I do like the positive slant. Lots of work to be done eh.
Well, yes and no. There is no one there doing the work. There is however a unique set of conditioning responding to life and that set of conditioning seems to be gradually noticing where experience is constricted. In the noticing, there is an opportunity to unclench by seeing clearly what is happening. So there seems to be a “process” of deconditioning, which can be experienced as work.
Its hard though when one day you feel like life is just unfolding the way its supposed to and the next day I am needing to consciously remind myself that what is happening belongs and that there is no self at the center of things.
Life isn’t supposed to unfold in any particular way. It unfolds as it unfolds. When there is a belief in a story of a self, life can feel like it is unfolding in a way that it is happening to us, but if one were to step back and take an impersonal perspective, life is just happening spontaneously and its only in the story that it is happening in the context of a self.
If there was an earthquake for example, and you weren’t there, you might look at the earthquake as a natural spontaneous happening of life, but if you were there during the earthquake and it impacted your experience, you would probably look at the earthquake as something negative that happened to you. Can you feel into the difference?
I guess its just about recognizing that frustration is present and no one is frustrated. Its just thoughts and sensations.
When reading this, it sounds a little like you might be trying to bypass the feeling of frustration by saying there is no one here to be frustrated. I am open to my interpretation being off here, but in case it’s not, I would invite you to go straight into the feeling of frustration and feel it, without the the label of frustration and the story attached to it. Without trying to figure out what it is or why it is there. Without trying to solve it in any way.
Reading the gateless gatecrashers though is a bit of a double pronged sword. It gives me some insights into how others have gotten over barriers for themselves. While at the same time when they describe how they feel after they have seen clearly through the illusion of self they experience a change in their perception that is very different from how they felt before.
Do you recognize that however one interprets other peoples experience is going to be wrong? And that by interpreting and comparing it to what is experienced there will set up an expectation of looking for something else than what is directly experienced in the present moment? During our conversation, you have shared shifts and changes in your experience as well, but there seems to be an expectation that it will stay “light” forever. It won’t. Both “pleasant” and “unpleasant” sensations will come and go, but identification with those sensations might gradually dissolve.
Stay with what is. Whatever that looks like. Allow it. Welcome it. There is no need to interpret it. If you find your attention fixating on thoughts about it, the new conditioning will likely present a reminder to move attention from thoughts to the open and empty space those sensations arise. Stay there!
I have had glimpses of this but like I said it doesn't always flow that way instinctively for me. In fact it is less frequent then my default state.I do not experience a natural sense of ease that I believe to be permanent. So this creates doubt in my mind that there has been a permanent shift.
I do feel like the programming is helping. I am remembering often to question the sense of I or me and then watching the thoughts which were present just drift away.
What does a permanent shift look like? Yes, there might be an experience of getting sucked into thoughts, but can it ever go back to before when the thoughts that bring you back to direct experience, never happened? Hasn’t there been a permanent shift that eventually brings attention back to presence?
Is it true though that there is a sense of this calmness behind the thoughts that becomes apparent when I recognize the thoughts as just thoughts and they fall away?
If this is true then is this the felt experience that the other gatecrashers are feeling?
I don’t know what is true for you or other gatecrashers. I don’t know anything to be true, other than what’s in direct experience here. There can be thoughts in the background, thoughts in the foreground. A sense of calmness and intense sensations passing through. The difference for me since “awakening” so to speak, is that there was less and less identification with experience, and less and less thoughts or sensations that stick. That didn’t happen overnight after it became clear that there is no self, but with the clarity of there not being a self here, I had a set of tools, so to speak to notice when I was “selfing” and see things for what they are in direct experience, without a personal story of it happening to anyone.
I hope this helps. 😊
Also, a friend of mine hosts Zoom group meetings where people from all over the world come together to share and discuss personal experiences related to seeking and awakening.
I think it could be really fruitful for you to join and see what it’s all about. The meetings are free, and there’s no pressure to share or even turn on your camera, though it’s always welcomed if you feel like participating. It’s a supportive space to connect, listen, and explore.
There is a meetup every friday 8am (Sydney Australia time)
There is also one every Saturday at 9pm (Sydney Asutralia time)
One each Monday 7am (Sydney Asutralia time)
And one each Wednesday at 4pm (Sydney Asutralia time)
Arriving late and leaving early is fine.
You can convert time zones here;
https://www.worldtimebuddy.com
This is the link to join the zoom meetings:
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86991485768?p ... 12Um5DQT09
Meeting ID: 869 9148 5768
Passcode: 083035