? Does it have a shape or a color? How big it is? And where is its exact location?
What does the word I actually point to? If you take a finger (literally) and land it on I, where does it land?
Can you see, smell, hear, taste, touch the I? Try it, with each sense.