I began spiritual path exactly like you : but some years after initial experiences, I engaged myself with a french master, Arnaud Desjardins for more than 20 years, and I can witness that for me, a living master is really better than only books. (Arnaud died last summer, in August 2011)
You will find samples (in english) of his teachings here :
http://www.arnauddesjardinsdvds.com/ind ... ge=01&lg=e
Interesting. I will have a look.
Can you describe with more details this fear ? And this anxiety for the body ? And how they influence your life ?
Yes. As I think of it, it is not only anxiety for the body. It is anxiety and fear in some areas in life. To summarize:
1. Fear of dying, because the body is fragile and easily physically hurt.
This can show itself in for example that there is sometimes a fear of looking another male in the eyes for an extended period of time, because of fear of being attacked.
2. Fear of emotional and pshychological hurt.
Fear of rejection. Talking to women is a part of this fear, but also other people that is viewed as respectable persons and are admired by others.
Also fear of ridicule.
Fear of losing someone I love.
Fear of being alone.
Well, it seems like I have a lot of fears. And when I write this I realize that I sound like an anxious person. But I'm actually more peaceful than most people. But still, these fears just don't dissipate, despite practicing Self-inquiry for several years now.
All these fears influence me in the way that I never feel totally secure, and I'm never able to rest it seems. Always on edge, so to speak. Restless.
Do you feel the contradiction ? There's a part within you which refuses strongly your actual living experience, and this part makes you desire something else than what is. You have to find who is this you who have never experienced "enough".
It's obvious that this you feeds itself with thoughts about what should be. This you makes your life impossible, but you are completely stuck in it. So, you have to find it, burn it, to be free from it; in the path I'd followed, we call that manonasha : destruction of the mind. (mind from the word manas in sanskrit)
I can only agree with your assessment. Though, I don't think destroying the mind is a correct term. But that's beside the point, and only intellectual masturbation. I do understand what you mean.
How is it done though?
You just need a shift in your perception of yourself, and this shift is not intellectual, it must come from intuition(intuition, in the sense of non-verbal knowing)
You already have what you need, but you don't see it. And you have all elements to see it.
Alright. So where do I start? Where do I begin? What do I do?