An unleashed experience - ready to take it in !

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Kadou
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Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:28 am

An unleashed experience - ready to take it in !

Postby Kadou » Tue Apr 03, 2012 12:59 am

Hello !

My name is Johanne, I live in Quebec /Canada. Speak French but can go with English also. Don't know much about realization, liberation but what I read / heard on CDs lately from a Master. I read tons of books on popular-psychology over many years, yet was stuck with the same symptoms (getting worse in fact), running away the fatest I could from the feelings until last fall where I "surrender" to them after a way too long marathon that I couldn't win anyway.

Still confuse about what's going on here (liberation, not bliss or no "Self" as Oneness (not the EGO I) ) but I'm here to explore and discover WHO I AM, finally ! Never followed a Master / GURU or else (even the one I have been listening in the past months, is not like a Yogi / Swami... more realistic, down to earth guy - who found HIMSELF by doing what you seem to do). Not a religious person but believe in GOD, in LOVE.

I feel this URGE to know Who I am, desperately since last fall, but more since January. Last fall has been a weird one. My heart rate was going so fast, for 3 months, that many were asking me to go to the hospital, to get medications, etc. I didn't . I saw few energy healers, acupuncturist, I walked and.. I SAT for the very first time I SAT as meditation with my hands on my heart, quieting it the best I could. Apparently it was a Spiritual SHIFT - well don't know what it was but I know that many things are not in me anymore (habits, behaviors, etc.) and this willing to find WHO I AM came right after, when I met Lester (Master) . I have let go many things that I'm not even aware of... But just by being here and open to find out what's in there, is showing me I'm ready to take it in.

Hoping that I will get what you are asking me, without any harsh moments (from you all, being bored by my quest).

Don't despair. I'll do what I can, I promise.

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GrahamB
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Joined: Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:04 pm

Re: An unleashed experience - ready to take it in !

Postby GrahamB » Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:01 am

Hi Johanne,

Welcome to the LU forum. I am willing to converse with you.

You say that you want to find out who you are. What makes you think that you are anything? Thought? And if you do not think about yourself, are you, Johanne there?

You may think these questions quite strange, but they are serious, and an attempt at answering them would be appreciated.

With best wishes,
Graham

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Kadou
Posts: 30
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:28 am

Re: An unleashed experience - ready to take it in !

Postby Kadou » Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:46 am

Hello Graham,

Thank you for "taking the experience" with me :) I see that you are a new member here too, so you discover who you are lately?

What I mean by who I am, is more - what's going on with what in there. (body, mind, ego, etc.)
I know because I've read few posts that (here) there is no I / Self. I will try to remember that in my thinking for sure.

ALL NEW to me so sorry in advance for your repetitive answers - if ever . :)

...
Sure I do think Johanne exists. Well, I did at least. Now, not sure anymore about anything. Was thinking last fall to do a big clean-up in that mind, to let go beliefs that I don't even know existance but are blocking my "view" of discovering Oneness. (Can I say Oneness ? is it still an I for you? )

After reading some posts since yesterday night, I've been looking at my actions - walking, eating, looking at something - and questionning who was doing it. VERY new to me, again. It's strange indeed to look that way when you never did before.

I saw few days ago, the mind building up a story on its own, I was not even trying to build it (meaning me (I know in few days, weeks I won't say me anymore :) but for now... :)) ) I was the witness of the building story and I said Hmm interesting, no effort, the mind is doing it by itself even if I say NO, don't do that, don't go there - it goes and build up. It brings back thoughts - that I didn't ask for. It was interesting that for hours, leaving few breaks, the mind was bringing back on and on the same kind of story that it wanted to build - as I USED to build those for years certainly - now I see it more clearly as I observed it while it was doing it.

I had a bit of resistance while I saw the story growing but then I stopped and I said "no use let it be, that's its thing today apparently".

So I have this new thing of witnessing. It's not there all the time, not perfect yet but I have some clarity on that part that was not even there few weeks ago. Don't know if it's what's all about ?

It's very fragile. The OLD wants to come back big time as I gave so much identity to my business, my body / feelings. SO MUCH, it takes a lot of awareness to get out of it when it shows. Giving a smile and love instead.

SO.. yes there is still a Johanne in the mind/body thinking. I see that thoughts are not from me necessarily - meaning if I do think and see the action I don't question it, but if I just do something automatic, now I am looking at it (not all the time, sorry...)

Is it what you were asking ?

Thanks for being here with me...

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Kadou
Posts: 30
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:28 am

Re: An unleashed experience - ready to take it in !

Postby Kadou » Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:50 am

Can you tell me where you are on the planet? it will help me to have an idea what time you might be around :)

thanks!!

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Kadou
Posts: 30
Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:28 am

Re: An unleashed experience - ready to take it in !

Postby Kadou » Tue Apr 03, 2012 3:08 am

That's what I call an EGO TRIP (and I saw some others like that earlier today - maybe not as bad but still)

http://www.liberationunleashed.com/nati ... ?f=3&t=392

The fact that each and everyone keeps jumping in and pumping each other's egos, bashing - treating the other one of IDIOT or VERY SMART (sarcasticly) is telling me I'm not at the right place. Not for me. I'm sorry...


..
thanks anyway Graham.
Have an amazing LIFE !!

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GrahamB
Posts: 69
Joined: Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:04 pm

Re: An unleashed experience - ready to take it in !

Postby GrahamB » Tue Apr 03, 2012 8:01 pm

Hi Johanne. Let's get to work:
I see that you are a new member here too, so you discover who you are lately?
Yes, I have not been a member long. I discovered that I only exist in imagination/thought, ie, that I do not really exist.
Sure I do think Johanne exists. Well, I did at least. Now, not sure anymore about anything.
Are you sure you think, or that a thought occurs, and then another thought occurs that conveys the notion that "I thought that"? IOW, there is no 'I' thinking, but just thought arising; and from time to time a thought about yourself arises - but no actual I anywhere all this time.

And if you are not sure, is this not a thought about 'you' being not sure - there being no actual you there at all, but just thought?
After reading some posts since yesterday night, I've been looking at my actions - walking, eating, looking at something - and questionning who was doing it. VERY new to me, again. It's strange indeed to look that way when you never did before.
And did you find anyone doing it?
I saw few days ago, the mind building up a story on its own, I was not even trying to build it (meaning me (I know in few days, weeks I won't say me anymore :) but for now... :)) ) I was the witness of the building story and I said Hmm interesting, no effort, the mind is doing it by itself even if I say NO, don't do that, don't go there - it goes and build up. It brings back thoughts - that I didn't ask for. It was interesting that for hours, leaving few breaks, the mind was bringing back on and on the same kind of story that it wanted to build - as I USED to build those for years certainly - now I see it more clearly as I observed it while it was doing it.
Good spotting. Yes, thought streams can build into quite a story, and part of the thought story may be that there is a you that believes it.

Is there a mind or just a 'stream' of thoughts that are thought to come from a mind?
I had a bit of resistance while I saw the story growing but then I stopped and I said "no use let it be, that's its thing today apparently".
You mean there was a sensation of resistance and this was labelled or thought to be "my" resistance? And when the words came "no use let it be...", were those words said or thought by you or just thought to be said or thought by you?
So I have this new thing of witnessing.
Is there anyone witnessing, or 'having' witnessing, or is there just witnessing, observing, watching, noticing?
Is it what you were asking ?
Usually a good idea to quote what you are responding to and then write below it, much the same as I am doing.
Can you tell me where you are on the planet? it will help me to have an idea what time you might be around :)
I am in New Zealand, and usually write here each morning.
Thanks for being here with me...
My pleasure Johanne.


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