Thank you for the clarification of active looking. It was very helpful. I’ve spent the the last two hours looking for the self and the other questions. It seems to permeate the head, like a cloud, but there is a focus around the forehead. I haven’t found the exact spot yet.
You are not the sensations, all right.
But what are you then?
I’m not sure. I’m coming back to the awareness that percieves sensations.
V: Understanding it intellectually seems to be important to someone. But to whom/what?
A: Once again, me me me. And once again nothing but sensations when looked for.
Can you REALLY see this?
i can see it and understand it at the time, but I don’t think I really see/get it.
Has this really sunk in? That there is only a sensation, but not a me?
Not yet, no.
Can a sensation want to understand things intellectually?
If not, WHAT is it that wants it?
The sensations are just sensations, so no. So it’s the self in some form.
WHERE is the wanter itself?
In the head and stomach. The stomach wants and the stomach is afraid. It’s not afraid of anything in particular. It says “just afraid”. The was an image of something suddenly springing up, and another of a dark figure leaning over my shoulder. It seemed defensive.
V: Is there a resistance to look for the self?
A: Absolutely, in the stomach From the feel of it. I’ve been avoiding looking there it appears. So I’ll focus there now. me?
Please tell me about this resistance. Not about the sensations, but about the fearful story that comes with it.
My self has been very good about distracting me into doing other things than focus on itself these past few days. It’s been an extra effort to make time to really look. There’s not so much of a story that I can tell. Just fear.
What would happen if it were seen that there is no self, no thinker, no chooser, no decider, no manager, nothing in charge and life just flowing freely as one movement?
“Nothing would happen.” Is the thought that first came. My self is very important it seems to believe or wants someone to believe.
I’ll keep looking for the exact spot. It seems to be the head, but sometimes the chest, and sometimes the stomach light up, so maybe it’s hiding in several places.