Good Morning, Vivien,
What is making the choice what topic to talk about and to whom?
I don't know! It feels like "I" am thinking about the options of topics to discuss, but when I look, the ideas just arise out of nowhere. I've always associated this arising of ideas to be "me" thinking and creating them. I still experience resistance letting go of this concept, even though my experience shows that the thoughts just appear. But how do they just appear? Where do they come from? So... WHAT is making the choice about that topic to discuss? It just comes through as direct knowledge - there is no thinking, the words just flow and appear out of nowhere. Even as I type this I can see that the words are just coming and fingers are typing and "I" am really not thinking about it - it just happens. I have to resist the desire to want to understand what's happening intellectually and trust my experience.
Do you use words to make up the thoughts?
Where do you get those words from? Is there a storage place where you go in and grab the word you need?
No, thoughts just come in the form of words. I don't pick and choose the words, they just appear. The words that are needed to express the sentiment just appear. It seems like I "choose" the right word out of several that appear to be accurate with what I want to express..it appears that the words are linked to an emotion or sensation and the one that feels most accurate is "chosen" based on that. But who then would be doing the choosing? If there is no one thinking up the words and words are just appearing, then there can't be someone choosing either. So is every expression just exactly as it should be, without someone choosing or deciding? And if that's true, then the concept of making a mistake is also false. How can there be any mistakes if no one is deciding?
Do you use grammar? How do you apply grammar on those words?
Applying grammar happens automatically. The question arises: If someone didn't have an education and learn proper grammar, wouldn't different words appear for them? This may be irrelevant, but if words just appear, why don't the same words appear for everyone? Sorry... this is my analytical mind wanting answers.
And what does the thought look like when it is half formed, before you have finished creating it?
Between the words of half of a completed thought there is emptiness, space. Then more words/thoughts arise within that space.
And when you have the words, how do you decide which words to use?
It seems like words are "decided or chosen" based on an affirming feeling...that the words illicit the feeling after they appear, then a choice is made based on that. This is really hard to distinguish! It's the choosing part that has me hung up. When multiple, conflicting ideas/thoughts/choices arise and can be considered, how then is one decided upon if there is no chooser or thinker?
Looking again, perhaps I'm not deciding but the right words are just ultimately communicated without anyone choosing. I have to admit, I feel resistance around this because it feels like "I" am thinking and choosing! But even as I watch myself write these words, they just come. What is needed to get over the hump here, Vivien?!
When I look, words just come out of nowhere and are expressed. The resistance I feel comes from a belief that I am the thinker and the chooser. Even though I can see how everything spontaneously appears in and disappears into nothing, I am still identified as the doer. Please help!