thank you for your relpy and pointers. It has been busy this last week ... would have liked to reply earlier.
Is it a feeling of doership or idea of doership?
The doership is based in thought, and the thoughts generate feelings ... of anticipation, tension, pleasure, relief etc.
If you look at a big cloud and it starts raining, is there a doer of rain? What made the cloud start raining?
Most of the time, my thoughts of doership are to do with a feeling of separation, that nothing will happen if the energy that is Mark, releases and subject-object become one.
Your example reminds me of non separation, looking at the cloud because the cloud is ready to rain. There is no doer of rain, but the looking and the raining are the same mouvement.
The perspective that comes up for me, is that maybe in the one mouvement it's ok that Mark is contracted and the mouvement of life in which he is contact happens as it just does. Mark is a fictional character anyway.
Merry Christmas Ilona !
Love and gratitude