I've been around a while..

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Anastacia42
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby Anastacia42 » Fri Nov 29, 2019 9:47 pm

Dana,I found one of these for you. This is one of the 2 places I recall you saying you reached some kind of opening or awareness.
Re: I've been around a while..
Postby DanaPham » Thu Nov 14, 2019 6:50 pm

Hi Stacy, yes, I just opened up to write to you. Yes, I'm doing the exercise and reading the book. I walk my way through the dialogs and put myself there to work through the questions she asks. I do get triggered. I had a four hour headache from something I read there.....and no good ideas as to what upset me. When that happens I have to lay it aside and do something else.

I was thinking about when I awoke before in 2005. It was simple..we focused on awareness and the teacher made a distinction between awareness and all it's content. For 10 weeks I focused on awareness. I made doing that the most important activity in my life during that time. I was able to see truth with clarity, that awareness itself equals enlightenment (that's how I like to speak of it).
I wrote to my friend recently.. that being in this program is like turning around a battleship, a long, slow, arcing turn..

When I do the exercise of seeing the face I do not have, I enter (what I call) presence. Thoughts may arise. I note them without entanglement. And then I hang out there, but then this thought "what am I expecting, some truth to jump out?" I wrote what I wrote above because in the past I had this kind of continuous focus and I remember it. I can get some of this process and what's required and it's still muddled too.

Dana
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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Anastacia42
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby Anastacia42 » Fri Nov 29, 2019 9:50 pm

Here is the other one:
e: I've been around a while..
Postby DanaPham » Tue Sep 03, 2019 7:39 am

Hello Stacy,
I've read the first three stories in the book. I'll write a little more about myself here. I've been working, one on one with an awakened teacher for 6 years. It's body focused. His motto is "the body does not lie". He says I am awake. In our work we call that "the second birth". It's true that I am aware of consciousness. However, I continue to view the small self as running the show. Front and center. For about a year I have been looking for "something else". (I've shared all of this with my teacher). I have been looking at BatGap hoping to connect with some teacher or idea or path. I heard about LU and went to the site. I briefly read some material. After signing off I went into a state of enlightenment for a few moments. The second time I went to the site something similar happened. Then I registered for a teacher.
This is all I know about your work. The process we do is working. I get it. And I need to do this. That's all I can say for now. Perhaps later I can say more. So let's continue..
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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DanaPham
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby DanaPham » Sat Nov 30, 2019 2:01 am

. I believe that was the main fear, right?
With other hard spots I just laid them aside. Now I'm wondering if I should lay the "me" deal aside..


Raising Hand Exercise
1. Place both hands on a table in front of you, palms down.
2. When you have done that, rest for a moment and then raise one hand in the air but not the other.
Don't go to thoughts, examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:
What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?
No answer.
.
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing?
No.
What is it that is controlling the hand?
There is no answer.
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
No.
Can anything be found that makes the hand move?
No.
How is the decision made?
It happens on it's own.

I have read the two quotes you sent me.

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Anastacia42
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby Anastacia42 » Sat Nov 30, 2019 1:42 pm

Good morning, Dana,
Get some Deep Looking input (from an actual person).
Do you mean real time? Not in a forum like this? (I'm an "actual person" as much as anyone is. :) Or not.)
. I believe that was the main fear, right?
With other hard spots I just laid them aside. Now I'm wondering if I should lay the "me" deal aside..
You didn't answer the question - was loss of specialness the main fear? Yes or no?

Either way we don't so much "lay it aside," which is kind of sweeping it under the carpet and ignoring it, we LOOK for it. We search: Is there a me? Where? Describe it.


Let me ask you now about these triggering or negative experiences you had in the past with looking. Maybe it would help to know a little bit about that experience. Can you describe this? This is something to do Deep Looking with.

Thank you,

Much love,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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DanaPham
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby DanaPham » Sat Nov 30, 2019 3:20 pm

Get some Deep Looking input (from an actual person).
Do you mean real time? Not in a forum like this? (I'm an "actual person" as much as anyone is. :) Or not.)
Hi, in the Friederich chapter, Ilona takes him on a Deep Looking session. None of this is written about. When he returns he wakes up immediately. Also, you sent me to a YouTube video of what (not sure) is called Looking or Deep Looking. That was a video, not an actual person.

You didn't answer the question - was loss of specialness the main fear? Yes or no?
.
I believe that was the main fear, right?
Hi, yes, I know I did not answer the question. That's because I did not know the answer.
With other hard spots I just laid them aside. Now I'm wondering if I should lay the "me" deal aside..
Either way we don't so much "lay it aside," which is kind of sweeping it under the carpet and ignoring it, we LOOK for it. We search: Is there a me? Where? Describe it.

Yes, I get the ignoring part. Still, that's what I did before and it worked.
Let me ask you now about these triggering or negative experiences you had in the past with looking. Maybe it would help to know a little bit about that experience. Can you describe this? This is something to do Deep Looking with.
Dear Stacy, I hesitate to write because that's not what we do here. There is a lot going on in the background. I did the hand exercise and I could See well the first run through. What was there to See just showed itself. I never even got to ask the questions. But then me jumped back in and I could not see again. I get that Looking is your word for enlightenment. This morning I was having memories of my spiritual path . I was young and got very screwed up, and hurt. The whole Looking thing withdrew inside me (meaning I shut it down) and from then on I "seeked" while also being totally defensive. That was hell. I have made progress in the last several years. Still, not in this "me" area. I was asking myself this morning, "do I really need this me?", while feeling the me. I'm moving toward it as fast as I can. I'm not discouraged.

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DanaPham
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby DanaPham » Sat Nov 30, 2019 4:27 pm

Hello, I'll write a little more. It was good to read Ilona's book. She is so loving to her students. I needed to feel that. I needed to feel the love. I am bitter. With my confusing fucked up path. And I'm a coward..(another word for that is asshole).
Okay, thanks.

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Anastacia42
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby Anastacia42 » Sat Nov 30, 2019 5:09 pm

Oh Dana, honey, don't be so hard on yourself. You really are doing fine. Resistance just means there's fear. You know that. And you've never been an "asshole" toward me.

"Looking" is our word for how to see that there is no self. Yes, that's "waking up." I hesitate to use the word "enlightenment" because it carries so much baggage & false ideas, but yes, that, too.

We actually do look at fears here & if you're not able to look because of some past experience, we absolutely can look at that.

I admit that this personality that shows up as "Stacy" doesn't have as much "sweetness" as Ilona does. But I do love.

I'm going to read the Friederich chapter. I don't recall the specifics.

What time zone are you in?

Much love,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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DanaPham
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby DanaPham » Sun Dec 01, 2019 3:31 am

HI Stacy, I'm here in the Eastern time zone. USA.

Sincerely,
Dana

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Anastacia42
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby Anastacia42 » Sun Dec 01, 2019 4:49 pm

Good morning, Dana,

You can do Deep Looking sessions with Ilona. If that's something you want to try, here is the link:

http://ilonaciunaite.com/book/deep-looking/

Much love,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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DanaPham
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby DanaPham » Mon Dec 02, 2019 7:56 pm

Hello Stacy,
I have made an appointment with Ilona for this Thursday. I'll write back to you after that day.

Dana

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Anastacia42
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby Anastacia42 » Tue Dec 03, 2019 2:30 am

That sounds great!

~ Stacy
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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DanaPham
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby DanaPham » Sat Dec 07, 2019 1:44 am

Hello Stacy,
I met with Ilona yesterday and we had a 90 minute session. I'm going to need a few more days to process what has happened. I'll write again in a few days.

Thanks!
Dana

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Anastacia42
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby Anastacia42 » Sat Dec 07, 2019 2:39 am

Very well. Thanks for checking in.

Mitch love
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris

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DanaPham
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby DanaPham » Mon Dec 09, 2019 2:28 pm

Hi Stacy, I'm ready to begin again. The last exercise I did well with, the memory exercise. When I try the "choosing the fist" exercise I can get stuck. But I was more open last time (last night).
I saw with Ilona that I have hatred and that hatred is directed towards my heart. I do feel more peacefulness towards this situation...

Dana

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Anastacia42
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Re: I've been around a while..

Postby Anastacia42 » Wed Dec 11, 2019 12:34 am

Hi Dana,

I am not sure what the "choosing the fist" exercise is. Maybe it is the one below. Let's try it again and see whether there has been any shift in your ability to answer ALL of the questions after your Deep Looking session:


Raising Hand Exercise

1. Place both hands on a table in front of you, palms down.

2. When you have done that, rest for a moment and then raise one hand in the air but not the other.

Don't go to thoughts, examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

What is it exactly that is choosing which hand to raise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is doing the choosing?

What is it that is controlling the hand?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

Can anything be found that makes the hand move?

How is the decision made?


Be easy on yourself. Remember - we do not expect to find some things - like any "self." But the point is not to find one. The point is to LOOK and let that realization sweep over you that there is nothing there. Same thing with how choosing is done. "None, nothing and no one" are perfectly valid answers if that's what you SEE. Let the recognition of what is Actual Experience come out through this LOOKING.

Much love,
~ Stacy

"Not to know there is an alternative to being lost
in thought is to be a kind of prisoner."

~ Sam Harris


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