Swimming circles in my own little (intellectual) pond

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Ilona
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Re: Swimming circles in my own little (intellectual) pond

Postby Ilona » Tue Feb 04, 2020 8:09 am

Thank you for seeing that.
Loss of control equal loss of security. It appears as if feeling safe comes from knowing what happens in the future and being able to manage what happens. But, that’s an illusion.
Nobody knows what happens in the future. And at the same time, nothing is random, all events, people and situations are doing what they are doing and affecting everything else. It’s one movement, not many. No one is a separate entity playing their own separate music, it’s all one music.

So let’s look at feeling safe.
Are you safe right now?
Are you feeling safe right now?

These are two questions for you to work with. During the day, many times ask these questions and see what is honest answer.

Fear and anxiety comes with thoughts about future. Is that true? Does fear come with thoughts about past or present? Examine this closer.
Where is future right now?
Are thoughts about future manage what will happen?
Are thoughts about future happen in the future or in the now?
Is thinking about problems that may happen help?

Explore this and write.

Love.

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GJG
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Re: Swimming circles in my own little (intellectual) pond

Postby GJG » Mon Feb 17, 2020 2:41 pm

I notice I'm in a kind of survival mode which is mostly subconcious and unnoticed. Ever since I was a kid I (in the era of East-West nuclear tension) I've in a way been preparing for some sort of a dissaster to happen. There's an underlaying feeling of not being safe, tensions inside the body, uncomforatble feelings and thought patterns around safety on what might happen. When I ask myself the questions about 'being safe' and 'feeling safe' I notice a difference between them. When I really look deep, I am basically safe and everything is allright. It creates a sort of safe space. Thoughts and not feeling safe go hand in hand. Thoughts of the future may hold some sort of fear, thoughts of the past may carry some pain (love hurts, things I should have done, things almost ending badly, etc.). Whatever the thoughts are they are now occuring but seem to have the power determining my life and how I now feel and determine me. Thinking about (future) problems does clearly not promote feelings of safety but does give me the idea I will be safe in the future which is funny because so far it never happend apparently. Your part around: "It's all one movement" has a profound effect on me, thanks!
Love, GJG

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Ilona
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Re: Swimming circles in my own little (intellectual) pond

Postby Ilona » Tue Feb 18, 2020 9:51 am

Thank you for sharing. Isn’t that interesting, that feeling safe is available here now, and yet thoughts try to look for it in the images of the future.

Here is an exercise. Go out in the nature and spend some time there observing what is going on. Notice, that everything moves and wiggles. Clouds, trees, birds, grass, insects, everything is in motion. Observe the movement of totality. Is there a doer that makes everything move?

Are your thoughts, sensation, emotions part of that movement?
Is there a separate self in a tree, that is in control of moving branches?
Is life happening to a tree or as a tree? To the cloud or as the cloud? To this body or as this body? To sensations or as sensation?

Is there a gap between you and aliveness?

Explore this and write what you notice.

Love.

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Re: Swimming circles in my own little (intellectual) pond

Postby GJG » Sun Mar 22, 2020 10:48 am

Something relaxes and there's just seeing, looking, some glimpses for now. It took a while but I can see now my exploration was still mainly mind based. It's difficult to step out of that. Instead of directly seeing for myself (being curious about what's really happening) without following and focusing on the voice repeating your questions like: "is there a gap between you and aliveness". Looking at something moving in nature evokes the responses like: "it's the wind doing that". There's a deep belief/feeling telling me I'm limited. It seems to be engraved inside my being though experience now show the opposite is true. I have the feeling there's some turning point where this conviction is melted away by truly seeing. But that has not happened yet. Your suggestions about nature are really helpful. Especially in the current time where my mind/body seems to turn to survival mode. Trying to be prepared for what is coming. In nature there's no such a thing, no virus, no turbulence, no fear. I've read in the LU App in the part on Looking: "There may be a sense that there's an observer ... you can't shake it ...". That's exactly how I sense it. The sens of an observer, a me, becomes stronger when there's a focus on thoughts, especially fearful ones. I'm really happy I found this forum and you listening and asking questions, thanks a lot!
Love,
GJ

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Ilona
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Re: Swimming circles in my own little (intellectual) pond

Postby Ilona » Sun Mar 22, 2020 11:41 am

Thank you very much.
Let’s look at the sense of observer.
Is it a sense of observer or a sense of observing? Is there an observer outside of the observed looking at that? Or it’s something that is experienced, seen, heard, sensed, felt, perceived?

There is an assumption that there is a subject doing action. That there is a witness doing witnessing. That there is a breather, doing breathing, seer, doing seeing etc.. what is true in direct experience? By direct experience I mean that which is happening right now.

Is there a seer in the seen? Hearer in the heard? Or just seen, heard, experienced, observed? Is there I doing reading? Or can it be said, that reading is happening effortlessly. Is reading something you do or something happening?

Observing is happening. Sure. But is there I doing that? And would it need to feel any different than it already feels?

Love.

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Re: Swimming circles in my own little (intellectual) pond

Postby GJG » Mon Jun 22, 2020 6:10 pm

Since your last reply a lot has happened that somehow has a strong effect on the non-existing me. I find it hard these days to look without looker. This is clearly a sign the believe in a me is still prevalent. I practice sitting in silence each day, reading your replies and inspiring texts from the 'Look' book and contemplating on them. The current situation of lies and deceipt (which seems to be everywhere) however has a strong effect on me. There are strong feelings of being powerless in a world of negative forces .'Me' is clearly triggered by unjust and manipulation. Consequence are feelings of being small and vulnerable. In looking at this going on I seem to have a deep motive to get rid of these feelings because of not wanting them. I know of course its not about 'getting rid of' but it's a struggle. It also triggers strong feelings of wanting to do something about it all, I'm trapped in feelings of becoming an activist, to become a justice warrior. At the same time I know this is pointless as these responses are all mind born and keep me locked into the story.
The last sentence you wrote in your last reply is very insightful to me: "Observing is happening. Sure. But is there I doing that? And would it need to feel any different than it already feels?". Especially the bold part, there's still a deep conviction something should change, it should be different from how it is now. I guess this is the part I'm already stuck with for years.

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Re: Swimming circles in my own little (intellectual) pond

Postby Ilona » Tue Jun 23, 2020 8:27 am

Wow, yes, it’s been two months! Thanks for coming back here. I know, this forum has limitations and all we can do is exchange a couple of lines of words. But this is all we have for now and that’s the only way I can support you on your exploration.
Let’s look at your idea, that this should be different.
How?
What is incomplete right now?
What precisely is that needs to change?
Is it possible, that the very idea, that this should be different somehow obstructs seeing this as it is and allowing this to be as it is. And can it be other than what it already is?

So what do you get from thinking that something needs to be different? What is that know that this should be different?

What if this does not need to be different? Is it ok?


Looking for this to fit into mind’s idea of what this should be like is resistance, can you see that?

Explore and write sooner :) I’m here.
Love.

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GJG
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Re: Swimming circles in my own little (intellectual) pond

Postby GJG » Wed Jun 24, 2020 11:03 am

I'm happy to know you are there/here! I've got the tendency to sort it out by myself and notch it up a bit if there's no apparent results. Hence the subject title (Swimming in circles...). Your questions are again great and precisely what I need now, so thanks!
Just as an illustration of what happens and what keeps me stuck is the following scenario. There's something I do not agree with and which causes a strong emotional response. Right now it's the forced vaccinations plans of my government which I totally oppose. Thoughts are coming like: no-one is going to tell me what to do or can force me to do anything, I want to be free! I get rebellious and in a fighting mode. I can see this is a battle of thoughts against thoughts happening (in the) now. So coming to the part of 'should something be different'. The obvious answer is the idea there will be no forced vaccinations in this case. That would easy the mental/emotional response. I assume what you are talking about is even this is happening and just the way it is and therefore does not need to be different. What I experience thought is there's a lot of 'me' generated while this mental/emotional process is going on.
Love,
GJG

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Ilona
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Re: Swimming circles in my own little (intellectual) pond

Postby Ilona » Sun Jun 28, 2020 6:18 am

Thank you for writing.
Let’s explore more :)
Ok, there is an idea that I am not letting anyone to touch my body with a needle. Ok. That’s good to know. There is sense of rebelliousness and not wanting to be forced to do anything you don’t approve. That’s good to know. And let’s agree with this. Yes, that’s right. That’s how you feel.

There is also knowing, that the world is not dancing by my own tune, that it is doing its own thing, regardless of what I think of it. What this gives is an opportunity to look at own reactions to the world. How you feel inside, when these events are happening. That’s feeling, energy is the point of investigation. And with enough attention and respect given, what is ready to drop self releases.

The exit from the mind amusement park is through focused attention on feeling and what that energy wants.

But more importantly, is all this happening something you do, something you make happen or is it self happening? What is not on automatic?

Love.


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