Sometimes it seems like the dysfunctional patterns do serve the purpose of maintaining identity.
This is a great question! I have no answer!Aha, this might be it. What is that needs an identity?
That which needs an identity can not be identified! Ha! That's why it always needs to find some identity! Exactly because it is unidentifiable.
I do feel a kind of social pressure to have some sort of fixed identity.... But that could be my own projection... Like everybody else has an identity and I'm expected to have one too! There is also a strong inner drive to have some sort of personal identity, regardless if it is positive or negative. Where does that inner drive come from? Am I doing it or is it just happening? It is just happening, I can't stop it or control it.
Another great question! Still no answer. Not a clue!What is that has an identity and needs to maintain it?
I can see that identity is not inherent in the thing. The identity "bird" is not inherent in the being we call "bird". It's not like the bird is thinking "I am a bird. I'm a red Robin in fact. I'd like to fly better, if I could fly better maybe my mother would love me".
Identity is not inherent in the thing, it is created by the mind. Identity is created through language, and associating the language with perceptions, feelings, images, sensations.
Identity is not inherent in the thing, but here I am, believing that there is an inherent "me" with all of these specific characteristics that are accurate descriptions of "me".
There can be an "I" self here with a strong identity OR with no specific identity beyond "just me, here".Are you here with and without identity?
There can also be the case where there is no particular identity as well as no I self.
Existence continues in either case. But apparently I need to be someone in order to exist "as me".Or do you need to be someone to exist?
The mind has automatic programs running in the background constantly. One of those programs is comparing what is happening to what I want to be happening. It is completely out of my control yet causes me more suffering. It's not even at the level of thoughts, it is more pre-thought and shows up as moods and attitudes.
The wanting of the present/past to be different is driven by pain/suffering and the belief that anything could be different than it already is/was. The future wanting is based on the belief that I can change the future, or at least influence what occurs. In either case it is a futile attempt to alleviate suffering. In fact it really just creates more suffering. But I can't stop it.Yes, well noticed. There are automatic programs running. One of them is the program called “I want.”
What is behind the wanting?
Wants come from the mind, which I am highly identified with apparently, since it really does seem like the wants come from "me". But really I don't get to choose what I want, the wants just show up.What is that wants?
The mind really has no control, although it believes that it does. The "I" doesn't have control either, although I want to have it.....What is that has no control?
Hmmm, in this moment there is no such thing as control or no control. Things just happen or they don't. The whole idea of control is irrelevant! There is nothing in control! Usually it's like this: if I'm not in control then that means I am being controlled by something else! But right now the whole idea of control or being controlled is meaningless!
Wanting shows up. Sometimes there is stronger identification with the wanting, sometimes less identification.See- these are also programs running. Wanting, not wanting- are you doing that or does it show up?
Wanting doesn't come from anywhere. It just shows up spontaneously. And then I am burdened with the effort to fulfill the desire. And suffer if I am unable to fulfill the desire.And where does wanting come from?
Occasionally this shows up but mostly there is a very strong wanting to be capable/powerful/fearless enough to fulfill the want. (And so often feeling the intense frustration of being incapable of fulfilling the want).Is there wanting not to want?
There is another automatic mind program running coexisting with wanting which is ensuring that the wants are not fulfilled. The "must be frustrated" program. Thinking endlessly about all the things I want to do but won't happen for one reason or another. All of the things that I wanted to have done in the past that I didn't do. And all of the things I want to be doing now but I'm not doing. And all of the things I want to do in the future that I won't do. It's like there is this program that is ensuring that I am frustrated all of the time! That is its purpose! To make sure that I am experiencing frustration! And it works very well because I am almost continuously frustrated in one way or another. As to why I have this particular program it is unclear...
Yes I understand that it is about being free IN things as they are, rather than freedom TO or freedom FROM.Btw, there is no i to get enlightened. You will not get enlightened. So instead of trying to become, look at what is real, what is here, underneath all happenings. Freedom is not from unwanted programs, but to feel and live fully as life shows up.
Yes, what is the use of fighting what is? Another great question!Fighting what is is optional. And fight ceases, when it’s seen as useless.
So we can examine, what is the use of fighting what is.
It does seem like a futile thing to be doing! But continues on and on and on. Maybe the fighting is part of the "must always be frustrated" program? Hmmm. Being frustrated is pretty effortless. It just goes on its own with no effort on my part. Although I really would prefer to not always be so frustrated with everything all the time!
Ok this post has a lot in it! I better stop now.
Thank you Ilona!