Thank you as always. For some reason, I'm feeling more driven at the moment, so I hope that helps.
A: No, just whenever the question was asked, the voice couldn't be heard. There was just silence/space.
V: And what or who is hearing the voice?
Just awareness. Which appears mainly centered in my head.
No. He immediately said "yes", which is his nature to offer commentary on everything. But he's really just talking to himself.
But WHO is talking to himself?
I am. The mind. There has been an idea popping up the last few days around not being able to see digestion, but seeing the results. So why should the mind be any different? Why would I be able to perceive the "I/self" or the absence of the "I/self" if I can't perceive digestion?
Please tell me in detail, what do you do exactly when you look? How do you look?
I read a question. If I'm home and not busy, I close my eyes and see if the mind throws up anything. For example, "What or who is hearing the voice?" It might say, "I am" or nothing. If it says, "I am" I'll ask, "so where is 'I'?" then I'll look at whatever sensation immediately presents itself. Recognize that it's just a sensation and let it go, then move to the next one (if there is one), then start at the toes and move up through the body looking for "I" until I get back to the head. There's nothing tangible except feelings. But as I mentioned above I can't see the stomach digesting, so some part is questioning why I would be able to see the mind "selfing".
If I'm out of home and moving (generally cycling), I'll ask the question and ponder it in relation to what's happening as I move to where I'm going. When I'm working I'm generally only focused on that.
And how often do you look in a day?
Whenever I'm not working or distracting myself - I've just realized the past few days that I distract myself a lot. I used to read or watch videos sometimes on YouTube about "seeking" before starting this inquiry. But I don't do that anymore, so I tend to distract myself with my hobby instead, which is music and endlessly distracting.
And how many times in a day?
Always in the morning, and in the evening before sleep. Because I teach, usually 6-7 or more hours a day, I don't have time while working to actively look. Throughout the day, of my own volition maybe 5 times. When using a 10-minute timer (which I haven't done for a while) maybe 20-30 times.
Has there anything changed since restarting out conversation?
Definitely, though subtle. I'm not in the same space I was when I stopped last time (there was more clarity and space then). There is less clarity now. But, for example, the other day some students knocked over a cup of tea in class, and while in the past this may have caused agitation, there wasn't any. While cycling I crossed a street without seeing a taxi that would have hit me if I'd been a few seconds slower, there was also a strange lack of reaction - which is unusual. Generally, I feel quite relaxed with what is happening - less reactive. Things that used to always irritate in the past, generally don't. When teaching, students who are being noisy or distracting don't bother "me", so I can respond to the situation from a "calm" space. It "feels/seems" like there is less "me" to offend/upset. But there is still a sense of a separate self.
What happens in your everyday life when you don’t look?
Work happens most days, family, hobby, sometimes seeing friends. Like I said, I distract myself a lot with my hobby. But there has been a shift the last few days to put it aside and focus.
Thank you as always for your guidance. If there is some way to kick me through the gate, or a cliff to jump off, I'm ready to do that.