Looking for a guide

[LanieRO]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this? What I think of as "me" is actually a collection of conditioning, habits, coping strategies, and biological processes that my brain has created an illusion of ownership around. It takes the contents of the thoughts and sensations personally and attempts to control them, creating suffering.

What are you looking for at LU? I want to wake up to my true nature. I have been entirely alone on my spiritual path for a longtime and have an instinctive feeling that it's time to change that and connect meaningfully with others and actively participate in a community.

What do you expect from a guided conversation? More personalized guidance - I've been relying on serendipity from the Youtube algorithm and I think I need more now. Also, I suspect I need the uncomfortable experience of someone pointing out my blind spots.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry? I've been a meditator for about six years, and interested in non-duality for about six months. My main influences have been Angelo DiLullo and Pernille's Awakening Curriculum. I'm working on fetter 4 at the moment.

I have had some glimpses of subject/object breaking down and where the feeling is that everything is happening in awareness. It feels like I don't own the grief or anxiety I feel; they're just happening. This is not a sustained state, but I've been popping into it with increased frequency, but still usually when meditating. I also do a lot of walking meditation and can pop into a state where sensory perceptions flow, without thought. This doesn't happen very consistently.

I've done a ton of shadow work and also practice TRE.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[poppyseed]

Hi LanieRO
(what do you want me to call you?)

Welcome to Liberation Unleashed :)! It’s great to see you here!
My name is Rali, and I’ll be glad to be your guide if you like.

Here at LU we assist in the exploration of the idea of the separate self. This is a guiding based on experience that brings a shift in perception and is not a debate. It directly points to what IS through the use of exercises, questions and dialogue. What is expected from you is to LOOK carefully to what is being pointed at. It is this simple LOOKING (not thinking) that brings a shift in perception.

Here, we are LOOKING directly into the experience of the senses, which is actually here and now, with the thinking stripped away. It is also known as Direct Experience (DE) or Actual Experience (AE). In this way, we are aiming to discover what is truly happening without the story we tell ourselves. For this process to work you have to answer with 100% honesty, and not relying on thought, imagination or memory - just reporting your direct experience. That would also mean leaving spiritual teachings, philosophies and science away during the inquiry. If you have a meditation practice, please feel free to continue with it as usual – it might come helpful.

Please read through “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Please confirm that you have read them
http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

When replying to a question, please use the quote function to highlight the question being answered. Throughout this inquiry, please answer questions individually, not in a bundle. Please watch the below video to learn how to use the Quote function. This will assist us in having a clear dialogue around the questions and answers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fAToDNh9hQ

It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. It will save you time in the long run, if a glitch in the system wipes out your answer.

For the sake of the intensity of the inquiry let’s try to stick to a daily conversation. Of course, life happens, so if you need more time, please let me know. I will do as well.

What time zone are you in?
Love
Rali

[LanieRO]

Hi Rali,

Excited to get started!

what do you want me to call you?

Alana or Lanie - either is fine!

Please read through “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Please confirm that you have read them

Yup - no questions. :)

What time zone are you in?

PST

[poppyseed]

Hi Lanie

Please make sure that you are subscribed to your topic. In the top left corner, next to "Post Reply" there is an icon that looks like a spanner. When you click on it there is a menu where you can select “subscribe topic’. Click on it once. If you want to be sure that you are subscribed just refresh the page and if you click again should show now “ unsubscribe topic”. Don’t click on it as it will unsubscribe you :).

PST

I'm GMT+2. We have a bit of a difference but we’ll manage

Excited to get started!

Great!

First things first, let’s get your expectations out on in the open:

1. What will be different when you realize there’s no separate self?

2. What do you expect to happen as a result of this?

3. What do you want not to happen?

4. What are you hoping for?

5. What is missing?

Love
Rali

[LanieRO]

Hi Rali, 

Thanks for the questions; I was looking forward to hearing from you! 

1. What will be different when you realize there’s no separate self?

I take myself personally sometimes, which is a bit painful. In recognizing no-self, I anticipate there being peace brough to my tendency to try and be better than others or feeling like I'm worse than others. That compulsive worrying attempt at ranking myself will hopefully quiet, along with the deep sense of insecurity that accompanies this. 

Right now, there's a lot of suffering, and I can see that (much of) it is because of resistance to reality. My husband has a terminal illness and I see no-self as helping me be with what is, directly, rather than constantly distracting, numbing, or getting lost in my own "coping" mechanisms. I'd really like to be able to be present with this, and be present with him without needing to distract. 

2. What do you expect to happen as a result of this?

I think my relationships will improve as I won't feel threatened by others or take their behavior personally. I also think this will help me stop trying to control others and just accept them as they are and let them be. 

I also feel a strong desire to control my husband's disease, his symptoms, and his death. I expect realizing no-self will cause me to let go of this and let whatever needs to happen, happen. 

3. What do you want not to happen?

I don't want to lose my filter or lose sensitivity to the identities of others. As I lose attachment to my own identity, I'm really concerned about losing concern for the claimed identities of others. 

I don't want to become boring or unmotivated. 

This is probably an irrational fear, but I'm concerned about being unrelatable or annoying from trying to "convert" others. I think this might be because I don't have a good mental template for what no-self is like, so I predict based on my current understanding.

4. What are you hoping for?

I'm hoping for peace with myself and my relationships, and an unconditional acceptance of what is and a complete acceptance that it couldn't be any other way. I'm hoping for acceptance of death, and a loss of fear surrounding this. 

5. What is missing?

I don't think anything is missing - it's the opposite; there's too many thoughts, assumptions, constructs and beliefs in the way. 

[poppyseed]

Hi Lanie

Thank you for your honesty! It can be challenging to become aware of what we really believe. The questions were a means to seeing what expectations you have, as everyone has some “idea” about awakening. There is so much information out there now with so many people sharing their experiences, and “teachers” preaching how it supposed to look and feel, that to have no expectations is almost impossible.

Your expectations are somewhat reasonable, but ultimately, expectations are a hindrance. They cling to an idea of how it is supposed to go, which is not necessarily correct, and this is why I asked you to read the FAQ’s of what Liberation Unleashed is NOT. When realisation happens, it can be very subtle and if there are expectations of any kind, then it can be missed and the guiding becomes very difficult. That is why having a "beginner's mind" could be quite handy. I can promise you there will be no fireworks; it is just a subtle shift in perception! The only true expectation, that you can have, is that the seeking will end. If there are any other expectations, it's good to acknowledge them and then set them aside. It is all much simpler and ordinary. Is that OK with you?

My husband has a terminal illness and I see no-self as helping me be with what is, directly, rather than constantly distracting, numbing, or getting lost in my own "coping" mechanisms. I'd really like to be able to be present with this, and be present with him without needing to distract.

I’m sorry to hear that! And yes you are right, true seeing of no self doesn’t change anything – just removes an “unnecessary” filter/layer over what is happening.
In this process, being with your husband and creating space for his reality, without trying to escape the discomfort in yourself, becomes/is a profound experience of non-selfing. The focus remains on the experience, on the sensory experience that is right now, where there is no assumption about anything.

I don't want to lose my filter or lose sensitivity to the identities of others. As I lose attachment to my own identity, I'm really concerned about losing concern for the claimed identities of others.
This is probably an irrational fear, but I'm concerned about being unrelatable or annoying from trying to "convert" others. I think this might be because I don't have a good mental template for what no-self is like, so I predict based on my current understanding.
I don't want to become boring or unmotivated.

Do you expect that somehow you are going to turn into a zombie or a vegetable? Life expresses itself and "we" are part of this expression. In some way, we get the idea that we are life and we dictate what is happening, we think, we do things and we need protection but when we examine this closely, we see it for what it is - just a mirage, an illusion. There is no doer and thinker. Things are just happening.

You probably believed in Santa when you were little. There was magic and joy, and love, and giving, and caring. When you realised that Santa is not real, did Christmas change? Did the spirit of Christmas disappear or just the belief in Santa?

Let’s examine this carefully. Fear/resistance, as I mentioned, serves to protect the imaginary self from harm. In this case it protects “you” from changing and losing your “humanity” (emotions). But let’s be clear here… why would the absence of something that has NEVER existed cause a change in existing stuff? How can an illusion have experiences/lack of them? An illusion is an illusion. It has never existed and it never will…

Now… If you look for the I, what is there? If I say there’s no doer, thinker, experiencer, decision maker, or a witness, what comes up? Where exactly did you look? What exactly did you find? Please describe in detail what appears – feelings, sensations, thoughts, anything?

Do it a few times. Again the more you uncover, the better starting point we have. Whatever comes up is "right", it is exactly what needs to be seen right now. As usual, honesty will make this work

Love
Rali

[LanieRO]

Hi again Rali, 

Thanks for such a thoughtful response here; much appreciated. 🙂 I take it I make a point to answer questions in blue? Some resonate more than others and have much more detail - for the ones that don't resonate, is leaving them short (or even skipping them) okay? 

If there are any other expectations, it's good to acknowledge them and then set them aside. It is all much simpler and ordinary. Is that OK with you?

Good advice. 

Do you expect that somehow you are going to turn into a zombie or a vegetable?

I don't think a zombie or a vegetable, but I am a little unmotivated. My motivation seems to be based on fear / people pleasing and I worry without those, I won't necessarily do things... maybe the no self will get stuff done... 

When you realised that Santa is not real, did Christmas change? Did the spirit of Christmas disappear or just the belief in Santa?

I actually never believed in Santa (my parents that it was demonic) but I take your point. 

Fear/resistance, as I mentioned, serves to protect the imaginary self from harm. In this case it protects “you” from changing and losing your “humanity” (emotions). But let’s be clear here… why would the absence of something that has NEVER existed cause a change in existing stuff? How can an illusion have experiences/lack of them?

I really like this. I've been feeling a lot of resistance towards some areas of my life that are full of suffering, and that resistance is protecting an illusion. I can understand this cognitively, but not on a gut level. There's another layer I think - in dealing with the grief of losing my husband, I'm wondering what is being lost. It's all well and good to realize no-self for myself, but feels much harder to potentially say that might be true about someone I love, which in turn calls it into question for myself. 

If you look for the I, what is there? If I say there’s no doer, thinker, experiencer, decision maker, or a witness, what comes up? Where exactly did you look? What exactly did you find? Please describe in detail what appears – feelings, sensations, thoughts, anything?

I have a sense that my eye is attempting to look at the back of its own eyeball in order to verify this. It's a little uncomfortable, in a contortionist type of way. Or it feels like a dog chasing its tail. Sometimes the dog catches her tail, and is confused and hobbles around weirdly, and nothing actually releases or lets go. 

I've really recently become aware of my mind reflexively checking in with a thing that feels like a whiteboard and is located behind my eyes. So I write this, and as I write, I check in with what the whiteboard "thinks" - it's like a ping pong ball bouncing off it. Any stimulus bounces off the whiteboard - a nice tree, a barking dog needs to be "checked in" or "logged" or something. For some reason my eyes physically move along with this, usually downward. 

When meditating, I often ask who the whiteboard is. Sometimes all the brain chatter goes silent with the question, and sometimes it feels like the whiteboard looks for a bigger and better whiteboard that has the answer. 

Thanks again - I really enjoyed answering these. 🙂

[poppyseed]

Hi Lanie
I'm glad you are having fun :)

I take it I make a point to answer questions in blue? Some resonate more than others and have much more detail - for the ones that don't resonate, is leaving them short (or even skipping them) okay?

Yeah, some will resonate more than others and that is a matter of conditioning. What it is important is to answer all, no matter how you feel about them. It’s about the “blind spots” as you called them. So please if you see “?” or even ‘?”, answer it. These are pointers and answering them gives me feedback

I have a sense that my eye is attempting to look at the back of its own eyeball in order to verify this. It's a little uncomfortable, in a contortionist type of way. Or it feels like a dog chasing its tail. Sometimes the dog catches her tail, and is confused and hobbles around weirdly, and nothing actually releases or lets go.

I've really recently become aware of my mind reflexively checking in with a thing that feels like a whiteboard and is located behind my eyes. So I write this, and as I write, I check in with what the whiteboard "thinks" - it's like a ping pong ball bouncing off it. Any stimulus bounces off the whiteboard - a nice tree, a barking dog needs to be "checked in" or "logged" or something. For some reason my eyes physically move along with this, usually downward.

When meditating, I often ask who the whiteboard is. Sometimes all the brain chatter goes silent with the question, and sometimes it feels like the whiteboard looks for a bigger and better whiteboard that has the answer.

If you feel tension when trying to look at what is, you are trying too hard. Stop trying. Looking is a matter of noticing what is already here, not inventing or imagining something that needs a huge amount of energy to sustain.
So before we start let’s just make sure that you understand how to LOOK for no self in the exercises:
Looking is finding out what is true in experience. It is a nonverbal action of focusing attention on a target. Thinking is verbal—it is naming experience/describing it. Both work together as one mechanism. If you can’t see for yourself, you cannot describe it in your own words (but you can attempt to describe it using someone else’s words, from memory).

So there is a BIG difference between knowing that there is nothing and seeing that there is nothing.
Here is an example to illustrate the difference:

If I ask you what colour socks you are wearing right now you have two ways to answer:
1. You can think about it, trying to remember, or guessing what colour they are.
2. You can have a look at your socks and see what colour they ACTUALLY are!
You will agree that only by looking you could be 100% certain, right?

For the purpose of this inquiry, it is crucial that you are clear about this difference in the two ways of answering and stick only to the second way. We are only interested in looking at and seeing what is actually going on. We are only interested in Direct (Actual) Experience (DE/AE)- the experience right now and right here.

Direct or Actual Experience is:

Seeing
Hearing
Feeling (not emotion - emotion is sensation plus thoughts/labels)
Tasting
Smelling
Thoughts Arising (but not their content, what the thought is ABOUT)

Please let me know if you are clear about this or if you would like any further clarification.
Here's an exercise for you to get super clear on what direct experience is. You can use this photo of an apple or a real apple.



Have a look at an apple. When ‘looking at an apple’, there's colour, a thought saying ‘apple,' and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple." What about the content of thoughts, what they describe? While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT cannot be found in direct or actual experience. Direct, actual experience is sound, thought, colour(sight), smell, taste and sensation.

Taste labelled ‘apple’ is known
Colour (visual information) labelled ‘apple’ is known
Sensation labelled ‘apple’ is known (when apple is touched)
Smell labelled ‘apple’ is known
Thought about/of an ‘apple’ is known
However, is 'an apple' actually known? (Or is it just a label?) Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only colour and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’? Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?
Love
Rali

[LanieRO]

Hi Rali, 

Hope your week has been going well! It's Friday evening in Canada and starting to turn a bit chilly. Hope it's still nice in South Africa. 

You will agree that only by looking you could be 100% certain, right?

Yes of course. 

You also mentioned that if there's too much tension or I'm trying too hard that's a problem - my intuition was leading me that direction too. However, I think when we use the word "looking" that has two meanings - one would be looking at the colour of your socks, or to see if it's raining. Another would be the type of looking for something hard to see, like a rare bird in the forest or for a dropped contact. Some types of looking are basically glancing and are effortless, and other types require focus and concentration. There's a challenge in being focused and not developing tension. 

However, is 'an apple' actually known? (Or is it just a label?) Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only colour and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’? Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

'Apple' is just a label and a convenience of language. Apple is a concept that doesn't reflect our direct experience. 

[poppyseed]

Hi Lanie

Hope your week has been going well! It's Friday evening in Canada and starting to turn a bit chilly. Hope it's still nice in South Africa.

As we are at the other side of the world, we are in fully blown spring/summer. That’s my favourite season when everything is so freshly green and life is in a rush to come back :)

'Apple' is just a label and a convenience of language. Apple is a concept that doesn't reflect our direct experience.

Yes, “apple” is a thought/label that points to sensations, taste, smell, and colour, but there is no an actual apple as an “object”. “Object” is another general label/thought that points to just hearing (sound), seeing (colour), feeling (sensation), smelling (smell), and tasting (taste). Clear?

You also mentioned that if there's too much tension or I'm trying too hard that's a problem - my intuition was leading me that direction too. However, I think when we use the word "looking" that has two meanings - one would be looking at the colour of your socks, or to see if it's raining. Another would be the type of looking for something hard to see, like a rare bird in the forest or for a dropped contact. Some types of looking are basically glancing and are effortless, and other types require focus and concentration. There's a challenge in being focused and not developing tension.

There is a difference between looking at and looking for. What we are trying to see here is what is actually here – there is the experience of the five senses and whatever is not the senses is thought/description. By looking at what is here we also notice what is NOT. Does that help?
When I say “look,” I don’t mean search. I don’t mean strain.
I mean: check what is here, right now.
Example: Close your eyes. Notice the sensation in your left hand. That’s looking.
No effort, no focus, no rare bird. Just noticing what’s already obvious.
Right now—do it.
Tell me what you found in the left hand. Raw sensation only. Not the word “hand,” not an idea—just what’s actually there.
Just to ensure that you are crystal clear about DE and labels related to it...here's an exercise that you can try as many times throughout the day as you can. Label daily activities, objects and emotions simply as colour/image, sound, smell, taste, sensation, thought as per the apple example.
For example, when having coffee in the morning, become aware of:
Seeing a cup, simply= colour (seeing)
Smelling coffee, simply = smell (smelling)
Feeling the warmth of the coffee cup, simply = sensation (feeling)
Tasting the coffee, simply = taste (tasting)
Hearing the spoon stirring the coffee, simply = sound (hearing)
Thought about drinking the coffee, simply = thought (thinking)

Break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists EXACTLY like the one above. Please write a few examples from your daily life.
Love
Rali

[LanieRO]

Hi again,

Got some more answers for you! I sure appreciate your time. :)

There is a difference between looking at and looking for. What we are trying to see here is what is actually here – there is the experience of the five senses and whatever is not the senses is thought/description. By looking at what is here we also notice what is NOT. Does that help?

Yeah, I think so.

Some of the issue might be the different levels of precision of looking, based on different states of the mind. For example, if I look for the sensations in my toes right now, I feel warmth, some gentle tingling, a bit of air flow. But if I'm meditating, I can notice a lot more and go a lot deeper. But I'm not actually looking FOR those sensations, I'm still just looking AT my feet but noticing more due to less perceptual clutter. Right?

Break down daily activities into these categories (which are all Actual/Direct Experience) and report back with lists EXACTLY like the one above. Please write a few examples from your daily life.

I think this is quite clear for me too. I often get the sensation when walking or biking that the world is coming towards me and really notice how a tree is constantly changing form as I move forward.

Some examples:

Biking
Seeing - the shifting shape of the road (movement), relative speeds of others
Smelling - trees, fumes
feeling - wind on my face and fingers, cold
hearing - wind in my ears, squeaky bike chain
thought - does the car see me, stop sign, who is behind me, changing gears, stop

doing dishes
seeing - the dishes, white, blue, some grime thats brown or yellow or green, the sponge, the sink - colours, textures
smelling - orange scented soap, an old dish rag, the remains of soup
feeling - warm water, hard dishes, hard bits getting stuck under my fingernail, pressure from scrubbing
hearing - water running, dishes clanging in the sink, the scrubby rubbing against something hard, a ticking sound from trying to remove something baked on
thought - i always do the dishes, ewww, too hot, good enough

[poppyseed]

Hi Lanie

You’re getting close—closer than the mind can tolerate.

Some of the issue might be the different levels of precision of looking, based on different states of the mind. For example, if I look for the sensations in my toes right now, I feel warmth, some gentle tingling, a bit of air flow. But if I'm meditating, I can notice a lot more and go a lot deeper. But I'm not actually looking FOR those sensations, I'm still just looking AT my feet but noticing more due to less perceptual clutter. Right?

I think this is quite clear for me too.

This is not about “understanding.”
Drop that. Thinking clarity is not clarity. Don’t report from the head. Don’t summarize. Don’t analyse. Cut straight to the what is here. Tell me what’s undeniably here when you stop for a second, right now. Pause. Don’t explain it. Don’t dress it up. Just: what’s here?
“Looking for” = there’s a goal, a seeker, a fantasy future.
“Looking at” = raw experience. Unfiltered. Alive. Undeniable.

Biking
Seeing - the shifting shape of the road (movement), relative speeds of others
Smelling - trees, fumes
feeling - wind on my face and fingers, cold
hearing - wind in my ears, squeaky bike chain
thought - does the car see me, stop sign, who is behind me, changing gears, stop

Your examples are perfect. That is direct experience. And when you notice the mind saying “does the car see me?”, that’s the self-image in motion—seeker mode, protection mode, the avatar of “me” returning to narrate the moment.
The reason behind these exercises is to see the discrepancy between the story and what is really happening in DE. On the one side you have what thought narrates and on the other the actual raw experience, like in the apple example. There are no objects, these are just labels pointing to raw experience. There is no what is happening to them - this is just an interpretation of/ a story about DE. Clear?
Thought description, simply = raw experience

the shifting shape of the road (movement), simply = colour (seeing)
fumes of cars, the scent of trees, simply = smell (smelling)
squeaky bike chain, simply = sound (hearing)
wind on my face and fingers, simply = sensation (feeling)
does the car see me, simply = thought (thinking)

I’d want a couple more daily activities, broken down with that precision. Notice when thought enters to narrate, what it says and what the body does.

You’re not on a journey anymore. That’s fantasy. You’re not “getting closer.” That’s hope. Just burn the map and report the terrain. No conclusions. No summaries:
Are you seeing this?
If not—what exactly is in the way right now?
That's what we need. Tell me.
Love
Rali

[LanieRO]

Hi Rali, 

Interesting that you said "closer than the mind can tolerate" - the signs of mental discomfort seem pretty minimal, from what i can see... but perhaps that's another expectation that I should set aside. :)

what’s here?

Right now
Sensation - relaxed, soft bed, blankets, itching, tight throat, thirst, head tension, sneeze pressure 
Sounds - long low drone (traffic), chirping, coughing, 
Sights - low light (morning), blue blankets, glaring light (laptop) 
Smell - not working today
Thoughts - Need a tissue, wow, sunny out, feeling a bit better 

a couple more daily activities, broken down with that precision. Notice when thought enters to narrate, what it says and what the body does

I went for a long walk today with the reminders of direct experience and not trying - I was able to stay in the flow of things in a much more direct way, and for a lot longer than when there's more effort. 

Sensation - cold air (hands, neck, face), light wind, sun on my face, squinting, 
Sounds - cawing, squawking, chirping, my foot steps, my breathing, water sounds, other foot steps, different gaits/rhythms, some heavy, some light, some very squeaky and rubbery sounding, rocks bumping, drone of airplanes
Sights - light reflecting off water, wet rocks, wet plants, so many shades of green, brown, blue, and gray, things in peripheral vision passing by, the path coming closer to me, 
Thoughts - reminders to direct experience / no effort, a song in my head, temptation to narrate experiences, temptation to add story, especially to what it looks like dogs are experiencing. 

Sometimes the labels (listed above) appear, sometimes they don't and it's just flow. I can turn down the volume on thoughts quite a bit - I can still hear them but attention is elsewhere, and can be sustained with minimal effort. Then a more interesting thought / story will catch my attention, but I can usually drop it fairly quickly, although sometimes I don't. There are also certain thoughts that are stickier than others and harder to drop. These are more likely to come up if I've been in the flow for a while and my mind would like to be out of it. When one of these thoughts comes up, I feel perhaps a sense of "grasping" it in the body, although I might be less aware and it's a bit harder to see how the body responds.


Drinking tea
Sensations - heat, hard cup, warm hands, mug texture, liquid, warm mouth and throat, steam in my nose, 
Smell/taste - tingling, spices, 
Sights - yellow, moving, steam, bobbing tea bag
Thoughts - thirst, hot

Are you seeing this?
If not—what exactly is in the way right now?

Yes. Relaxing effort made a big difference. 

I can stay in it when I'm relaxed and mentally sharp. It's harder if I'm heading to an appointment or if I'm tired or stressed, even a little. 

[poppyseed]

Hi Lanie
Wonderful looking!!

Now let’s start using the looking to check things that have been taken for granted…

Sometimes the labels (listed above) appear, sometimes they don't and it's just flow. I can turn down the volume on thoughts quite a bit - I can still hear them but attention is elsewhere, and can be sustained with minimal effort. Then a more interesting thought / story will catch my attention, but I can usually drop it fairly quickly, although sometimes I don't. There are also certain thoughts that are stickier than others and harder to drop. These are more likely to come up if I've been in the flow for a while and my mind would like to be out of it. When one of these thoughts comes up, I feel perhaps a sense of "grasping" it in the body, although I might be less aware and it's a bit harder to see how the body responds.

Let’s focus the looking on thinking and controlling thoughts…

For the next exercise I want you to sit somewhere quiet and observe thoughts.
A thought appears.
In that moment is there anyone or anything which recognises the thought or is being aware of it? (If yes, provide description please)
Can you see anything that is separate from the thought and does the thinking?
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear? Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead? Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay? Can the flow of thoughts be changed?
Where do thoughts appear from? Where are they coming from and going to? Do they appear randomly or in a structured way? Watch like a hawk.

Write down a sequence of 5 thoughts in the order that they appear. Now check:
Could you predict the order of their appearance?
Did you know which will be the second or the fourth?
Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing? Can you stop thinking a thought in the middle? How long does that last? Test it for the fun of exploration.
It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organised sequence. Or is it just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that "one thought follows another thought"?

Are thoughts 100% true?
What are you, when you don't think about what you are?
Have fun playing with these! As usual honesty will make this work.
Love
Rali

[LanieRO]

Hi Rali,

This one was a bit harder! I feel like I have the "wrong" answers but am being as honest as I can about what's going on.

In that moment is there anyone or anything which recognises the thought or is being aware of it? (If yes, provide description please)
Can you see anything that is separate from the thought and does the thinking?
Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear? Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead? Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?
Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?
Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

It looks like the thought thinks itself. A thought just appears in consciousness, from nowhere (although some thoughts are in a train attached to previous thoughts). I don't see a thinker; I see an autonomous structure doing thought and responding to thought. I can't find someone directing the thought. 

Things in the environment can influence thoughts - hearing scary music might make it more likely to have fearful thoughts if I'm walking home in the dark later - and also body states or feelings might make certain types of thoughts more likely to come up. 

Thoughts seem like just a habit. Many of my thoughts are alarmingly similar and thought chains seem to take me to only a handful of different mental locations. 

Is there anything that is responsible for the thoughts like a traffic cop saying which one to go and which one to stay? Can the flow of thoughts be changed?
Where do thoughts appear from? Where are they coming from and going to? Do they appear randomly or in a structured way? Watch like a hawk.

Thoughts seem to appear and then fade. If given attention they often stay longer, but otherwise they'll fade quickly. Sometimes body states affect this - for example, if the body feels anxious, thoughts will come quickly and often, and the more anxious ones feel sticky and hard to disconnect from attention.