In here nikam...

[nikam]

do you see it when it's over, or when it is happening or even before it starts ?

Mainely when it is happening and when it is over.
Not really before it starts because it seems the nightmare and the i are one or at least twin brothers.
One may be when i and the nightmare are not seen for what they are. I can't say a dream at the moment, but the perfum of the dream is in the room dreamed.
Twin brothers when the i says it is a nightmare being i in this little square box.

[nikam]

What alerts you that it's happening/happened?

The awareness of the begening of a new strory.

At the moment i feel like biking on a montain made of sand.
Aware of the montain of sand as the mind
Aware of "me" biking" on some strange place, quite not safe for the i
Aware of "biking"as something done
Aware of the fact that the all story can be a dream and there is may be just to look at the right to discover
a wall, jump out and walk on the green grass...but is a story too....

[nikam]

looking back at my last writing about the mountain i just got the feeling that it is still the mind playing...
Look and look again and again at the now, nothing else do to...

[vinceschubert]

Look and look again and again at the now

But don't look with the mind. It only wants to compartmentalize and label everything. It can only create stories.
Look only at first thoughts. Any thoughts that arise from the first thought is bound to be part of a story. First thoughts describe (poorly) experiencing. Consequent thoughts relate to memory and opinions.
There can be no thoughts about what is seen, else it is corrupted.

[nikam]

Look only at first thoughts. Any thoughts that arise from the first thought is bound to be part of a story. First thoughts describe (poorly) experiencing. Consequent thoughts relate to memory and opinions.
There can be no thoughts about what is seen, else it is corrupted.

Thank you Vince, I will look in that way.
At the moment i can't just see a momentary inability to cope, to push myself, as i have done for years in a job that just sounds like a burden. Actually it is probably "deeper" than the feeling connected to the job. Job is story where i put almost all my expectations as fondation for hapinness through doing something meaningful. To go further, i would say that i was aware on subtle way of creating that story in order to find a good reason to be on Earth as a human being.
What i feel today, and it is liberating in a way, is that there is only good reasons to be for the mind.
i look at it with less opinion than i can, just as an event happening. It is just there. A story says escape, another one resists has you have done till now. Intuition is just telling me that freedom is not about choosing an option or another but to let go in the misdt of that grasping, which can hapen or not. It is may wrong but i feel that the I is not in charge of this let go.

[vinceschubert]

i feel that the I is not in charge of this

Good Seeing nikam. Look a little further and tell me is the I is in control of anything or if it is just an idea that it is in charge ?

[nikam]

Look a little further and tell me is the I is in control of anything or if it is just an idea that it is in charge ?

Seems that the mind works by itself, if there is fuel in it, it works, could be because of energy.
Because of this process he is thinking of controling everything, so it is just an idea that he is in charge of the let go, but he is subtle enough to give the feeling that he has the ability to annihilate himself which creates ongoing search in the little square room.
This mind works also strangely because he does not want to die, and creates everything to be exhauted of himself at the same time. Like a person who would love to be and with strong subtle suicidal tendancies at the same time...

Awareness seems to be beyond all that stuff, just a quiet look, always...

"Alwaysness" the time of the click...

Although, writting this i am not so sure about "where" are happening those clicks..I got the feeling that clicks are the permanent back ground (but it is not seen usually) and not the mind as i thought...

[vinceschubert]

Imagine if one day you woke up and found that a radio had been implanted in your head and couldn't be turned off (i have one called tinnitus), would you always listen with attention to the endless outpourings of whatever programme was playing out ?

Seems that the mind works by itself, if there is fuel in it, it works, could be because of energy.

..or momentum. But yes, and the deconditioning of the brain will starve it of fuel, until one day we will refuel it to do useful jobs then turn of the fuel line until it is needed again.
It is paying constant attention to the content of mind that induces fatigue. It is like a spoiled child always wanting. Sometimes it wants contradictory things. That is its' nature. The physical organism can (normally) look after itself quite efficiently and will signal the mind to take a course of action if it needs help. It is ignoring these signals that lead to dis-ease. Trying to find a 'good' way out from excessive demands can add to it. Society accepts illness as a way to get a break, but often demands that post break a return to what caused the 'problem'.
i now do willingly, whatever is in front of me. If a second thing pops up while still engaged in the first thing, i allow circumstances to decide what to do. No blame, no judgements, just (possible) consequences.
i have come to real-ise that there is no choice in deciding what to do. Life-ing takes care of all of that.

[nikam]

Thank you very much Vince.

it is quite an explanation and a testimony... The body is shaking like an tower about to fall because the mind is schoked, stucked, nothing else to say

[vinceschubert]

A good way to get a rest from the mind is to chant or think "Om" (or Aum) for the complete exhalation, listening/feeling the vibration emanating from the throat area. Do this for, say, ten minutes then check the mind and the body for change. (no opinions or judgements though)

[nikam]

A good way to get a rest from the mind is to chant or think "Om" (or Aum) for the complete exhalation, listening/feeling the vibration emanating from the throat area. Do this for, say, ten minutes then check the mind and the body for change. (no opinions or judgements though)

Synchronicity....

i have just read your message Vince.
Synchronicity because i woke up this morning and have chanted 3 times Aum, I haven't done for years..(it is actually by this practice that i had an experience of Unity, but i did not trust THIS in the past because lost in thoughts, in beliefs,in other practices that was told me more efficient for the purification...
I will follow your advice...
Sinchronicity because of a quick check with a friends healer yesterday has confirmed this, too much energy in the mind and working on the sound is the way for me...

[nikam]

Synchronicity is may be a story too...

[vinceschubert]

Synchronicity is may be a story too...

It becomes a story when we talk (think) about it, but it is one of the great pleasures in life. Maybe a mirror that reflects Unity, One-ness. The connectedness of everything.
Love to you nikam.

[nikam]

thanks a lot vince....

it is good to back Om...without doubts... central nervous system needed... Gratitude Vince
chanting, looking for a little while each time
something coming from above when chanting, feeling of calm and expansion while looking. i don't know really what is expanding. may be awareness.
i was thinking to something... what you have realized is may be connected to the openess of a very special area in the brain...which fully alowed to see the i as an illusion...

[vinceschubert]

i don't know really what is expanding

It doesn't matter. Don't try and explain it now. Mind is obsessed with applying meaning and labels, with creating stories. This is a diversion.
Just recognising that change is occurring is enough.

i was thinking to something...

as above...
These stories may turn out to be true or not, but best to stick to direct experiencing for the moment.