Nobody here told you what or who is the I, only thing we ask here is to look in direct experience if there is self, which is a totally different ballgame than asking who or what is I and waiting for the answer, this assumes there is an I there existing separately that can do looking and seeing or not seeing it here or there, is there?1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
3) How does it feel to see this?
I don't see a separate self, me , I anywhere and from my seeing now, there never was a self. When I ask the question what or who is the I that says I don't see separate self the only answer the makes sense and resonates is awareness. When I use the word "I" now and in this dialogue it feels like "I" is awareness. "I" before felt like it was contained in and had the boudaries of the body. Then the "I" went from seeming like it was the body to being only something in thought. Then I have openings/feelings that come and go when I the observer have no boudaries and am part of and not separate of a huge without boundary beingness looking back at a me that is experiencing the small experience of being and living in a life called world.
I is awareness? Why would there be an awareness that is you? What is awareness? Is it not just trough 5 different senses sensing that there is an awareness? Same goes for the observer, how is it you? It is just different processes going on, seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, mind/thought assumes there is connecting consciousness combining them and that you are this but your no more this than rain, sunshine, thunder, storm or snow are weather separately, you see?
Having a realisation of ''no self'' is nice but is there anything there to have a realisation? There either is a self separate from all else or there isn't...A shift in awareness to "no self" happened a few different times. The first is when through the guided self questioning I came to and reflected on my thoughts and had the sense that I touched lightly on the "no self" but was still questioning whether I got it because feelings of sadness, depression fear were coming up at the same time and the belief that I can't be having a realization of "no self" and have depressed feelings it should be blissful and happy so even though I had a sense of no self and reread my thoughts and saw it there, I kind of blew it off and continued the internal questioning. Here was my reflected sequence that led to that brief sense of seeing "no self".
There is no ''no self'' to get to or lose and get back to, it is seen to exist or not to exist. Did an I come into the world? So when you were born you said: ''ah here I am, I am nothingness''?Other sequences in self questioning that brought me to and bring me back to "no self" is the realization that before I was a fetus I wasn't a self, I came into the world as a nothingness and then the self, the person "Jack", was molded as I experienced seeing from the brain, through the eyes, the world, bodies etc., and loosing the seeing from a formless place of awareness or "no self".
So when there is no thought everything is automatic but what about with thought? And thinking itself? Are you the thinker?Other sequences trigger the sense of no self. The realization that there is thought and no thought and realizing in no thought that everything is automatic, there isn't an I doing the walking, breathing, initiating the doing or the actual doing and realizing that is the place where the truth, what is real, what is awareness comes from and is experienced in, not in thought. That came to me from simply walking down the hallway in my house and sitting down then seeing that the walking, breathing, initiating the movement, all happened without a me or self having any part of initiating or being conscious of it. I have awareness that thought is something that automatically comes up and the awareness of bouncing back and forth between the (rehashed, recycled visions and feelings of form which I see as thought) back into a formless awareness of it all. I get senses of coming from the awareness sometimes with great clarity fading back into a sense of containment and a feeling like being trapped in thoughts and the world, like I got it and lost it, like the clarity comes and goes. I became aware that I get more clarity and seeing "no self" when I focus on looking and not thinking. I started looking at the guided questions and looking at the present moment and seeing from self awareness rather than thinking from the brain which seemed to lead me into past conditionings and thought and others' thoughts.
You cannot ''get'' more seeing ''no self'' after seeing if it is there or not it can be seen again.
What means seeing from self awareness and how are you doing it?
Over all feelings of depression, fear, anxiety are dissipating. When fears or concerns come up like around money, before I would have the thought and the fear about it with no other awareness about it and feeling trapped in it. Now I have an aware feeling that it is just a thought based in the future which doesn't exist now, then I fall back into the feeling of awareness which is aware of the thought and not being the thought. There seems to be more of an overall sense of well being and a sense of needing to do less, with times of more clarity comes peace and well being and a sense of not needing to do anything at all. Still periods of lack of clarity and focus with feelings of fear, anxiety and loneliness come up and a feeling of a need to-do come up, but seem to be less and less. Now comes awareness of all that happening as life happening not me doing. A sense of I got it and I lost it and feeling like if I just allow and not try to bring the
I go into trying to bring the clarity and awareness back by reading and listening to teachings and then having the awareness that everything happens no matter what I do and that I get trapped into doing. Now when I read or listen to teachings its not in search for something. Everything now I see as triggers to point me back into the internal awareness (home) inside of me knowing its all already there with everything happening as it should. The internal home feels like a huge uncontained expanse happening
What are you assuming will get back to home? Is there a you here or beyond or behind which can leave or get back anywhere?
What is the difference from before you started this dialogue?
The feeling before was coming from me, I, Jack seeing, feeling doing in the world. Feeling trapped and searching for awakening happiness and peace outside of myself. A feeling like there was an answer that I didn't have that would come to me through searching. No perspective of life outside the world "I" lived in. A feeling I and the world cause my feelings. Feeling stuck and feeling more and more fear, anxiety, loneliness and an increased sense of despair of which I could not control.
Now, seeing "no self" the perspective is completely different. I now come from a place of awareness feeling like being a part of, not separate from, life/consciousness/all that is, and not having control of it as it happens. Now I have a perspective of being awareness observing, at times seeing itself lost in thought and doing and forgetting and then coming back to full awareness that there is not a small separate self. A lessening sense of being in control or needing to be in control. Lost the need to search, feeling like I found it and that my only desire to read or listen to teachings is the enjoyment of recognizing that I already know it and that it acts as pointers i.e. the guided questions in "Unleashed" to pointing inside and allowing awareness to become more aware of itself. Being conscious of thought and being aware of thoughts as not all that is and observing thought and seeing the I, me, Jack in thought. A feeling that life doesn't emanate from a me or self that makes it happen or is in control but that now I am not separate of life happening, making it happen, a feeling of less and less control and needing control. Those are the major differences but certainly not all of the differences attached to an overall feeling of change happening.
Where is this place of awareness exactly right now in direct experience? Are you this? Where does inside begin and outside end?
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
As I described above it was very subtle at first. The statement I typed as it was coming from my awareness sparked the initial realization and I had to reread it but I knew I knew it. It felt like I knew it and then I didn't know it which felt very frustrating. Then through the "Unleashed" guidance my guide said it came to him when he "looked" instead of "thinking". Then I started looking and internalizing more rather than thinking. Looking, seeing, internalizing the direct experience rather than trying to think the answer. The over the top came in a morning when I woke up. I had beautiful clarity and a knowing "no self" that came from the awareness of "thought" and "no thought". The realization that in no thought or awareness that all is happening without a me doing it and that all comes from that and not from thought. The realization that all is emanating from the larger perspective of no self. And an immediate feeling of peace and sense of release and knowing.
Is there a you to know it? Are you the awareness?
5) Do you decide, intend, choose, control events in Life? Do you make anything happen? Give examples from your experience.
Life emanates from "no thought". Life is happening without a me/I/self. There is not an I or self directing Life. Thoughts of I deciding, I intending, I choosing , I controlling events in the world and I making things, happen in thought.
What is a ''no thought''?