In here nikam...

[vinceschubert]

Hi,nikam first a contract.
Are you willing to (try and) post every day ?
to give 120% honesty to yourself and me ?
relate only from your own experiencing, no second hand knowledge, quoting etc.
stop all other seeking type activities for the duration of this ? (reading, viewing, meditating etc.)
Not expect a transfer of knowledge. We are not teachers.
I will ask questions, you will not attempt to answer them for me, you will communicate the response that you experience to me. The questions are to position you to SEE, to DISCOVER, to RECOGNISE something for yourself.
agreed ?

Now, give me a rant on what your expectations are for being here. Your hopes, desires and what you actually expect.

vince

[nikam]

Thank you for your help Vince, I agree.
I need to try…
I am looking for the end of the one who runs and seeks for year...
I felt a bit shaky when I thought about to let go meditation, I use to practice mantras... but I wish to let go that too, I mean the idea behind the practice, in order to get purification, freedom... The one who believes in it…
The practice and the idea are strongly linked because I have learnt and believed that countless yogis of the past got the "cookie" thanks to mantra practices.
I can just see the one who is sitting, seeking, thinking that is good for him because it has been told, but “him” is still there, looking for…
To be honest, I don’t know what meditation is, although I was looking for…
Last night I had a dream, I was in a flat, a contemporary one, everything was clear and clean, I got the feeling also for the place I could not see.
In the dream, I woke up at night about 3 o’clock and checked if the front door was locked, It was, and I double locked it. I went to the bathroom and looked at me in the mirror, and told to myself, you look tired and locked the door of the bathroom, I could see what’s going on bellow the door.
Often life appears like a dream and at the same time I can't really plugged the flow of life…
Here I am...

[vinceschubert]

Ok, please take EVERY question, and as you consider the question, witness the organisms' response. i am much more interested in that, than the answers that the mind believes.
To use the quote function, after clicking reply, just select the text and hit the quote button and it will do this;

I need to try…

and i answer here.
Having established a burning desire for liberation, now is the time to release all effort. Just go with the flow from here on in. Now get this; no amount of work, no reading, viewing, wishing etc will deliver this to you. There is NOTHING that you can do to 'get this'. So you might as well relax and kick back for the ride. Just witness.

I am looking for the end of the one who runs and seeks for year...

That may happen or not. Outcomes are out of our hands. We are not interested in outcomes. We will focus on NOW, always NOW, & NOW.

I felt a bit shaky when I thought about to let go meditation

Good, yes, this is the kind of thing i want to know. (the shaky stuff)
You can go back to meditation when you are through the gate if you still want to.

The one who believes in it…

Is there more than one of you ?

The practice and the idea are strongly linked because I have learnt and believed that countless yogis of the past got the "cookie" thanks to mantra practices.

i have yet to come across anyone who 'got it' directly from meditation. i don't even know anybody who know someone who did. But meditation has other value.

Often life appears like a dream

It is a dream, and you're about to start LUCID dreaming.

Please respond to each of the questions above and comment on anything, ALWAYS from your own experiencing. (not memories of past experiences - current experiencing.) No theory or philosophy.

[nikam]

Having established a burning desire for liberation, now is the time to release all effort. Just go with the flow from here on in. Now get this; no amount of work, no reading, viewing, wishing etc will deliver this to you. There is NOTHING that you can do to 'get this'. So you might as well relax and kick back for the ride.

Thank you for you words it helps a lot :)[quote][/quote]

[nikam]

That may happen or not. Outcomes are out of our hands. We are not interested in outcomes. We will focus on NOW, always NOW, & NOW.

Just after reading you answer I felt calmer almost empty of thought for few seconds. I have noticed that I can get back to this "quiet place" if I am thinking to it. If I go deeper at some point there is a feeling of little vertigo. It is both pleasant and unpleasant. There is a feeling of vastness and at some point fear is appearing and a shaky feeling inside the body, mainly in the chest, the solar plexus, the belly.

[nikam]

Good, yes, this is the kind of thing i want to know. (the shaky stuff)
You can go back to meditation when you are through the gate if you still want to.

By reading your answer gain the same process than discribed above but summed up in few seconds

[nikam]

Is there more than one of you ?

I don't think so, I hope not...:) It was a way to put some distance I think, to discribe things more from a witness point of view, not really a good way may be...

[nikam]

The practice and the idea are strongly linked because I have learnt and believed that countless yogis of the past got the "cookie" thanks to mantra practices.
i have yet to come across anyone who 'got it' directly from meditation. i don't even know anybody who know someone who did. But meditation has other value.

Trully, It is quite someting what you have written. It's a relief too :) THANK YOU
I won't ask you now why nobody "got it" thanks to meditation because it will open the door of my endless questions...

[nikam]

It is a dream, and you're about to start LUCID dreaming.

Great :)

[vinceschubert]

felt calmer almost empty of thought for few seconds.

beautiful.
Now answer this from observation only. Observe experiencing. Go into this place again and witness then answer with your response.
In this 'place' is there any I anywhere ?

at some point fear is appearing and a shaky feeling inside the body

Welcome this. Ask it what it is trying to protect you from. Answer with the first thought that arises.
Go into that deeper state that brought on the fear sensation and ask.

[nikam]

Now answer this from observation only. Observe experiencing. Go into this place again and witness then answer with your response.
In this 'place' is there any I anywhere ?

I had a big headache when I have asked the question, thinking that it woud be an obstacle. I finally asked to whom belongs this headache and about 20 seconds later, having forgoten the question, there was a plug in "the nobody's place" There was no I for about 2 seconds in a deeper way than yesterday...


Ask it what it is trying to protect you from. Answer with the first thought that arises.
Go into that deeper state that brought on the fear sensation and ask.

The first thought was more an awareness of a huge nostalgia...
The fear is trying to protect me from a full abandonment...

[vinceschubert]

The first thought was more an awareness of a huge nostalgia...
The fear is trying to protect me from a full abandonment...

Very good.
Two things arise from this response;
1/ That the fear is based on illusory consequences. i.e. that there will be overwhelming emotion. There may or may not be that, but either way will be fine.
2/ That a Surrender, a willing acceptance is a viable portal for you to realise the nature of reality.

nikam, having seen that there is no I in this 'place', can you see that the I that appears real, is in fact a concept ? that it is a useful (and often useless) story ?
What is your experiential response when i say "there is no actual I, and never was. There has always only been a story ABOUT nikam, which was taken as real. It was believed in." ?

[nikam]

1/ That the fear is based on illusory consequences. i.e. that there will be overwhelming emotion. There may or may not be that, but either way will be fine.
2/ That a Surrender, a willing acceptance is a viable portal for you to realise the nature of reality.

Quite big things too...Thank you Vince for telling me.


nikam, having seen that there is no I in this 'place', can you see that the I that appears real, is in fact a concept ? that it is a useful (and often useless) story ?

At the moment I can have a little intuition of an I as a creation being there for no reason, appearing from nothing and going in nothing... Mainly useless story...yes...



What is your experiential response when i say "there is no actual I, and never was. There has always only been a story ABOUT nikam, which was taken as real. It was believed in." ?


At first a smile, subbtle joy, going deeper, peace, and for few seconds sweet love. Going back from that "place", I still feel the story although I feel less identification with "my own life"... There is mainly a kind of subtle mix-switch between the story,the witness and a feeling of contacting life through nothing...I can stay much longer in the switch seeing-hearing eyes wide open wherever I am...

[vinceschubert]

Morning nikam.
To use the quote function, (after clicking reply) just select (highlight) the text that you want to quote and hit the quote button. It doesn't matter if you don't get it - it's just convenience.

Wow, you are sliding quickly into this. It is the brain rewiring itself. New neuronal connections that allow you to consider reality without the stories that have been conditioned in you.

I can stay much longer in the switch

Be relaxed with this. It's not a special place, it is what is underneath the mind induced distortion. It always has been there, just camouflaged by belief in the story.
As we let go of identification with the old story (the story itself still has uses occasionally) we need to be awake to the possibility of a new story being developed to identify with.
You can know a story is happening the moment you catch yourself with opinions, or when you say "I am...."
All beliefs are story.
You are just relaxing into seeing reality clearly (perhaps) for the first time since you were an infant.
Since yesterday, has there been more SEEing of how the story of nikam originated? How did it begin ?

[nikam]

Wow, you are sliding quickly into this. It is the brain rewiring itself. New neuronal connections that allow you to consider reality without the stories that have been conditioned in you.

Ohh I see... It is working a lot inside the head indeed...
I hope not to make story about that, and not creating a state that I could think it is almost empty while it is not... Actually no easy to assess, to know...