1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No there isn’t one, and never was one, once I thought there was but upon inquiry the I dissolved into timeless presence. Life is simply happening, but for functionality sake me and I are extremely useful.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The illusion of separate self is the inner movement (ego) which locks our attention (awareness) on our belief in thoughts and ideas about ourselves, a derived sense of self from past, future, desire and aversion as well as identification with the physical body. It gives the limited feeling of solidity and separateness.
It is a conditioning that solidifies more and more as of the age of 3, accumulation of our environment and happenings in childhood, a choice-less software that operates later on unconsciously physiologically 95% of our everyday life, attracting outside situations and circumstances of the same density… only to eventually eradicate its own continuation by spirit-awareness-being (what we truly are) becoming more and more aware of itself through withdrawal from being enmeshed with its content (the thoughts, the emotions, the body)
In my current experience its not existent, even when an old energy arises there is simply a feeling of heaviness and density about it but no more separation, simply a cloud, allowed to be here, to be felt and seen until its gone the next moment… and the inner sky is clear again.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference to the time before seeing through this? Please report also from daily life.
It is absolute true FREEDOM!!! a radical shift from a history once believed to be true, a body once believed to be “me”, a life once believed to be liner, and a dream once believed to be real, to simply – Life living itself through intimate, timeless experiencing. From daily life: clarity, wisdom, contentment, absolute transformation on all levels, maturity, stillness, authenticity, radical honesty, never ending deepening, greatest good as our true nature.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
In 2011 was escaping another winter by going to Mexico for the dreamed fulfillment of “me” in an eco-project, which ended up being a total disaster striking the same cords of division, inner unease, irritation and a strong calling to continue the search. This gave birth to an intense longing for Truth out of seeing clearly more then ever – the misery and the suffering of our dreaming mind (ego), the separation and the lies we live with. Standing in front of the reflection in the mirror, looking into the tear filed eyes I requested and begged for truth, Truth and nothing but Truth!
Spontaneous meditation happened throughout the following days allowing the letting go deeper and deeper into the present moment until something snapped, leaving only intense silence instead of confusion and separation. Life became aware of itself as everything and nothing simultaneously, as the ever-unmoved present moment: all-inclusive, peaceful and absolutely homey. Few months after the awakening retreat, Life came back to free everything within the old worldview, emptying all identifications. The sense of time stopped and a true home in being became unshakable.
5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work? What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Life gives opportunities (choices) going left or right, your inner compass + past experience bring forth a sense of direction (decision). We attract energetically events, people and circumstances according to our inner state of consciousness and the frequency we radiate.
In the realm of the ego or the conditioned drive (Free will) decisions are simply - the past playing out, projecting itself toward a desired future, creating big or small chaos and disharmony all around. When we step out from operating from that space we enter reality as it is, we play in the unknown, here and now. I find our main drive becomes the service to others; children, parents, partners, community and humanity as a whole… and all this without any particular reason. Needs make things happen, Life flows without restriction. Old fears are faced so that Life could flow smoother yet.
Intention is the giving of one-pointed attention & well or bad meaning toward ourselves or other in our feelings, thoughts and actions.
Control is an illusion. Everything in life is a relationship, no one and nothing is in control of anything else. Even death is not in control of the physical realm; a relational play must happen first for such outcome to occur.
I am responsible for being radically honest with myself and others, responsible to be the best example of a human being to my children, responsible for stepping into the truth of our being, and living the full free unique expression of that.
6) Anything to add?
Thank you for the opportunity to reflect such a gift.