1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
Only in [T]. No, there was never a separate self. It truly is a marvel that it codifies so strongly and remains throughout our lives. Even in a few days of not believing those thoughts or dropping them as they come up, the sense of self starts to dissipate into doing/eating/living/walking - verbs. It's mind-blowing how many self-based thoughts must go through the mind on a minute-to-minute basis to maintain this illusion.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, how it starts and works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now, just spontaneously, in the actual experience
It's still here - but only a small part of experience and seen as thought. As mentioned, it feels like it lives in a little corner of experience - both creating thoughts and triggering sensations in the body (usually chest/throat tightening).
Self is a pattern of thoughts (for me/this mind, a lot of them are related to reliving the past or anticipating scenarios in the future - temporal reality is a huge trigger of self-ness). The illusion is built up by thought after thought, second after second of self-related thoughts. This feels so obvious now but crazy it was never seen before (and, in fact, still believed now in times of stress or when the thoughts are overpowering).
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
It feels both more mundane and more profound than what it seemed like it would be. Mundane because nothing has changed. The same thoughts and same constructed identity still exist in experience. Profound because it's possible to zoom out of them into experience and understand they aren't truth. They're fictional products of the mind and do not reflect reality. There is still a lot of getting sucked into daydreams but the trigger to zoom back out is getting faster and faster, and when the daydreams/reminiscing/regret/worry/anticipation stops being believed, there is instant peace.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
Huh, not sure. I remember I was daydreaming about what it would be like to be incredibly rich. Then the thought came "well, would another rich person in the world really make a difference to the world/reality"? Then "wait... my reality is not the same as reality's reality. In reality and the grand scheme of things, there would be just another rich human." Then "huh... I'm just another human". Then "wait... what is 'me' then?". Then it began...
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Please try to describe the process as best you can, even if gropingly. Don't forget to give some practical examples from your everyday experience (even if there is no real 'you'!) What are you responsible for?
Hm this part still doesn't fully make sense. There is no real me, just thoughts in patterns. But it still feels in experience like those thoughts affect action, and those actions affect experience. There is no real me to worry, anticipate, feel guilty, etc but there is still a pattern of more tactical thoughts ("What should I eat for lunch?") that affect action. So it seems in experience that yes, thoughts in experience do decide, intend, chose action but there's no "me" there doing it and the thought that things need to
be a certain way are nonsensical (the idea of "control" also is nonsensical). There is only what is - this experience.
6) Anything to add?
Thank you for this! It's been a truly enjoyable journey and I'm excited for the future. My focus still goes in and out in believing thought as truth and zooming out into experience (and seeing thought for what it is), but I assume this just takes practice.