Hi dear Ilona,
I've now been staying with the sensations in my belly for a few hours (with some breaks) and here are the results of this exploration.
I invite you to focus on the Energy in the belly and allow it to be here, to be seen, allowed, welcomed.
Drop a question into it and see what comes up for the answer
- what do you want the most?
- what do you want me to know?
Write to me what you get.
I rest my awareness in the belly and allow the sensations of contraction to be there and as I ask the questions a number of answers seem to be arising in a flow of thought. Here are some of these.
Q1 (What do you want the most?):
- To be seen, heard and lovingly held
- To be free to be and feel
- To move and transform
- To be unconditionally accepted
Q2 (What do you want to tell me?):
- Don't be so hard on yourself
- Relax and breath
- Trust the process
- This too shall pass!
- You are loved!
- Actually you are Love itself!
Regarding the wisdom you shared about the truth realisation being the realising that everything is just happening, and that there is no doer, no manager, no observer, Instead only life flowing freely. Although I have had some experiences along these lines, I still feel a deep longing to clarify a couple of things I find very confusing. I hope that is ok, even if it might seem theoretical. These questions come up often in me and seem to be hindering deeper trust in looking. Here are the main questions:
1) If it is really true that there is no doer/controler/manager/no-self that has any effect at all on the natural free unfolding of life, how come it seems like we are creating our own perception of our lives from the beliefs we hold (e.g. the belief "I'm not lovable" leading to highly dysfunctional intimate relationships that feedback this belief)?
2) Aren't we in some level of reality actually individuated fragments of consciousness itself that in our confusion (and from our conditioned subconscious beliefs) create the whole of our twisted separate sense of self experiences, instead of being clear and directly experiencing the natural unfolding of life without the warped interpretations creating suffering and often dysfunctional reactive behaviour?
3) I mean how come it makes any difference how I relate to the emotions arising? To meet and allow then in contrast to just fighting or avoiding them (as in the above exercise). Doesn't this exercise imply that "Am-ness" (Consciousness) lost in identification with the character "Eric" and "his" arising emotions (from "his" subconscious programs) actually in some fractal of reality has some kind of choice? I mean how else could work as this guiding you help with actually work, if there was no choice at any level? Why would it help that the illusion of a self (i.e. Eric) starts facing his emotions and even talking to them in this dual language way?
To me it seems like there are different "universal laws" at work at different levels of the fractal manifestation of Consciousness/Life. The fact that in clear seeing of Reality there quite obviously exist no self (no choice, no free will, and so on) doesn't necessarily seem to apply to the fractal level of "the human story line" where there instead seems that in the "illusion" of choice there actually appears choices that need to be made wisely and wilfully. Isn't that the very "Dance of Lila", Consciousness/"God" being lost in its own creation and creating more confusion and illusion in this state of confused identification?
Again apologies for these questions if they in any way might be distracting to the guiding process, but to me these questions are unfortunately central and seem needing answers for there to be any level of coherence and clarity of mind enough to be able to look deeper.