Hi Ilona
No self means to the actuality of everything being a happening, not a doing, that life is flowing freely, without you as a manager.
Resistance is flowing freely too, is it not?
Yes, resistance occurs without any effort on my part, whether I like it or not.
Are you making reactions happen or they show up?
Reactions happen but then there is usually a secondary reaction to the original reaction (example: getting mad at my self for being scared)
If you are looking for life with minimal resistance, that is entirely different question.
Realising no self does not mean resistance is off. It means seeing that resistance is too part of life And it is happening.
Yes, of course any resistance is part of life. EVERYTHING is part of life. Whether or not I am creating it, there is a very strong desire to have less resistance. Strong desire for effortlessness and being in the flow of life and less wrapped up in self concerns, self thoughts, self absorption.
It’s interesting, that what you call a me is resistance to life. Let’s simply call it resistance. It’s a pattern of fighting life. Does that fight need a me?
I don't know if fight needs a me, but they are both here now. Don't understand why life would need to fight with life in the first place ...
Is it coming from a me? Or does it bring a me within it? In other words, does the sense of self create a fight or the fight creates a sense of self?
They arise together. They are dependant on each other.
Does resisting life help?
On the surface level no, it doesn't help, but there must be a reason for it, so maybe it is helping in ways that I don't understand.
And what are you getting from resisting life? What is the payoff? (Take time with this question and find out, what is that resistance is doing for you )
There is no obvious payoff. Perhaps I get to maintain my identity. Perhaps there is avoidance of emotional pain. I don't know that there is really a payoff for anything. Is there a payoff for depression or anxiety? For PTSD? It just continues on its own. Including the sense of self who is doing all of this.
Resistance or no resistance, the self object continues. Self referencing thoughts dominate my mind. I understand that it is all life happening. Life is me and the me is doing all this stuff.
The way it shows up is not that life is doing resistance directly, it is happening through an intermediary, which is ME. I am an agent for life happening. Life is me, and then me does all this stuff (resistance, fear, thoughts, desires, and so on).
So there still seems to be a me, because life isn't doing any of this directly. Resistance is life happening indirectly, through the intermediary of ME. Is this making any sense? It's like life needs the I-me-self in order to have all this other stuff happen.
Well this is the best I can do for now. (Or should I say this is the best that is happening through me for now?)
Thank you!