I am going to try again to really get back on track and look every single day, because i know it's the most important thing i can do.
Yes, I can see this. I saw this last year when you really impressed upon me the need to look fresh every single time and never rely on a memory, and that the memory was always happening in the present moment, the now. And I can see how I believe the fearful story and that is what drives the other thoughts, feelings, and behaviors---especially the behavior of spending more time involved in trying to deal with the stories...that are believed.But it’s all thoughts. Can you see this?
You are afraid of a story… Can you see this?
Yes, I can see how they are basically the same thoughts day after day and that if these thoughts were not present, there would be no suffering. When I stop and ask myself: Do I have a problem in this moment right now? The answer is always: No. Unless I'm getting assaulted or something of that nature, I would have to say I have no problem in this moment; but even in that situation, if there were no thoughts about what was happening, there would be no label such as "problem" so no problem would exist; pain might be present but it would not be a problem, it is only a problem if thoughts...words are put together that say it's a problem. I am very aware lately of thoughts that tell me if i am not thinking then i will really be in even more danger in the future, and of course those thoughts are believed.....they are not questioned in that moment; i need to question them every time they come up.Can you see that these fearful thoughts are recycled day-by-day, year-by-year, again and again, probably since childhood? The content might change a bit, but the foundation of the story, the projection of danger and thus the fear remains?This story is repeated again and again… and this is how suffering is built up. Thought by thought… suffering is created. Can you see this?
If all of my thoughts turned into tweeting of birds or blah blah, fear would disappear. Fear is created by believing the thoughts that appear.What would left of the fear if suddenly all your thoughts turned into the tweeting of birds? What happens if you replace your thoughts with ‘blah-blah-blah’? Is there fear then? Or fear is created by thoughts only? By one thought at a time?
Sitting here looking now, i notice that i want to, or the mind wants to or thoughts say: I want to make meaning of what i see, I want to understand what i'm seeing or looking at. What wants to create meaning, or feels like it needs to understand, or thinks it's important to assign meaning to things? It's like it's boring if i can't assign meaning to things. And, sometimes it's frightening to see something and not 'know' what it is, and after it's labeled the fear goes away. I notice underneath that is the belief that there is someone here that could get hurt if something is not understood or known---known in the way most humans define knowing...which is just labeling/assigning words to images seen. So, it appears as though 'what' wants to understand or assign meaning is just another thought. But why does that thought appear over and over again? Why is it so strong...have an emotional charge (fear) to it? Conditioning? So used to labeling that to not label/not know in the conventional way of knowing goes into uncharted territory? The unknown is fearful to whom? Who believes all of these stories? Based on memory, I can say that believing is just happening, but memories are not helpful here, now. I want to see NOW. Who wants to see now? This damn circle!
I did read the blog post...and two other links in there, too. I found the one about what the present moment is especially helpful. Thank you for the link.