looking for the i 1

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Ilona
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Fri Feb 28, 2020 6:09 am

Can you look and tell me, does taking credit something automatic or is this what you need to do?
How does taking credit happen, step by step?
What is that claims ownership of guilt?
When voice in the head takes the blame to be owned, is that voice guilty or is it talking about being guilty?
Examine this close up.

Love.

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Fri Feb 28, 2020 8:06 pm

Taking credit seems to be automatic. If I initiate some act and it has what I feel is a positive result then I take credit.
A negative result may result in me trying to dodge or apologize or try to explain excuses why it wasn't successful.

The first step is an idea arises. Then thought creates or imagines a plan. Then proceeds with the plan and is either happy
disappointed or neutral following the result of the plan.

The voice in the head claims ownership and is talking about being guilty.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Sat Feb 29, 2020 7:09 am

Good work.
Now this voice in the head, is it you talking? Or is it talking to you? Are you talking or hearing it talk? Does the voice in the head own the body? Does it decide what happens? Or it is talking like a commentator about what is happening, happens or may happen?
Can you stop the talking? Try for 3 minutes.
Does the voice talk the truth?
What is that voice?

Explore closer and describe what you find.

Love.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Sun Mar 01, 2020 7:19 pm

Thank you and thanks for guiding me.

The voice in my head seems to be a monologue reporting about the sensations, thoughts and feelings that I am
experiencing. A mixture of what I feel is my voice and thoughts arising is one way I would put it. It seems to be in the body
but not really feeling like it owns the body. Sometimes it seems more like a me and others as if it is just there.

It can be like a commentator imagining things and situations that may arise and sometimes fear arises or feelings of
happiness at an imagined outcome. The voice doesn't always get things right as in choosing one action that has been
imagined as the preferable one and something else happens that is actually better.

I don't really know what the voice is as it seems it is sometimes talking about itself.
Investigating the thoughts for three minutes seemed to slow them down a bit but they also shot off on new tangents
while trying to stop them.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Mon Mar 02, 2020 7:13 am

Good work.
Let’s see, is that voice you? Or is it talking automatically?
Is it ok that it is talking?

Ask this question to the voice: what are you?

Tell me, what it says.

Love.

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Mon Mar 02, 2020 10:25 am

The voice seems to be me but is also talking automatically. Trying to turn it off it only seems to slow down. The thoughts
that are memories or plans for the future seem like me as they reference thoughts about my likes and dislikes.
There doesn't seem to be a choice about the thoughts and its' habitual so its ok that it is talking or thinking.

When I ask 'who are you'? There was a pause of quiet and a feeling of what I take or imagine to be consciousness.
A comfortable quiet.

Thanks for your guidance.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Mon Mar 02, 2020 11:45 am

thank you.
When you look with eyes and see colours and shapes, would you say, that the colours are you?
Let’s say you look at a wall and see white, is that colour white “me”?
When you hear sounds outside, do you say that the sound is me?
Can you see that colours and sounds, sensations, feelings, thoughts are showing up, effortlessly, they are given.
The thoughts are heard. They talk about a me. Does that make that me - you? Are you a thought? Or thoughts come and go effortlessly?

When you ask that question, the quiet is the answer. There is no one there.

Write what comes up.

Love.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Mon Mar 02, 2020 3:18 pm

Yes that is a good example with the colors and sounds showing up effortlessly.
The thoughts as well and I'm beginning to feel that I am not the me or the thoughts turning up.

I can see that when I pay attention to the different aspects I appreciate them more . When I am busy with other
tasks I don't take notice of what is here.

I'm beginning to feel that the quiet is more the real me and all the other things come and go.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Mon Mar 02, 2020 3:48 pm

Yes!
Good work.
The quiet.. does it need a name? Does it have an identity?
Is identifying something that comes and goes or is it always here?

Love

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Tue Mar 03, 2020 10:21 am

The quiet doesn't have a name or identity unless I give it one or call it awareness or consciousness.

Giving it an identity or name would change with my feelings or interpretation so nameless would be more true. So it would come and go with my naming although in reality it would be changeless.

I quiet feeling is stronger now although when I am not focusing it seems to be less noticeable.

Thanks again for your guidance.

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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Wed Mar 04, 2020 7:05 am

Great :)

Here is another video for you. https://youtu.be/vVfvRetanr0
Write what comes up, when you ask the question.

Love.

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Fri Mar 06, 2020 3:25 pm

Thank you for the video and I've watched it a couple of times.

I can sense or feel that there is something that is behind the I but not an individual I.

The thoughts come and go but there is no character or person.

I still get involved with the thoughts and have to remind myself that it is just a group of thoughts and feelings.

Thanks again for your guidance.

Sorry to be later in my reply .

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Ilona
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Sat Mar 07, 2020 7:46 am

When you say that you still get involved with thoughts, is that a disappointment? Should this no longer be happening? How do you see it?

Love

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james1234
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby james1234 » Sat Mar 07, 2020 8:46 am

I see what you mean by your question. Perhaps being involved in the questions and mind is natural and that only
when I try to put the my label on it all is where the error is.

If the thoughts and mind will always flow then it is the ego that claims the thoughts and actions that is where I'm going wrong.

Thank you for your guidance and it is very helpful. My practice ideas have been formulated on the 'no mind is good mind' and so thinking that I should have no thoughts is not correct.

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Ilona
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Re: looking for the i 1

Postby Ilona » Sat Mar 07, 2020 11:19 am

Aha, good to notice. There is nothing wrong with thinking. It is too life, showing up as thinking.
Any should or shouldn’t is an indication of a belief. What should life be, how it should feel, what should happen next.. all these are coming from idea that you know better. :)

Let’s look at the ego. What is ego in your experience?

Sending love.


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