Woodland Flowers

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aconite7
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Woodland Flowers

Postby aconite7 » Tue Feb 18, 2020 12:55 am

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
It seems that my concept of "me" has been constructed since I was born, with elements of personal, family and cultural history, etc. There is this relative selfing, but no self per se. Seems quite rational to me.

What are you looking for at LU?
I need some help seeing through my thought habits. This habitual self fears so much, and there seems to be deep peace in stepping out of those old habits. I have been involved with Triratna for a few years now, but find the process a bit archaic and rigid. I came from a background with quite a lot of meditation and can't find a way to fit the system easily. I imagine this could be a forum for me to move forward in my spiritual development more directly.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I expect to be asked questions about my assumptions about reality and my self, with a view to spotting where I am clinging to false beliefs. I would be interested in having a Triratna order member guide me because I'm curious to look at all 3 Laksanas in my inquiry if possible.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have been doing some sort of spiritual practice and meditation since around 1997. I have done shamanic work, centreing prayer, lived at Findhorn for a while, and did lots of "personal development" groups. I keep coming back to Buddhism and have been focused on that more directly for about 10 years.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
8

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Seamist
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby Seamist » Tue Feb 18, 2020 10:23 am

Hi Aconite
I'm a Triratna Order Member and can guide you here if you'd like that? Just a heads-up, though, LU just looks at the 1st Fetter (of no self) and that's what we'd be doing here. Would you be happy with that? I can suggest alternatives if you'd prefer that - let me know (PM me).
x
Prabhakari

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Seamist
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby Seamist » Tue Feb 18, 2020 11:44 pm

I'm just adding a note here so that I can tick to be notified if you reply x

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aconite7
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby aconite7 » Sat Feb 22, 2020 11:42 am

Hi Aconite
I'm a Triratna Order Member and can guide you here if you'd like that? Just a heads-up, though, LU just looks at the 1st Fetter (of no self) and that's what we'd be doing here. Would you be happy with that? I can suggest alternatives if you'd prefer that - let me know (PM me).
x
Prabhakari
Hello Prabhakari,

Sorry for the slow reply. Just working out how this works.
Thanks for the offer. That's great. What do we need to do?
Rob

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aconite7
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby aconite7 » Sat Feb 22, 2020 12:15 pm

I'm just adding a note here so that I can tick to be notified if you reply x
I just thought maybe I should reply to this message so you can be notified. I look forward to working with you. Thanks, Rob

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Seamist
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby Seamist » Sat Feb 22, 2020 12:53 pm

HI Rob,
Good to hear from you.
I need to cover some basic stuff about how we'll do this before we get going.

Have you read the introductory stuff about LU (and that about "What LU is not")?.
And are you able to post every day? It's fine if you're ill or away or something, but I ask that you let me know (and I will do the same with you)

You'll need to familiarise yourself with the use of the quote function - please use this when you're quoting something I've asked - it just makes it easier to follow the thread. I'll do the same if i@m referring t something you've said
like this
.
I will put anything I specifically want you to respond to in bold like this
Does that seem ok to you so far?
Prabhakari

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aconite7
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby aconite7 » Sat Feb 22, 2020 2:14 pm

Thanks Prabhakari,
I can post every day and will work out the quote function. Not immediately clear but should not be too hard. Thanks
Rob

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aconite7
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby aconite7 » Sat Feb 22, 2020 2:39 pm

And I have also read the bits about what LU is and isn't. Rob

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Seamist
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby Seamist » Sun Feb 23, 2020 8:31 am

HI Rob,
That's great.
Say this aloud to yourself 3 times There is no separate self at all in reality. No agent that is in charge, no manager, no watcher, no owner of life; all there is is life flowing freely as one movement.. What' comes up in response?
xx

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aconite7
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby aconite7 » Sun Feb 23, 2020 11:10 pm

What comes up is an awareness of the extent to which my current meditation practice is working. I have been listening a lot to the recordings of the a retreat I did with Tejananda in October called Compassion and Emptiness, and by keeping in touch with that practice there has been a lot of loosening of clinging to a separate self-sense.
A main bump I noticed as I read was at "no watcher". For large parts of my meditation it seems there is a watcher. Consciousness watching limitless space for example.
I also seem to identify with an agent in this sense of agency. This feels pretty subtle, but it often feels like its up to me to get things done, to generate work, to do a good job, lacking in confidence and feeling confident, etc.
These are my initial noticings.

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Seamist
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby Seamist » Mon Feb 24, 2020 10:06 am

Morning Rob
That sounds helpful, and indeed that you are well on your way. Great!
Is there fear? Is there a doubt? Resistance? Frustration? Something that wants to scream and make a turn away, something that says this is not working? Or maybe there is a feeling of wow, joy, relief?
x

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aconite7
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby aconite7 » Mon Feb 24, 2020 11:13 pm

The most novel feeling I have at the moment is a lightness which is more prominent after meditation. Maybe that's the relief you mention. But also I notice I've been avoiding this lightness for too long through old habits of mind and body. I think its fear. A discomfort with the ease. It's hard to put my finger on why. Something Tejanada said struck me, about our innate sensitivity. Also I've been looking at a similar experience, tenderness. I feel quite vulnerable as I open up to experience, and then the desire to distract move onto something else

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Seamist
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby Seamist » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:10 am

So an edge of fear, would you say?
Explore what it is - what of? and what's behind it? what is it protecting?

x

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aconite7
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby aconite7 » Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:38 pm

This edge of fear feels restless, agitated, uneasy. I think its based on ideas about how I should be, how life should be, with my time slipping by and the strong desire to make some sort of meaningful mark. Even if it is based on buddhist ideals, there is still an I who wants to make a difference and be remembered, and who also doubts my ability to do it. So I would like to protect this self that feels like a fraud and is living a meaningless life.

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Seamist
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Re: Woodland Flowers

Postby Seamist » Wed Feb 26, 2020 1:37 pm

Hi Rob,
That makes sense to me.
What about expectations?
What do you expect that "gating" is going to be like?
What do you want from it?
How do you imagine a liberated human behaves?
What should it be like?
What will it give you, what do you hope for?
What don't you want it to be like?

x


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