looking for the i 1

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Sat Mar 07, 2020 6:52 pm

In my experience the ego is the feeling of having to behave or be a certain way or standard. That I'm in charge of my decisions and responsible for the outcomes.
Over the years I've built up an image in my mind of what type of person I am, likes and dislikes.
Thinking that things should be a certain way linked with my beliefs is a helpful comment.

Ego is also to do with competitiveness and comparisons with others and in the way I perceive others . Imagining what
impression I make.

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Ilona
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Sun Mar 08, 2020 6:56 am

In short, ego is an image.
Can an image decide what it needs to do?
Does image of ego make things happen?
Are you the owner of the image or is image here, given anytime you reach for it?

If word ego is replaced with word character, as in behavioural tendencies, is that ego still something to get rid of?
Is ego an entity inside of you commanding what things need to be like?

Where is ego now?

Explore more!
Sending love.

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Sun Mar 08, 2020 10:15 am

When you say image it makes it less of a power to me. Image is a good description and if I can watch the image it arises by itself and if I can realize it as an image then it needn't be gotten rid of just lived with.

When I look for the ego I can see that is just a lot of built up memories and tendencies.
Nothing to get rid of as an image just remembering to see everything as life happening not happening to anyone.

Thank you for your guidance.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Mon Mar 09, 2020 7:02 am

Wonderful, yes, that too is included and there is nothing to get rid of.
Could you say with a big fat yes, it is clear that a separate self is an illusion? If not, what is still unclear?

Love.

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Mon Mar 09, 2020 5:06 pm

Yes when I think about it I can see that it is an illusion as a separate self.

The only difficulty is keeping it in mind and not letting events overtake me to make me think that there is a separate me.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Wed Mar 11, 2020 6:24 am

Right, then I can say, that you come to conclusion by thinking, not by seeing that in actuality.
Intelectual understanding has its place, for sure. And that’s good. But seeing the obviousness of no self does not require remembering that there is no self. It’s obvious.
Let’s take santa example. If you believed in Santa, do you remember how you found out that it wasn’t real? And could you ever confuse a man dressed in Santa with a magical Santa that lives in North Pole? Could you ever start believing in this tale again? Even if everyone around you believes Santa, you know, it’s a made up story and you don’t need to remember that it’s a story, it’s clear.

So what is missing? When events get busy and there is lots of mental activity, does that mean that a separate self come in to work? Like when all is quiet and good, there is no separate self, but as soon as mind starts fighting what is the self comes back?
Perhaps what you call a self is a sense of resistance, fighting life?
Can you look closer and tell me, what it is and how the separate self comes and goes? And what is this self separate from? Where is the line between self and not self?

Take a look, and see, what is that self? Is there someone separate from the whole?

Love.

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Wed Mar 11, 2020 9:11 pm

Yes I seem to think the self back again . Perhaps I can see getting busy and confusion as just that nothing more.
I don't seem to be able to understand it as I do the Santa example. That seemed to happen when it was ready to happen.
Yes I have a resistance to life when I think it's going against what I would like. There is a struggle until I can remember
that there is no way for things to be other than the way they are.

Perhaps its all the same thing , the thought , the feeling the like or dislike. All one movement that isn't to do with a self
at all but only life . Then there is no need to look for anything separate as it's all one thing.

Thanks again for your guidance.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Thu Mar 12, 2020 10:23 am

Is resistance something that happens or something that you do?

Explore what is not happening on automatic. What is that you are doing right now?

Keep focus.

Love.

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Thu Mar 12, 2020 4:28 pm

When something happens that I don't like then resistance happens. I don't want to accept the uncomfortable feelings

and attitude of the event.

Right now I'm thinking about various things and choosing one to focus on. When I feel I've come to an end of one activity then I move on to another.

I've been looking at being the witness to the activities.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Fri Mar 13, 2020 7:50 am

What is the i that does not want to accept what is happening? And does that which is happening is listening to the thoughts about non acceptance? Does that which is care about your acceptance or non acceptance?

You can fight what is or you can let it be as it is. Which one brings more peace?
You can resist or allow, what is that changes as a result?

How does it work, so far to fight what already is?

Is that I that does not want to accept here when everything seems going smooth? Or does it come only in situations when there is something unwanted?

How do you see that?

Love.

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Fri Mar 13, 2020 6:30 pm

The I seIf seems to be the image I have of myself with the likes and dislikes.

I suppose that what is doesn't care about my accepting situations or not as they will occur anyway.

Not fighting brings more peace but I feel that I should do something to perhaps help to bring about a more

acceptable situation.

If I allow things to happen and not feel that I should fight or change them then more peace would be there.

The ego feels that I should do something and help to stop something worse happening.

I am more aware when something I don't like is happening than when something I do like is happening.

I think that I feel it's more natural and in line with my desires to have happiness.

Thanks for your guidance.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Sat Mar 14, 2020 6:49 am

Thank you for reply.
Not fighting brings more peace but I feel that I should do something to perhaps help to bring about a more

acceptable situation.
Yes, there is something you can do, is to agree with what is happening. So be it. It’s already here. Fight or not fight, it’s here. Peace is always here, only fighting comes in and obscures it. Peace is here when all that is happening is allowed innerly.

See, what comes up, comes up to be seen. And it will continue to come up until it’s seen. Why not to meet that with openness and wonder. And these negative feelings come to be felt and deliver a message, a learning. Fighting that does not let you see the truth of situation. Only allowing all to be as it is can feel peaceful, or neutral, calm.

Here is a question- what is not allowed? What feelings, thoughts situations are not allowed? Can they be allowed? Can you say, so be it?

Share what you find.
Love

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:09 pm

Yes I see that allowing things to be as they are is definitely worth trying and seeing how much better that can be.
I'm starting to remember in daily life that I can recognize uncomfortable feelings and see it as a happening.

That I can begin to look at life and not take things personally if I don't happen to agree with them .

To be open with wonder and being open is a good example.

The situations that have come up lately that I am struggling with are problems with work and being falsely accused

of events. The feelings that it is unfair treatment and seeing others behavior as unacceptable and how to manage it.

Feeling these feelings and reacting to put the wrong right or to leave it and trust that in the future the events and

karma will sort things out. At the moment I have not reacted and trusted and hope that is the right path. When I have

argued and tried to fix things in that way it hasn't gone well.

Thanks for your guidance.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Tue Mar 17, 2020 7:56 am

Thank you for reply.
Let’s see, where are you now, is there I that reacts? Or I comes up with the story about reacting?
Is there I that is being treated unfair?
Or it arises within a story about resisting the treatment?

Can you see that reacting is on automatic? It is here as there is some hurt, some wound that is being touched. Otherwise, there would be no reaction. Can you see how people that touch the wound are helping you to see it? So reactivity can be used as helping hand in finding places that still need healing, attention and love.

It is happening anyway, so just see it, see what it reveals about you.

Write what you notice.
Love

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Tue Mar 17, 2020 1:17 pm

Lately I have been having a different feeling and perspective about the me. Now I seem to be able to feel the difference and remind myself that my reactions are not me but an automatic feeling . They do make me pay attention to the uncomfortable
feelings that need looking at.
If I can remember that there is no I and that these attitudes and feelings are just life , then I won't feel bothered about them.

Thank you for helping me and seeing that it is all just life happening I won't take it as a personal I that needs fixing.


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