Halfway There;-)

[Lennie]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
That the personality structure is made up out of thoughts and conditioning.

What are you looking for at LU?
I am reading a lot, but I feel like I get lost in all the information lately. Also I feel like I have to pay attention to this subject the whole day.
Also I heard from a friend when he had his awakening around 10 years ago, that LU really helped him with that. Before LU he was just seeking and seeking and I kinda feel the same right now.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I don't wanna read 20 more books to really understand this subject. I also feel like there's no one to talk about this subject, let alone guide me..
To have someone where I can drop questions or whatever, will probably will understand all this a bit faster and prevent being a seeker again

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I feel like i've been seeking so many years, but wasn't totally aware of that. I was so identified with everything.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 10

[ty0]

Hey Lennie, Tyler here :)


Stop picking up more information, that's all crap. What kind of questions do you have? Do you even know what you're seeking?

[Lennie]

I feel like I am deeply identified with all the roles I play here. I also constantly experience a sense of restlessness in everything I do. It's never good enough, and my 'happiness' always seems to lie in the future. When I first heard about Advaita a few years ago, I completely rejected it—so much resistance. But over the past few months, it has come back into my life, and it resonates more than ever. However, I now feel like I’m once again striving towards something, and I think I might be missing the point because of that. Do you understand what I mean?

[Lennie]

Hé Tyler,

Today i've read some wonderful guided conversations and at the same time I realize I can't do this in english. If I really want to see through the illusion I have to be guided in Dutch. Can you help me with that?

Greets

[ty0]

However, I now feel like I’m once again striving towards something, and I think I might be missing the point because of that. Do you understand what I mean?

Of course. Because there's nothing to strive towards other than what you imagine. If you were not engaging in your fantasies, there would be no striving. There isn't even a point to miss or get other than what you imagine. Look at what's here that is not thought.

Today i've read some wonderful guided conversations and at the same time I realize I can't do this in english. If I really want to see through the illusion I have to be guided in Dutch. Can you help me with that?

Yep, I'll help you look for a guide who speaks Dutch. I hope we have one hahah

[Lennie]

I hope we have one hahah

Haha thanks! We can already try doing this is english in the meantime. It's just a thought that i'm not capable of doing it..

Of course. Because there's nothing to strive towards other than what you imagine. If you were not engaging in your fantasies, there would be no striving. There isn't even a point to miss or get other than what you imagine. Look at what's here that is not thought.

So here's the thing that happened while reading this. It was so clear reading that! A understanding on a deeper level and also a peaceful feeling. It felt like bury the hatchet.

Immediately something is taking over and made me believe this could not be so simple. 'You just became a dad and you have responsibilities' 'You're in charge now taking care of the family in the future' blabla. I then also recognize those thoughts as 'thoughts of fear'. When I try to feel that fear, I can sense i'm still afraid of letting go of the 'I'. Afraid of losing my personality which I'm really grateful for..

Have a good day Tyler!

[ty0]

We can already try doing this is english in the meantime. It's just a thought that i'm not capable of doing it..

Sure, no one in the guides' group has replied to my request for a Dutch-speaking guide yet so I'm not sure if we have an active one..

I then also recognize those thoughts as 'thoughts of fear'. When I try to feel that fear, I can sense i'm still afraid of letting go of the 'I'. Afraid of losing my personality which I'm really grateful for..

First, you won't lose your personality. You're afraid to let go because the "I" is what has been keeping you safe. But when I say "you", I'm again referring to the "I". It's a grand play. The purpose of the "I" is to keep the "I" safe, and the whole thing is imagined. For this, you have ongoing thoughts about what you should be doing in order to avoid unpleasant experiences.

Those thoughts about taking care of your family and having responsibilities.. "I have to do this and be like this and make sure this happens so that I can avoid xyz and make sure xyz doesn't happen.."
I'm sure you often have the thought "I have to do this so that I can stop worrying about it".

Is it the case that not only "happiness" lies in the future, but also "relief" lies in the future? Does it feel like you can't relax now because you have to make sure everything goes right so that you can relax in the future?

Do you see that no matter how hard you kick and struggle, things will never be guaranteed to turn out the way you want them to? Any day, any hour, you could be the victim of a life-altering accident. Though you hang on tightly to control and try to make things how you want them to be, are you the one who chooses your actions? When a decision arises, are you the one who made it arise? Are you able to choose what you want? Are you able to choose how far you go to get what you want?

Look at what's here now. What problem do you have that isn't a thought? What requires fixing that isn't a thought?

[Lennie]

First, you won't lose your personality. You're afraid to let go because the "I" is what has been keeping you safe. But when I say "you", I'm again referring to the "I". It's a grand play. The purpose of the "I" is to keep the "I" safe, and the whole thing is imagined. For this, you have ongoing thoughts about what you should be doing in order to avoid unpleasant experiences.

This is totally clear now and I can feel a distance now between those thoughts and 'reality'.

Is it the case that not only "happiness" lies in the future, but also "relief" lies in the future? Does it feel like you can't relax now because you have to make sure everything goes right so that you can relax in the future?

Do you see that no matter how hard you kick and struggle, things will never be guaranteed to turn out the way you want them to? Any day, any hour, you could be the victim of a life-altering accident. Though you hang on tightly to control and try to make things how you want them to be, are you the one who chooses your actions? When a decision arises, are you the one who made it arise? Are you able to choose what you want? Are you able to choose how far you go to get what you want?

Actually all of this falls into place.
Since i've started this journey, pieces start to come together. Could it be this simple? Like it's more of a concept in my head...Just take a seat and enjoy the ride. Still I feel like something is missing.

Maybe the thing that I 'miss' has to do with the expectation of getting all this. That from now on everything in life feels different haha. It does kinda, is it weird to say I feel 'the self' is a bit dissolving?

Look at what's here now. What problem do you have that isn't a thought? What requires fixing that isn't a thought?

Absolutely nothing.

[ty0]

It does kinda, is it weird to say I feel 'the self' is a bit dissolving?

Not at all. I would say the struggle is ceasing.

Maybe the thing that I 'miss' has to do with the expectation of getting all this. That from now on everything in life feels different haha.

Kinda different but kinda the same hahah. And what is an expectation?

Could it be this simple? Like it's more of a concept in my head...Just take a seat and enjoy the ride. Still I feel like something is missing.

No need for concepts. They're arbitrary. Whether you're relaxing and enjoying ride or you're fighting and screaming, it's just what's happening.

[Lennie]

And what is an expectation?

It's something that the 'I' is hoping for to happen..Pff lightbulb moment now.

Not at all. I would say the struggle is ceasing.

When I look back and connecting the dots for where I am in life right now, I noticed I spend a lot of time in a flow state. Definitely a state where the I doesn't excist. Its just happens.
For example; I make music. When producing it, it's like time doesn't excist. Everything just comes to me and then later it's like; Ahhh I have created this. Was it just awareness doing it's thing? Like if i'm having thoughts of fear, it's just that same awareness giving attention to that?

Where others around me chose (haha nothing was chosen) for the "standard" life, life always drew me toward what I truly loved. The identification with the self, the constant striving, and the feeling of not being or having enough is really something that has only emerged in the past five years. Now that I know that "I" don't exist at all, everything suddenly feels so light and familiar. As if nothingness is suddenly enough.

Where am I at this point right now? I already feel like i'm getting it.

Wish you a good day!

[ty0]

Heya, send me a link to your music man. I used to make music too.

For example; I make music. When producing it, it's like time doesn't excist. Everything just comes to me and then later it's like; Ahhh I have created this. Was it just awareness doing it's thing? Like if i'm having thoughts of fear, it's just that same awareness giving attention to that?

What are you talking about when you say "awareness"? When there is a sound, is there an awareness of the sound apart from the sound? When there is creating music, is there something creating the music in your experience? Language makes it seem like there must be a subject doing the action. For example: "It's raining". But what's raining? Nothing is raining, there is just rain.

Where am I at this point right now? I already feel like i'm getting it.

There's no need for an evaluation. Evaluations are thoughts, which are arbitrary. You could believe you're fully enlightened or you could believe you've only just begun. But these evaluations have nothing to do with what's happening outside of thought. It's purely fiction. Outside of thought, there is no "I" which is at some fictional point on some fictional path. There is no "getting it" and there is nothing to get. There are sensations, sounds, sights, scents, tastes, thoughts.

It's something that the 'I' is hoping for to happen

And what is this? You've come up with this answer (thought) and then had the thought that it feels correct and then had the thought that you've figured something out (had a lightbulb moment). What's the difference between viewing it as "It's something that the 'I' is hoping for to happen" and viewing it as "kapsalon"? Are "correct/wrong" and "accurate/inaccurate" not just thoughts/concepts with no meaning outside of thought? Similarly with truth...

[Lennie]

What are you talking about when you say "awareness"? When there is a sound, is there an awareness of the sound apart from the sound? When there is creating music, is there something creating the music in your experience? Language makes it seem like there must be a subject doing the action. For example: "It's raining". But what's raining? Nothing is raining, there is just rain.

So awareness was just a thought either..

What's the difference between viewing it as "It's something that the 'I' is hoping for to happen" and viewing it as "kapsalon"?

Not sure what you mean here..

Are "correct/wrong" and "accurate/inaccurate" not just thoughts/concepts with no meaning outside of thought? Similarly with truth...

You mean it doesn't excist outside of thought?
I was pointing to the definition of expectation here. I could just see that expectation here was another thought and felt the sensation of something being seeked. Can you understand what I mean here?

You know, there are days where I kinda feel superior, especially in relation to other people in conversations. And also I noticed I was being quite nihilistic. In that moment I felt those sensations, just as sensations and the words that came along with it. But I haven't felt those ever before..Is it normal? I'ts like things starting to change/shift.

send me a link to your music man. I used to make music too.

Nice! I make hardstyle haha, not sure you wanna listen to that:-) What did you used to make?

[ty0]

I was pointing to the definition of expectation here. I could just see that expectation here was another thought and felt the sensation of something being seeked. Can you understand what I mean here?

Yes, i meant that your definition of expectation could be "kapsalon" or whatever you wrote. It's again arbitrary thought.

So awareness was just a thought either..

And this as well..

But I haven't felt those ever before..Is it normal? I'ts like things starting to change/shift.

Hm, if I said it's normal, would it change anything?

Nice! I make hardstyle haha, not sure you wanna listen to that:-) What did you used to make?

Yeah man send me your stuff, I like DnB more though hahah. Something I made- https://soundcloud.com/lee-tyler-582064 ... al_sharing

[Lennie]

Nice! I make hardstyle haha, not sure you wanna listen to that:-) What did you used to make?

Sounds good! Like the chords in the beginning, jazzzy! You can find my music here: https://open.spotify.com/artist/52I8HbS ... 07ukSA9pFw

Yes, i meant that your definition of expectation could be "kapsalon" or whatever you wrote. It's again arbitrary thought.

Hahaha I was already confused with the word kapsalon in the post before. But yeah, makes sense now.

And this as well..

Haha fuck..All there is, is just happening. End of story.

Hm, if I said it's normal, would it change anything?

Not at all. I was just driving in the car thinking about this. Have to say that today I feel a bit confusing about everything, but that's fine. I guess a part of me wanted to be seen, which comes from a persistent thought from not being good enough.
Then there was a big laugh and realized I was still driving and there was just a storm of thoughts. It's like ending a thought with another thought, that's why I sometimes get confused that the sense of seperate self comes in those moments. But then again there's this realisation this was all just happening.

Speak soon!

[ty0]

Sounds good! Like the chords in the beginning, jazzzy! You can find my music here: https://open.spotify.com/artist/52I8HbS ... 07ukSA9pFw

Oh shit you're huge hahahah

Then there was a big laugh and realized I was still driving and there was just a storm of thoughts. It's like ending a thought with another thought, that's why I sometimes get confused that the sense of seperate self comes in those moments. But then again there's this realisation this was all just happening.

Yeah, confusion happens when there are a lot of thoughts and it feels like you're trying to figure something out. But if you just stop and ask what you're trying to figure out, it all stops making sense sometimes.

Like, what are all these thoughts even about? What are they referring to? Do the thoughts talk about anything other than other thoughts?