If it is seen or not seen does not determine if what is considered self is really self.Hi Life,
I stopped for a couple of months and then somehow I seeked again. I still don't see God nowhere, as all stuff or glimpses of the past won't do right now. The only thing that is happening at this moment that there is a JAvier typing this. I cannot fool myself at this moment, despite of the hunderds of little moments of 'happening by itself' and seeing oneness in a itching sensation.
Are you available again and can we take this very, very slowly. When I look into direct experience, I am an I trying to look, which distracts me. It gives me headaches and stress, which is good, because it baiscally forces me to stop thinking so much.
What is seen there, is not seen here now. I cannot see what is happening there or how God looks like. The words 'It is THIS' won't do. I have a notion that the I can NEVER experience Oneness or God or whatever.
The notion is exactly right, what you realy are cannot be experienced cause you are it, like the eye cant see itself. But to be able to know this for certain it is essential first seeing that whatever is cannot be self in any way.
Are you anything sensed?1) I have been looking into senses lately during the whole day. Not only 1 hour but during the whole day. I noticed that 'water' doesn't contain taste. Only when I put the whole damed thing in my mouth, there is taste. So taste depends on the tongue. So the taste of water is happening there downunder, at the tip of the tongue. And it seems that there is an I who sees that taste happen. Same with itching sensations or touch. No coldness in doors....only when hand is laid upon it, there is coldness. So feeling coldness is happening at the hand's level. That is the touching itself. Right there. And I sit in the brain seeing that. Not sure how to explain it. And then I look into thought claiming something like 'I taste the water' and 'I hear sound from an airplane outside'. If the tasting is made out of taste of water, what is this I? It feels like saying 'I taste the tasting of water'. So I don't understand awareness, which leaves me with no option than to perhaps believe in that thought. And there is an attention which awakens to itself and goes to the itching sensation right after it happens. Is this awareness? I guess not, as that too is an object.
Lets get to the point, very simple, what do you consider to be you which should make a whole lot of effort to get to oneness? What are you trying to make experience or become oneness or awareness? Sitting in front of the computer happens, does it take effort?2) I cannot find what I really am in an object. So awareness doesn't show up or I cannot become it or understand it or feel it out. Therefor, the whole awarneess thing is gobbly gook to me. it feels that it even doesn't exist. I can only find taste of water, coldness of door, sounds coming out of a speaker.
Sometimes I say to myself ' now you are not going to know what is happening in the body'. I try to do something without me knowing it, like moving my foot. But I know exactly what is happenign even if I do nothing.
Sometimes I am caught up in thought. Sometimes not. I am looking for how it feels to be awarenesss and not an I. It totally sets me off of this present moment.
take care and perhaps see you here!
Sorry to be a hardcore seeker, but if 'Oneness' wants me to experience it, there is no other way.
Notice there are still a lot of thoughts about this, try this: When there are a lot of thoughts at any time notice the last thought ''I dont get this and i never will'' for example, keep focussing on it, where is it now? And now? And now? Can you find it? If not can you be thought? Find out/look what is there before, during and after the thought? Dont have expectations, it cannot be experienced by senses or mind in any way, not by something you do in space and time.
Alright take care!
