out of fear into the unknown

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HanumanMark
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby HanumanMark » Tue Jan 21, 2020 10:16 pm

Hi Ilona,

Thanks for your patience.
And there is sense of being, being aware, being here now.. besides all the passing by experiences.

Is sense of being, beingness, isness, something that comes and goes, or it is always here?

Do you need to do anything in order to be?
Yes I feel what you describe ... the sense of being, sense of awareness, out of time-ness ...

The isness is always here, nothing is needed, it's unchanging and always as peaceful.

The experiences are stressful but I can feel the isness, and an awareness of this, the fear and the unknown are here too ... but they don't stop the isness.

Love

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Ilona
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby Ilona » Thu Jan 23, 2020 8:08 am

Right!
Is anything incomplete?
Is there anything that should be different?

Love.

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HanumanMark
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby HanumanMark » Thu Jan 23, 2020 11:24 am

Hi Ilona,
Is anything incomplete?
Is there anything that should be different?
the experience is exactly that ... an experience, the qualities of my experiences are part of the flow of the existence I'm having ... they are full and complete by themselves. When I just look at the flow everything is fine, nothing to change because that's what's already there.

Thoughts sometimes have power over the acceptance that's there, and bring me suffering though ... but work is in progress.

Love

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Ilona
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby Ilona » Fri Jan 24, 2020 8:43 am

How is the searching energy, still strong or is it somehow diminished?
Is it clear what the illusion of the separate self is?
Can you describe it in your own words as you see it.

Love.

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HanumanMark
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby HanumanMark » Mon Jan 27, 2020 1:11 am

Hi Ilona,

Thank you for your reply.
How is the searching energy, still strong or is it somehow diminished?
Is it clear what the illusion of the separate self is?
Can you describe it in your own words as you see it.
Sometimes I still appreciate hearing a few minutes of a non duel teacher, it's makes me feel more connected, but I don't listen like I used to, to find answers to my questions.

I used to believe there was some entity which somehow contained the characteristics (of my personality) that for as long as I remember I have thought of as I. It's clear to me now that what maintains the idea of an I-entity is thoughts. When I search for an I now, I come up with the sensation of being, and not personal characteristics. The personality still exists in the thoughts that arise, but giving less attention to the thoughts means that I don't feel defined any more by these thoughts. The moment to moment experience is lived as an experience rather than following the story in thought that is relating the experience about the participant and what he's doing. The separate self I believed in before was made up from an imagined subject - object - action concept, which is not my experience ... my experience is direct sensations.

Love

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Ilona
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby Ilona » Tue Jan 28, 2020 7:43 am

Wonderful!
Can you describe, what is the biggest change in normal everyday life, since we started this conversation?
What hasn’t changed?

Love.

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HanumanMark
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby HanumanMark » Sat Feb 01, 2020 11:47 pm

Hi Ilona,

Can you describe, what is the biggest change in normal everyday life, since we started this conversation?
What hasn’t changed?
When we started this conversation thinking was overactive and with the thoughts there was an anxiety about my future.
Now the thinking and the anxiety hasn't gone away at all times ... but the fear has been met and the thoughts are left to come and go. What has changed the most is that a relaxing into what is has emerged, and even though anxiety can be felt in front of what is unknown, there is the awareness of the movement and the change that is happening.

The is-ness is at the center of what is experienced, and life evolves from there. There seem to be more possibilities for the direction that life can take, because there is more openness.
Outside life conditions have't changed that much ... except in appearance more dynamic and more potential.
No blissing out yet (LOL)

Love

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Ilona
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby Ilona » Mon Feb 03, 2020 11:33 am

No blissing out? Eh... :)

What’s missing? Is there anything incomplete?
Is anything in the way of feeling joy?

If so, what precisely?

Love.

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HanumanMark
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby HanumanMark » Fri Feb 07, 2020 7:52 am

Hi Ilona,

thanks for your reply and being my guide through this.
No blissing out? Eh... :)

What’s missing? Is there anything incomplete?
Is anything in the way of feeling joy?

If so, what precisely?
The content of my experience is unstable and a source of anxiety, the fear is more or less strong, I meet it and welcome it.
Thinking tells me that it's Mark's unfinished business (personality issues) coming into consciousness to be healed/let go.

Part of the anxiety is feeling safe, some of the fear may be due to personality issues and the rest is transitioning to experience, and letting go the I.

Nothing is missing in experience, it's full, but life circumstances give thinking lots of occasions to disturb my base. There is a slight feeling of joy far in the background, that Mark is in movement.

Love

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Ilona
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby Ilona » Fri Feb 07, 2020 8:12 am

I invite you to investigate, what is that can let go or hold on to I?
Looking at Santa example, when kid realises that Santa never existed as a real entity, as fiction, does the kid need to let go of Santa? Can Santa come back? Can belief in Santa come back? Does he need to keep working in seeing that Santa is fiction? Next Christmas come, and gifts are under the tree, does this kid need to do work to remind himself that Santa is fiction?

Apply this to the belief in a separate entity, I, mark.
Can you believe that there is a separate from life entity in charge of what is happening?
If so, what is here informing about the entity?
What if it is truly fiction? Just like Santa?

Explore this and tell me what you notice.

Love.

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HanumanMark
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby HanumanMark » Fri Feb 07, 2020 9:11 pm

Thanks Ilona,
Investigating ...will get back to you.

Love and gratitude,

Mark

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Ilona
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby Ilona » Mon Feb 10, 2020 8:07 am

Hi Mark, checking in with you. How is it going?

Love

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HanumanMark
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby HanumanMark » Tue Feb 11, 2020 12:09 pm

Hi Ilona,

Thank you for your message.

I invite you to investigate, what is that can let go or hold on to I?
Looking at Santa example, when kid realises that Santa never existed as a real entity, as fiction, does the kid need to let go of Santa? ... does this kid need to do work to remind himself that Santa is fiction?

Apply this to the belief in a separate entity, I, mark.
Investigating this more relaxation has come. OK there is no separate entity mark and he isn't really in control .... and while there is still some relapse and identifying with a separate entity going on at times, is this presence ready to moved on and let life take it where it should go ? Where's the volition ?

What I notice is that when I ask myself for answers there is no reply... and being with the isness (less thinking) is easier for this bodymind in some situations and less in others.

Santa doesn't exist but my world still seems to turn around him for the moment.

Love

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Ilona
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby Ilona » Thu Feb 13, 2020 7:50 am

Keep looking, is everything unfolding or are you making life happen?
Is life not happening where it should go already? Is it possible to stop life going where it’s going? To check this, notice actual experience, sounds, colours, sensations, emotion. Are you the manager of all of that or it’s here regardless your letting it be or not?

Identifying can be a habit.
What do you get from identifying with separate self?

Love.

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HanumanMark
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Re: out of fear into the unknown

Postby HanumanMark » Mon Feb 17, 2020 10:00 pm

Hello Ilona,

Thank you for your pointers.

I took a little time to reply because it was my son's birthday and school holidays.
Keep looking, is everything unfolding or are you making life happen?
.... To check this, notice actual experience, sounds, colours, sensations, emotion. Are you the manager of all of that or it’s here regardless your letting it be or not?
Sounds, colours, sensations and emotions are always here, I can't stop them, and for sure I don't manage what comes up moment to moment. The experience is one of unfolding ... and yet when identifying as the doer and a separate entity there's a feeling of spending the time / using up the life's energy, of that separate entity ... and that feels like an accomplissement.

In addition to that, identifying with a separate self gives me a fake feeling of power over what happens ... as if I could control it all.


Love


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