Ascending Aquarian

Welcome to the main forum. When you are ready to start a conversation, register and once your application is processed a guide will come to talk to you.
This is one-on-one style forum, one thread per green member.
User avatar
kathysexton1
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:38 pm

Ascending Aquarian

Postby kathysexton1 » Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:40 pm

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That there is an opportunity here for healing and liberation of the shackles through this process. The inherent self is an illusion a construct created in this incarnation. It is the source of suffering when identified with as the only aspect of who you are. I want to reduce the hold the "self" has in inhibiting the life I want.

What are you looking for at LU?
A feeling of deeper love and feeling of deeper connection to the Divine. I have been on a spiritual path for the last 3 years and I want to go deeper. I was given this address by the person who did a reconnection session and they spoke highly of the site. This person had very good energy and talked a lot about the illusion of separation and identification with our "personality" and physical body. I would like to have access to people who are also on a path of growth whose ideals I can value and understand.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I really don't know what to expect but I will be open. I hope it will help to go to another level of growth by assisting in getting further out of the illusion of separation. I hope it will be thought provoking and uplifting.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have done sweat lodges and attended different workshops and retreats related to spiritual growth and energy healing. I have done Hatha Yoga. I have attended a Unity Church back in the day. I like to use oracle cards. I use crystals. I have done chakra work and shadow work. I have done a lot of inner child healing. I listen to a lot of spiritual teachers in person and on youtube.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
10

User avatar
Ilona
Site Admin
Posts: 7937
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:57 pm
Location: Lithuania
Contact:

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby Ilona » Fri Mar 06, 2020 6:57 am

Hi Kathy,

Thank you for patience waiting for a guide. The forum is indeed busy and it takes a while to get answered.
Welcome to the forum. We can have a conversation and see where it takes you.

For this process to work, I will ask you to write from your own experience, with honesty and openness. It is best to stop reading all literature about awakening and stop watching YouTube videos for the length of our talk, as I invite you to explore your own experience and not rely on what you read or hear.

For the start I ask you this:
What are you looking for?

Write what comes up.

Love.

User avatar
kathysexton1
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:38 pm

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby kathysexton1 » Thu Mar 12, 2020 1:29 am

I want to be in the world but not feel like it is the only place I belong. I want to feel a space between the self and what happens on a day to day basis. I want to enjoy presence and peace and all the feelings that happen but not be overly attached to the goings on in the world. I want to walk lightly through the days and know that there is a bigger purpose for all that is going on on the planet and in the life I live. I want to be okay being afraid. on't always feel that connection but I want very badly to feel it deep in the bones. I want to stop feeling like a spiritual fraud and really know deep down there is a bigger purpose to life. I want to stop worrying about croaking and what is going to happen to us after we die. I want to laugh love cry and be okay with all the crap that happens. I would really like to be happy with the way things are without wanting to change things to the way I want. I will stop watching youtube while we chat...it is hard. I want to be able to be in silence and thoughts without needing to distract.

AA

User avatar
Ilona
Site Admin
Posts: 7937
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:57 pm
Location: Lithuania
Contact:

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby Ilona » Thu Mar 12, 2020 10:21 am

Thank you for sharing what you are looking for.
You don’t mention that you want to see the truth of how things are, or to see what we point to here- that there is no separate self. It sounds that you are looking for pshychological help to make life more enjoyable.

This inquiry requires you to be open to idea, that all you know about life up till now is not true and it requires willingness to investigate in your experience to find out what is what for yourself. No matter what. Even if that does not fix anything or make your life happy.

Tell me, what feelings, thoughts, sensations arise when you consider, that there really is no self at all? No manager, no controller, no experiencer?

Love.

User avatar
kathysexton1
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:38 pm

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby kathysexton1 » Sat Mar 21, 2020 10:28 pm

Don't want psychological help...I obviously lost the essence of the liberation unleashed approach in the response I provided and that really triggered feelings of annoyance. However I can see where you would have thought I was looking for solace because that is how it read and that is also part of the growth I seek. But I want to learn the truth of this body I inhabit and another way of self-inquiry that I obviously don't know now. I feel very inspried to understand further what this is about and learn a different way of self-inquiry. I have been watching the videos on the site and they resonate with what I would like learn and are not in any way strange. I already relate to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle and Adyashanti and others. Looking for another way to explore the truth of who we are.

Kathy

User avatar
kathysexton1
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:38 pm

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby kathysexton1 » Sat Mar 21, 2020 10:52 pm

To answer your question. When I think of no self...I experience both ecstasy and fear. When I drop to a deeper level of consciousness I feel the ecstasy of no separation with everything. One part of it is positive and I can get on board quickly...and then the other part freaks out and wonders if there is no self what do exist of? Consciousness...a soul...star dust I appear to have a physical body and consciousness. I thought consciousness was playing through us as experience to evolve. I can understand experience as an illusion on a certain level...in that all this outer stuff can change in a second and it all could be a projection...but if experience is an illusion what is the reason for this journey to earth.

Kathy

User avatar
Ilona
Site Admin
Posts: 7937
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:57 pm
Location: Lithuania
Contact:

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby Ilona » Sun Mar 22, 2020 6:39 am

Dear Kathy,
Thank you for answering with honesty.

So on one side there is deeper relaxation and on the other side there is fear. Let’s meet the fear. What is this fear protecting? What can be lost? What is that needs that protection?

Let’s establish a definition of real for the sake of this conversation. What in your own words is real? What is unreal?

Write soon!

Love.

User avatar
kathysexton1
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:38 pm

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby kathysexton1 » Sat Apr 04, 2020 5:58 am

Real used to be everything I sensed experienced or I could believe. Everything is starting to feel like a charade and illusion that we have all created through projection. The closest I get to "real" is when I have a deep experience where I lose touch with physical reality during spiritual practice. Also nature appears real. So real would be everything that is not associated with the ego.

Unreal used to be anything I could not believe or had not experienced. What is unreal is everything associated with ego and the conditioning that was planted by parents culture society religion etc.

Fear is that part that is still connected to a self called Kathy. In that case I feel fear when I think what it would be like to die that could be painful and tragic. In this self identity I have a fear of being alone after I die in a black void of nothingness. I fear losing all the things and people that provide a sense of joy security and pleasure. I fear the next incarnation.

Thank you
Kathy

User avatar
Ilona
Site Admin
Posts: 7937
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:57 pm
Location: Lithuania
Contact:

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby Ilona » Sun Apr 05, 2020 11:14 am

Dear Kathy.
I recorded this meditation on meeting fear. https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE It may be helpful.

If you take real to be that which is not changing, the sense of being, beingness. Everything is free to come and go, to pass through. The real is not passing and not going, it’s always here. You can rest in that as that.

Is Kathy something that comes and goes or is it always here?
Is ego something that is ever present?

Do you need to be something or someone in order to o be?

Explore this.
Love.

User avatar
kathysexton1
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:38 pm

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby kathysexton1 » Sun Apr 12, 2020 6:37 pm

The real part of the self is only the awareness I have of this physical body called Kathy with all her history...the awareness that knows and watches Kathy thinking and feeling and acting. That can feel liberating but then if the ego has its way I start feeling afraid and isolated. The ego can be quieted when I engage in spiritual practice...it is not always engaged but it engages by default when I go unconscious.

I listened to the link on fear...I will listen again. The ego is the part that keeps this fear going...fear of death etc. How do I respond to the world if I agree I don't really have a self/identity. How do I enjoy being on the planet if there is no "I"....who is enjoying the experiences that are occuring. How do I relate to the self in this body if there is no self.

User avatar
Ilona
Site Admin
Posts: 7937
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:57 pm
Location: Lithuania
Contact:

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby Ilona » Mon Apr 13, 2020 6:00 am

I hear you. From your point of view this sounds impossible.
But let’s look at ego. What is that? Is that an entity that lives inside the body and commands it? Is that something you have or it has you?
What if there is no ego the way you think there is. It’s a concept. There are patterns of behaviour and thinking. There is conditioning. There are programs running. There are likes dislikes, talents, gifts, selfish behaviours, unselfish behaviours, there are characteristics that can be observed. What if we replace word ego with word character? Even dog or cat has a unique character. It’s an umbrella word for all the traits and behaviours. See, there is no ego, that is actively doing anything. Selfish behaviour is one of conditioned patterns. Now it seems that ego does this or that, but then a concept is mistaken to be a real entity.

There is no ego to get rid of. There are patterns that are flexible and they don’t belong to ego, like you t shirt does not belong to it’s label.

It seems that there is I to have an identity. But look closer, there is sense of being, right? It’s here underneath all thoughts. It’s sense of presence, aliveness, beingness. Do you need to be someone in order to be? Do you need to stick a label on that sense of beingness? There can be joy, there can be sorrow, all of it. Experiencing life is going on. Life happening is going on.

This has nothing to do with quieting ego.... the mind keeps talking, thoughts keep coming and going. Thoughts about me, I, Kathy are coming and going..

What is here underneath all thoughts?

Love.

User avatar
kathysexton1
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:38 pm

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby kathysexton1 » Wed Apr 29, 2020 3:46 am

That was helpful explaining the ego as a concept and to label it as character or characteristics. Underneath the thoughts I feel spaciousness peace and once in a while a cavernous hole like a void but it is connected to a source I can't see. There is a surge of energy under the thoughts. Popping and snapping. I can sense the observer of this body I call Kathy. I can't see it....but I feel it is there. How does one continue on a path of detaching and expanding the beingness. How do you enjoy being in a body and all the experiences it offers and not be attached to its' end. How do you let go caring if the body is alive or dead.

User avatar
Ilona
Site Admin
Posts: 7937
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 1:57 pm
Location: Lithuania
Contact:

Re: Ascending Aquarian

Postby Ilona » Wed Apr 29, 2020 5:56 am

I can see the observer :) is there I that is observing an observer? How many observers are there?

There is being aware. Knowing of being aware. Same event different words.
Is Kathy aware? Or Kathy is content of awareness, a thought?

How do you enjoy being in the body? Let’s see, are you in the body? Or body is a label on all the sensations that are happening? Are you inside sensations?
Sensations are called by names and function. This is hand, this is foot, this is face. Feel the sensations. Which sensation is body? Or body is an umbrella word for all these sensations?

Is life happening to the body? Is body feeling sensations?

Are you inside the body? And are you a sensation?
Being aware and sensations are one and the same...

Explore this and write what you notice!
Love.


Return to “THE GATE”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest