I'm ready

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gaeahall
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I'm ready

Postby gaeahall » Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:18 pm

I've gone in and out of mystical states for years, knowing unity, forgetting, doing intense personal growth work to love myself, finding myself perfect, then going back into fear. I'm interested in this process, I like the gate crashers aspect, I believe enlightenment is possible in this lifetime for anyone who really wants it. I'm ready.

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Cam-RT
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Re: I'm ready

Postby Cam-RT » Wed Mar 21, 2012 1:59 am

Hello and welcome...

First, by what name may I address you? You know for a more personal conversation...

I would like to start with one rule, in that when I ask you questions that you'll be Completely honest with me with your response...

One other important thing is, that what ever beliefs or studies that you have attained in your journey until now, please set them aside until this process is over, you can revisit them again later if you wish....

Okay, first question...What comes up when I say..." There is no separate entity "Self" in real life at all??
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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gaeahall
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Re: I'm ready

Postby gaeahall » Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:38 am

My name is Mary, what is yours?

Answer: My head gets a bit foggy/numb, hard to focus on the question. I think, what does that mean? And another thought, its kind of fun thinking I'm separate, life is kind of fun looking at it this way. Thinking about it some more, I feel this struggle/push to keep myself separate from the whole, its a sense that I'm using a lot of energy keeping myself separate from the whole, like a drop of water kind of hanging over a large body of water. Its got some attachment to the water, but trying to pull away and expending a lot of energy to stay separate...but its to the side not over the water. My head is doing something funny as I answer this too, I feel kind of nauseous or dizzy.

BTW I'm off to bed now, I'll check back in the morning. Thanks!

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Cam-RT
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Re: I'm ready

Postby Cam-RT » Wed Mar 21, 2012 6:25 pm

Good morning Mary...

Yes, Cam is my given name...The "RT" behind it represents Ruthless Truth, which is the forum in which I achieved my Liberation...which no longer exists do to the more "brutal" approach to this same process.

In regards to your answer..Do you feel that a sense of fear may have resulted in your bodies response to this question?


So just one more question before we get going...

Do you have any expectations from becoming Enlightened??
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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gaeahall
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Re: I'm ready

Postby gaeahall » Wed Mar 21, 2012 7:01 pm

I didn't feel it as fear, but I guess it could be called that...
,
Expectations, to be able to stay at peace and not lose my temper at people- to be able to have compassion and love for others in all situations, to not get depressed. I expect to still feel feelings, up and down, etc, but witness them more than buy into them. I imagine I'll be able to stay centered, rather than people pleasing, or trying to pull people in, or I'll find it all perfect and not care so much. I expect to not be attached to outcomes, and find humanity more amusing than fearing what is happening.

I fear that I'll drop my life purpose and forget it, not caring about anything anymore, just coasting through life.

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Cam-RT
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Re: I'm ready

Postby Cam-RT » Wed Mar 21, 2012 7:42 pm

Well Mary that was a pretty down to earth expectation....

" We " (As liberated individuals) are regular people that see the truth in all that's around us...There are misconceptions that we sit around all day chanting, burning insence, and drooling all over ourselfs, but that couldn't be any further from the truth... ;^)


Okay, now we're going to address how thoughts and feelings coincide within the body and how the body will help guide you to finding and seeing the "Self" as it really is...

The mind, in addition to being an incredible processing and storage device, is also a labeling machine that labels experience as soon as perception happens.

Here's how it occurs...

Thought triggers feeling, feeling gets labeled---New trigger---Feeling gets more intense ---More labels--->Vicious feedback loop...

This is what go's on endlessly when " I " is at the centre...

Now I want you to think of some uncomfortable thoughts...(The more negative the better.) 

Do you feel how the body reacts when these thoughts are revisited??

Now, let's take this a step further...When you feel the body react, bring this thought up close, look...(with "laser focus") deep inside and behind this thought...

What do you see??
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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gaeahall
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Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2012 8:11 pm

Re: I'm ready

Postby gaeahall » Wed Mar 21, 2012 9:44 pm

I see myself scrunching down, like getting small, waiting for someone to hit me. Ok, looked again, this time I felt myself trying to bust out and scream at the "voice" telling me the thought...the thought wasn't from me, but someone a long time ago telling me that...actually they probably just thought it, I don't think anyone ever has told me I'm a failure in my life, well one woman a few years ago did, but never before that. But its HUGE, fear of being a failure. Ok, let me try to think about it again. This time I saw a brick wall, then a field of white, like white as far as the eye can see. My stomach still hurts.

I may be away from this conversation for a few days, I've not left it, I just am going out of town and not sure of computer use while I'm gone.

Thanks Cam.

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Cam-RT
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Re: I'm ready

Postby Cam-RT » Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:34 am

Hmmm. Mary very good!
I don't think anyone ever has told me I'm a failure in my life, well one woman a few years ago did, but never before that. But its HUGE, fear of being a failure. Ok, let me try to think about it again. This time I saw a brick wall, then a field of white, like white as far as the eye can see. My stomach still hurts.
You definitely made a connection with "The Self"...

It's that physical connection that we are going to focus on and practice; Remember the body doesn't lie...When the body feels threatened it will react to protect itself...Same as if someone was to threaten to "hit" you and the reflex that follows to protect the body.... You'll notice the same reaction or "connection" with other negative thoughts,like 
Anger,  frustration, sadness, depression, impatients, anxiety  etc...

Now keep trying to isolate one of these thoughts...get up close to it, bow to it, even embrace it, then peer straight into it...Behind it...What is it?...What drives it??
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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gaeahall
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2012 8:11 pm

Re: I'm ready

Postby gaeahall » Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:26 pm

The thought today is about feeling nervous...I'm in an Intentional community, visiting people who I am just getting to know, and my stomach is hurting, feeling fear/anxiety. The thought is, will they accept me, will I be rejected...It gets down to survival feelings, something like, if they don't accept me I'll die...childhood fears, feeling small, stomach hurting, scared and scrunched down again, like I'm waiting to die or waiting to be hit. I wasn't hit like that as a child like that. That is it, I'm all scrunched down and waiting to die, everyone will leave me and I'll die, or be killed.

So I change perspectives, and see myself (now) go to the part of me afraid of dying and offer that part a hand, in fact pick her up and hold her, she is shaking, scared, crying. I'm with her, letting her have her feelings about things, she isn't alone. Now she has had her feelings and wants down and to go play. She does and my stomach doesn't hurt as much now.

Ok, back to your question. What is it, what drives it. Part of me wants to explode with energy, but I'm afraid, wants to let everything out, everything out on the table, but I'm holding back. Now I'm burping, which I think of as energy is moving.

Still burping, think I'll stop for now. I'll probably have computer access again this afternoon or evening.

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Cam-RT
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Re: I'm ready

Postby Cam-RT » Thu Mar 22, 2012 10:10 pm

Good afternoon Mary...

It seems that the Self is using fear to it's advantage...

First we need to deal with that fear and anxiety before we move on....

Fear itself is not to be feared, It's a Mechanism. Working perfectly as a security system. It's protecting something from being found out...

When you look, just let it be here... Find out where in the body it is being felt, then bring it closer, invite it to share in it's wisdom...It's fine to just let it be...Respect it...Bow to it...Then look what's behind the fear.

So look at those thoughts again, breath and relax and try this technique...The "self" is using these emotions and thoughts to shield itself, to keep you from seeing the "Truth".

Take your time and take a clear look...What controls or drives these thoughts and feelings? What's behind all this??
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com

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gaeahall
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 19, 2012 8:11 pm

Re: I'm ready

Postby gaeahall » Sat Mar 24, 2012 3:35 am

So what I did was dug up sometime today that I wasn't feeling fully centered and happy, felt for the feeling, looked at the thoughts driving it, came up with "I'm a failure" then felt into (looked at with my third eye?) the pain in my belly that started when I thought about earlier today. I looked into it for about 10 minutes, bowing to it, listening to it, and what I got was this white light, the fear left and I felt this burst and everything was this cold white light, and I felt it outside of me too. I sat with that, but it didn't feel like much, just a "plane" of white light.

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Cam-RT
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Re: I'm ready

Postby Cam-RT » Sat Mar 24, 2012 8:14 pm

Good afternoon Mary... :^)

To try to answer the question about the "3rd eye"...ya, I guess if you want to call it that, I sort of look at it like "Day dreaming" I think... Just without the fantasizing...
[what I got was this white light, the fear left and I felt this burst and everything was this cold white light, and I felt it outside of me too. I sat with that, but it didn't feel like much, just a "plane" of white light.
So dealing with the fear is working well, yet the "The Self" seems to be trying to throw up a wall ( Of light.) yet remember these are thought "constructs", and in reality have no mass.... So Keep tring to move up to thru, and past this wall... what's behind this?... Try punching through somehow to get a look at it...
The illusion isn't destroyed...Just seen for what it 'Is'
Thoughts vs. Reality----->Reality always wins.
"Have courage...Don't give up!!"

http://cam-rt.blogspot.com


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