Describe, or say something more about this larger process of Liam-ing, please?
It's just a way to describe this "person" I appear to be. Thoughts and feelings are constantly appearing and then there's reactions to those thoughts and feelings which just seems to lead to more. This constant process seems to be what makes the Liam. A lot of the time it's what I would usually be referring to with terms like "my personality" or simply "me". I'm not so sure now.
Historically the idea has been that thoughts and actions are something that's being done, which implies a do-er, Liam Liam-ing. It's all muddled right now though, I've probably contradicted myself at some point. I'll break it down into pieces.
1. Somethings are
"me", intentions are always seen as something I do, right now in this moment I am maintaining the intention to type, if I don't maintain said intention the typing stops.
2. Somethings come from
"me", the movement of my hands across the keyboard isn't me, the thoughts about typing aren't me, I am not controlling every movement of muscle or every thought, but the intention for it to happen is what leads to it. The barrier to this is the body, intention has no direct influence over what takes place beyond the body.
3. Somethings happen to and are experienced
by "me", this includes (1) and (2) but also feelings, physical and emotional and anything that's found in the senses.
Liam-ing is (1) and (2) That's Liam. (3) Happens to Liam, Liam reacts. More stuff happens, repeat forever.
I can't help noticing how much you insist on an absolute ontological, factual existence and reality of "your self".
I wonder if there is something more to this 'self' of yours. How far does it extend in terms of space? Where are it's borders? Is it separate from other things or people? Take a look.
It's behind the eyes. That's where I percieve everything to ber happening to, i guess that's just based on the literal "view" of everything. The world around me is a seperate space filled with other "selves" and all these selves are having to deal with all the stuff that happens to and because of these "selves". I can never know any other self, nor could they mine. All I or anyone else can do is build an idea of someone else. That idea can't touch the truth. You are nothing more than my idea of you, how could you be.
Do you feel defiant, or protective of it?
Both. I defend my position and ideas, I defend my past and my personality. I defend my feelings. If I don't then there is suffering. I don't like this state of affairs, but don't get a choice in the matter. I can choose to obey or to suffer, I'm more like a slave in this position.
Describing it like this makes me sound like I'm in two pieces. The thoughts and feelings that appear and "my" reaction to them. They both get labeled self. They both kind of are. I'm not making sense dispite trying hard to do so. It's that there's this feeling of seperateness that seems to come from experience. I am a thought or feeling up until "I" am aware of it, then it's no longer me. There's a line being drawn in front of stuff and so that "me" can be put down on "this" side. This is all just concept and ideas, I'm getting back into that sort of vague territory where I can't do anything but talk in metaphors, so I'll just stop.
i had to look up the word ontological.