Thanks for the reply.
I don't feel resistance to trying to find the me anymore. Now it is more like distractions appearing, or thoughts telling me that this is not interesting, etc.
I understand what you are saying. Notice that if those thoughts were your thoughts and if you were the thinker, you could change the thoughts you sometimes have that bother you. If you can't, could it be they aren't yours and you aren't the thinker also?
At the same time it is possible to change the content of thoughts so that they become "healthier". There are some techniques, that psychologists use, and can change the way situations are perceived and so on.
So if it is possible to change one's thoughts then they would logically be their thoughts, right?
I started this journey with self-help techniques, trying the get healthier thoughts, etc., but have come to the conclusion that this is not a permanent fix. Hence, my presence here.
Do you think that the way you are now isn't the best you can be in these specific circumstances?
Short answer, yes. My mind is always telling me how I could be better. In fact, even when I achieved all that I had set out to, in my career, my mind was constantly pointing out mistakes.
Based on all that I have experienced, I can see that my mind always dangles carrots and when I reach the goal, it makes sure there is dissatisfaction at any cost.
When you eat the cookie - when you do something you think you shouldn't be doing - does that mean there must be a real you eating the cookie - acting in a way it shouldn't?
This is a good question. What you say is true. the thoughts that tell me i am wrong when eating the cookie clearly re-state each time, that there is a me. Now in those instances, thoughts seem to suggest and subtly emphasize a "me".
Do the judgments of these kind of actions add to the illusion that you are a (weak, unhealthy, with low self-esteem and control) you?
Does the action + the story thinking plays about the action = real self?
They certainly keep confirming this image they create (thought-created images) of a person with good and bad qualities.
What you mention as the real self, that is interesting. The action is taken to be performed by the real self (thinking programmed by everyone around since childhood), and the story confirms the presence of a self that does the actions.
The self is defined every instant by actions, whether it is actively doing something or doing "not doing", like "i am resting".
If there is no action and no story, there is no definition of the self.
when i am absorbed in action or interaction with others, and there is no investing in thoughts and what thoughts are telling me, it is difficult to feel an "i". it is actually very peaceful when there is no sense of "i" doing something.