AM I?

[GrahamB]

Sorry to hear you have a cold Bartek. Please only reply when you are able to look honestly and fully at where you are.

Regards,
Graham

[AM I?]

Do you notice how you, or the thought of you is not there all the time. For example when you are really engrossed in something, the thought that you are doing this, or you did this, only comes at intervals, ie 'you' are nothing more
than another thought, or thought construct (self image) that arises and dissolves from time to time. Do 'you' see this?

Yes, I see that, but there's this constant pressure in the body which clenches my nerves and makes 'me' feel me.
I'm trying stretching/exercise, but I got more sad, tired and discouraged after less than 5 minutes.

You' do not aim or own anything, let alone awareness. There is an experience; the 'I' labels it 'mine';
thoughts arise that create a story of what the experience means. Experience has no inherent meaning; all meaning is created by thought stories.

The imaginary character Bartek is writing 'his' stories. Once you begin to see this it is difficult to get sucked in
to the current story.

I feel impossibility to see this.
It's rational, I understand that, but there's a lot of sadness, stupidity and inability to 'surrender' to that fact.

But you know that the content of all thought is entirely imaginary, don't you?

I know that right now, I'll probably forget that in 10 seconds. I don't have influence on that psyche.
'I'm' sucked in this 'miserable'life/story constantly.

A thought is right where it is being thought. The 'I' that is trying to grasp thought is another thought, and thought cannot do anything as it is imaginary. Do 'you' see this?

No, I'm confused, I cannot focus, I have attention deficit disorder. My thoughts are mixed and it depresses me whole the time.

[AM I?]

Please only reply when you are able to look honestly and fully at where you are.

what do you mean by 'fully' ?

[GrahamB]

Do you notice how you, or the thought of you is not there all the time. For example when you are really engrossed in something, the thought that you are doing this, or you did this, only comes at intervals, ie 'you' are nothing more
than another thought, or thought construct (self image) that arises and dissolves from time to time. Do 'you' see this?

Yes, I see that, but there's this constant pressure in the body which clenches my nerves and makes 'me' feel me.

So it is seen! The pressure in the body arises, then the thought arises that 'there is constant pressure....', then the 'I' thought arises, then the thought 'this sensation makes me feel me'. NO me anywhere in all this sequence, NONE; only a stream of experience. SEE this, and continue seeing it.

If there is constant pressure and nerviness in the body all the time there would no experience of anything else would there?. You do not experience this all the time do you. Be honest and clear here. 'You' only experience this when focus is placed on this experience don't 'you'? Honesty and clarity is very important in this dialog. When you lick a lovely ice cream that taste is all the experience that is for that moment isn't it?

You' do not aim or own anything, let alone awareness. There is an experience; the 'I' labels it 'mine';
thoughts arise that create a story of what the experience means. Experience has no inherent meaning; all meaning is created by thought stories.

The imaginary character Bartek is writing 'his' stories. Once you begin to see this it is difficult to get sucked in
to the current story.

I feel impossibility to see this.
It's rational, I understand that, but there's a lot of sadness, stupidity and inability to 'surrender' to that fact.

This is a mental position, and mental positions can be 'put to one side' and 'seen past'. Do you want to do that? Do you see that you can do that?

But you know that the content of all thought is entirely imaginary, don't you?

I know that right now, I'll probably forget that in 10 seconds. I don't have influence on that psyche.
'I'm' sucked in this 'miserable'life/story constantly.

Right, you have no influence on the mind, on what thoughts arise, as 'you' are a thought construction in a thought constructed story. All entirely imaginary. You are not some story book character in some story of your life. You can see that this is a story, so stick with what you SEE. SEE this now and now and now....

A thought is right where it is being thought. The 'I' that is trying to grasp thought is another thought, and thought cannot do anything as it is imaginary. Do 'you' see this?

No, I'm confused, I cannot focus, I have attention deficit disorder. My thoughts are mixed and it depresses me whole the time.

I do not want to hear about all your stories of what you are and what you can or cannot do, and what you have, and what you are. You see this is all story don't you. So stop relating stories about yourself and LOOK. Everything is fresh moment to moment. Eyes blinking now... fingers tapping now... backache now... thought about must get birthday card now... scratch nose now...... This is ALL that is happening moment to moment, no experiencer anywhere. SEE this! Continue SEEING this. This is all that is happening. Focus!

Please only reply when you are able to look honestly and fully at where you are.

what do you mean by 'fully' ?

Completely, utterly, as far as you can go - and further.

Do this little exercise—close your eyes and imagine you are holding a slice of watermelon in your hands. Imagine it so vividly, that you feel its weight, shape, temperature, texture, its scent. Take a bite, roll it around in your mouth, fully appreciate the lovely taste. Got it?
Now open your eyes.
What happened to the melon? How about the sensation that was so believable?

Self is also vividly experienced by most of us, and it is equally imaginary. Once you SEE how 'self' is constructed and labels experiences, it becomes clear that there is no self in reality at all.

[AM I?]

can you imagine reality in which 'selves' are truly existing?

[GrahamB]

Bartek, what is the relevance of that question to the task we agreed on here?

Please respond in full to my previous post.

Regards,
Graham