An end to seeking possible

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Ilona
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Ilona » Thu Sep 20, 2018 2:49 pm

I hear you! Is anything in the way of being? Do you need to do anything, loose anything in order to be? What should be different right here right now? And when is not right here right now?

You see this already, just waiting for something to happen. Only thing that happens is shift of focus from mind movies to actuality. What is here? Ask this and just be receptive. This that IS is here. It’s not in the mind movie. It’s actual. Knowing that you are, being aware of being, just being.. is always here!

If you are looking for a mind movie to change, maybe try to change colours and sounds that show up. Why would you do that, right? Why would you want the green turn into red? Or are all colours fine as they are? Why then mind movie needs to change? It shows up to be seen and ....honoured!

What is here right now? Look at what is as it is. What is arising?

Sending love.
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Cyclewave
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Cyclewave » Sun Sep 23, 2018 4:40 pm

I hear you! Is anything in the way of being? Do you need to do anything, loose anything in order to be? What should be different right here right now? And when is not right here right now?
Yes, you are right, there is nothing to lose, gain or change...it is always here and now...

You see this already, just waiting for something to happen. Only thing that happens is shift of focus from mind movies to actuality. What is here? Ask this and just be receptive. This that IS is here. It’s not in the mind movie. It’s actual. Knowing that you are, being aware of being, just being.. is always here!
The mind movies, the patterns...regret, remorse...also joy and epiphanies...all play out all the time. And They are taken in and believed by the personality. There is an urgency of trying to understand how to see past these movies.
If you are looking for a mind movie to change, maybe try to change colours and sounds that show up. Why would you do that, right? Why would you want the green turn into red? Or are all colours fine as they are? Why then mind movie needs to change? It shows up to be seen and ....honoured!
Also you are right, undoubtedly. Nothing can be changed, all is at is is...I can't change the movie any more than I can change the sea. Nor can I seem to change the energy of seeking, which doesn't seem to stop happening, and is a preoccupation. No amount of knowledge, understanding, information, makes it go away. But how to abide in a place beyond understanding. When will the turmoil of seeking start to subside. Yes, it is also a story.
What is here right now? Look at what is as it is. What is arising?
Sending love.
Everything is here...somehow seen through a glass darkly, still. Maybe that is all that is and the hope of any veil lifting is whats keeping it in place.
Thank you and Love!

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Cyclewave
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Cyclewave » Sat Sep 29, 2018 6:48 pm

Everything is still arising, out of nothing...
The patterns in my head makes it seem like nothing has changed, still waiting, as for a veil to lift. Yet every day it seems like I am seeing more of what is.
Thankful for the sour moods and dark thoughts...they make the impermanence of everything more real. The sweetness and good things I cling to more.
Finding myself listening to non-duality talks again, realizing I'm filling up my head with nonsense, yet laughing and smiling at the concepts in very pleasurable way. Some of the restlessness is going away, nowhere to get to, mostly.
Thank You and Love.

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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Cyclewave » Thu Oct 04, 2018 12:10 am

What is still arising? I don't know anymore. Nothing, it seems can really be known, no-one to know it, noone lasting anyway. These thoughts are seen as dreams, apparent phenomena. Yet as life goes on there is still so meuch heaviness and seeking appearing. How can I reconcile these two streams of being. All is coming from a kind of paradox...something beyond the self, beyond words, something I can't quite see clearly.
Thank You and Love to you.

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Ilona
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Ilona » Thu Oct 04, 2018 2:27 pm

Thank you for sharing what is going on with you.
Sounds that something has changed, as in some of the restlessness going away and laughing at the concepts. But there is still seeking for something.. what would that be?
There is this aware presence and knowing of existence.
There is mind screen full of stories and images about what is not happening.
The answer is never in the images.
What you ar looking for is here now, in the sense of being. Never not here.

What happens when you ask, is this enough? This presence, aware being. Is that enough?

If not, what’s missing?
Love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Cyclewave
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Cyclewave » Mon Oct 08, 2018 6:34 pm

Thank you for sharing what is going on with you.
Sounds that something has changed, as in some of the restlessness going away and laughing at the concepts. But there is still seeking for something.. what would that be?
Waiting for a veil to lift. There is still so much unclarity.
There is this aware presence and knowing of existence.
There is mind screen full of stories and images about what is not happening.
The answer is never in the images.
What you ar looking for is here now, in the sense of being. Never not here.
Been meditating on this for a few days. Never not here. It is true...everything but the present moment is an illusion, but the mind movies are still so compelling I fall right into them every time.
What happens when you ask, is this enough? This presence, aware being. Is that enough?
If not, what’s missing?
Love
Been asking...the mind says yes, it has to be, there is nothing else. Don't know what's missing and why I can't seem to move from this stuck place that feels there is somewhere else to go.

Love

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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Ilona » Mon Oct 08, 2018 10:31 pm

Waiting for the veil to lift - that’s it. There is nothing to lift. The veil does not go anywhere. So what is happening here, is waiting for something to change, something to appear differently. And that waiting in itself is the tension that wants to be lifted. Meet it. Welcome it and really see it. Waiting energy in itself.

What is in the way of being aware? Is seeing obstructed by anything?

Being aware is always on.
The flip is between being aware of mind movies and of actuality.
There is nothing to wait for, but notice, that here you are. Awake, aware, alive. And that being alive includes all, mind movies, emotions, searching, finding, and whatever is going on. Life is happening, waiting for life to be happening shows up. But that is still life happening.

Sit with waiting and tell me, what showed up.
Love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Cyclewave
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Cyclewave » Fri Oct 19, 2018 9:27 pm

Waiting for the veil to lift - that’s it. There is nothing to lift. The veil does not go anywhere. So what is happening here, is waiting for something to change, something to appear differently. And that waiting in itself is the tension that wants to be lifted. Meet it. Welcome it and really see it. Waiting energy in itself.
One of the phrases that has been with me all my life is "I can think, I can wait, and I can fast," from Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, which I read at 17 while on a solo vision quest in the Rocky Mountains...it really influenced me into waiting....seems I've been waiting for my life to start all my life. Never got too good at fasting though :)
Been meeting this waiting energy and thanking it. Seems like every time I try to write I wait more and more for something to say. Things are unfolding at their own pace and I'm appreciating that. You can't really force a flower to bloom.
What is in the way of being aware? Is seeing obstructed by anything?
General awareness seems to drift around to wherever it is concentrated, but some underneath aware presence is always there, cannot be obstructed because it is the stuff of existence itself.
Being aware is always on.
The flip is between being aware of mind movies and of actuality.
There is nothing to wait for, but notice, that here you are. Awake, aware, alive. And that being alive includes all, mind movies, emotions, searching, finding, and whatever is going on. Life is happening, waiting for life to be happening shows up. But that is still life happening.
Yes to all of the above...yes to everything...some days are clearer than others...like the weather...in fact I am starting to see mind movies more and more like the weather, in that they cannot really be controlled, they just arise and pass, over and over, and this is seen with more equanimity now. Also, I've been feeling drawn to do more meditation just to keep centered in that state.
Sit with waiting and tell me, what showed up.
Something different, bigger, is felt, often, and there is another small voice telling me that a certain tension is still supposed to be released when there is no more seeking and waiting energy arising, and that that tension still arises...maybe just arising in the story, or even in the body...so the waiting is still there.

Love
[/quote]

Thank You and Love.

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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Cyclewave » Fri Oct 26, 2018 12:55 am

Just trying to live every moment consciously and awake. Beliefs are dropping away..waiting and seeking are hanging on, mainly to the belief that there is still someplace to go or something to see or attain. Feels like a long journey, frustrating at times that some people seem to get it, while others die trying. Maybe I also believe that I'm one of the stubbornly resistant ones.
Just sitting on the beach, riding my bike, being in the classroom, all of the simple things I do now seem to be more infused with a kind of mindfulness, also some forgetfulness and mind movies, but the moment keeps returning me to the present.
Hope you are well,
Sending Love

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Ilona
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Ilona » Thu Nov 01, 2018 2:39 pm

Dear peter, thank you for sharing. I can see that slowly but surely something is changing. The mindfulness, the being present shows up and that’s a good indication that you know the place where the peace is found.
As for the waiting energy, what are you if you no longer wait? Right here right now, listen, watch, feel, there is nothing else but what is. Nothing is going to happen, it already is. Sounds, colours, sensations, tensions, contractions... allow them all to just be.
Once contraction is released it will give more room for peace, but those contractions are going to keep coming up. There is no final feeling. Only ever present here now.
Don’t focus on what should be different. Rather allow fully to feel what already is. Agree with what is. Why fight it any longer. As long as you are trying to fix or to change something you are still saying no to what is. Notice the NO and turn it to YES. You don’t need to wait to do that, just notice that is currently arising and meet it with a yes.

The home is here, where you stop trying. Notice effortlessness. Make an exercise of it. What is effortless?

Love and hugs
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Cyclewave
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Cyclewave » Tue Nov 13, 2018 4:27 pm

Dear peter, thank you for sharing. I can see that slowly but surely something is changing. The mindfulness, the being present shows up and that’s a good indication that you know the place where the peace is found.
Something is changing, everything, from moment to moment....so...all I can do is stay present to it, no matter how uncomfortable or pleasant it may be.
As for the waiting energy, what are you if you no longer wait? Right here right now, listen, watch, feel, there is nothing else but what is. Nothing is going to happen, it already is. Sounds, colours, sensations, tensions, contractions... allow them all to just be.
Once contraction is released it will give more room for peace, but those contractions are going to keep coming up. There is no final feeling. Only ever present here now.
Feels like I can't go forward, can't go back, can't stay still. Not sure if there is anything to be done, yet trying o let the sense of waiting arise and just rest.

If I haven't written it is beacuse I just don't know what to report. Not much is happening except for a little turbulence in the personal life. Still waking up to this inquiry and falling asleep to it as well. Doesn't seem to ever be far from my mind even if I try to put it away for a while.

Don’t focus on what should be different. Rather allow fully to feel what already is. Agree with what is. Why fight it any longer. As long as you are trying to fix or to change something you are still saying no to what is. Notice the NO and turn it to YES. You don’t need to wait to do that, just notice that is currently arising and meet it with a yes.

The home is here, where you stop trying. Notice effortlessness. Make an exercise of it. What is effortless?
I am agreeing to and saying yes to everything, even the waiting, overthinking, frustration.
Love and hugs
Love to you and thanks.

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Ilona
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Ilona » Tue Nov 20, 2018 2:41 pm

Here is a question for you, are you ready for the final questions?
If not, what is in the way?

Love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Cyclewave
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Cyclewave » Wed Dec 05, 2018 4:28 pm

Here is a question for you, are you ready for the final questions?
If not, what is in the way?

Love
How can there be anything other than liberation here. Sometimes it does feel like all he suffering is lifted and clinging to states of mind ceases. Other times, when tired, I feel like a fraud. Not sure how going to other ceremonies and entering blissful celestial realms is affecting this process either, but it is part of what is for me, and a community as well.

Yet the persona is still expecting a breakthrough. I have spent the past two weeks chewing on this question. I am still identified with the sense of self...sometimes more strongly sometimes less so...the one who is observing these thoughts still feels like me.

The anger, sadness, joys and pleasures all feel so real and more or less like mine to choose to stay in or not. Don't know why I'm not just getting it, even though there can't be anything to get.

Some of the seeking energy has subsided...it feels like all is here...yet just out of reach...so in answer to your question, I don't know.

Gratitude for your time and attention. Love.

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Ilona
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Ilona » Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:24 am

Hi Peter,
How is it going?
It’s been a while and I wanted to check in with you. I am back on the forum and we can continue talking if you are still here.
Love
Truth realized will set you free.
http://ilonaciunaite.com/book

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Cyclewave
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Re: An end to seeking possible

Postby Cyclewave » Fri Feb 08, 2019 12:42 am

Hi Ilona,
Glad you're back.
Still here. Still studying, meditating, traveling, doing all the things that this lens for the universe to see one facet of itself through has been doing.
Also, apparently, the same sense of needing to be a little farther along, or that something is very near but not quite here, is still happening. Trying not to take it personally!
When you asked me a while back if I was ready for "final questions" it was a springboard to really examine this whole process.
It will be good to continue this conversation and thanks again for your interest and time.
Love.


Hi Peter,
How is it going?
It’s been a while and I wanted to check in with you. I am back on the forum and we can continue talking if you are still here.
Love


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